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Understanding А

February 3, 2010

Understanding А

part 1

It must have been only yesterday that I thought that the cold ocean would never leave my life. I believed it would hold my heart and soul in its frozen grip forever, and I didn’t know what I could do about it. However today I realized that the huge refrigerator had stopped working. In the short time I spent sitting with Jack, the ocean became warm, filling my soul with joy and happiness.  I I have only experienced such happiness a few times, in my childhood. Jack. How wonderful it is that he’s here by my side: Jack, the same guy I knew from school!  Of course, I never thought that he could ever become so significant to me. I had a strange feeling: as though I had drunk some dry wine, though I had never drunk alcohol in my life.

We are sitting comfortably on the sofa, chatting about sports, drinking Coca-Cola, and it’s not at all important that I don’t understand half of what he’s saying. What is important is that for some reason I’m clearly coming to realize that all this time while my soul has been free of care, Jack has been somewhere nearby, supporting me.

“This was Bill,” says Jack. “As a youth he began playing American football like all the other boys. Bill was an extremely stylish guy. Every day that summer he trained for the game with the champions of California.  When he began to have some success it seemed to him that it made him even more attractive and handsome. Bill managed to get the whole team going.  His adrenaline was at peak level and he had strength to spare. Many people hated him, but many loved him too. Such energy was supposed never to end. And here I stand in front of him by his hospital bed and he tells me in a weak voice, almost crying, “I was trying to preserve my energy, but failed. I thought it would last me for a long time. I never thought I’d die, much less become an invalid. I don’t know what happened, Jack. I was absolutely sure we’d win. I had everything worked out.  First I charged the first offense. I hit the left side of his body with my left elbow and with my right elbow hit down at him. It was dead easy to do that. After my hit he fell immediately.  I knew it was illegal, it wasn’t ethical, but that’s the game. I hit another player the same way. But then a third player came after me, the huge black captain, and anxiety of some kind played a dirty trick on me. I tried the same approach with my left elbow against this black machine, and felt that it had worked… But then suddenly he hit the bottom of my helmet with his left hand, and it knocked me into a coma.”

Jack was telling me the story, and I knew that my hands were very close to touching his knee. He seemed to notice them and he quickly moved them away. That was the first time I had done anything like that!  I was overcome by some strange feeling of stupor and I guessed it didn’t make me look too good. I apologized and went to the bathroom. Maybe I was like that football player who had that split second of uncertainty. When it came down to it I should have just sat there quietly and listened. I rooted in my bag, and for some reason came across my lipstick and mascara. Our meeting had been too unexpected for me. But he is just the man I want to be with. And it had come to pass: I’m with Jack in his house!  I thought that the longer I stayed here, the worse it would look to him. Perhaps I wasn’t ready to meet him?

I glanced at my eyes and nails and thought that I would actually scare people if I went out on the street like this. And tears, my God. With me they were always appearing at the worst possible moment for reasons unknown to me. If I stay here another five minutes, I’m just not going out at all. I quickly fixed my make-up, smiled at the reflection in the mirror and went back to Jack.

“Sorry, Jack. Your story had a strong impact on me.” My voice sounded somehow strange.

“Would you like to lie down on the couch?” Jack asked. “I’ll bring you a cup of tea.”

On the couch? Great!  That’s fine by me. When Jack went for the tea, I stood up like a little girl in the middle of the sun-filled room, but could hardly move my legs. To my delight, Jack was soon back.  He came up close to me – brazenly close – took me by the waist and sat me down on the couch.

“Now I’ll bring you some honey,” he said confidently, and left the room.

I was again alone for several minutes, now with my tea.  I was off course grateful that he had given me these few minutes. My heart was overflowing with emotions. I had never experienced such uncertainty.  I had never been treated so considerately before.  In the first place I had never experienced such an emotional load in such a short period of time, and everything was spinning around in my head: me, Jack, this room, the bathroom, my purse and his hand on my waist. Secondly, I simply could not answer the question of whether I should stay or go. My mind and my heart were engaged in a little war with each other over a foolish question. But that question in itself was extremely strange. I sat there with the feeling that I was already living with this man.  But I hadn’t even seen him for ten years! To be sure these ten years had been empty ones for me, and some mysterious characters had appeared, but Jack had not been one of them!   My monologue of reason was swamped again by feelings and sensations.  Jack’s voice, his smell,even the way he made pauses in the conversation to show how he cared (for example, bringing the honey)…  It was as though it had already happened before.

Suddenly I had the feeling that I had been to bed with Jack!  But I knew perfectly well that, despite being already twenty-five, I had never slept with a man! Then why did it seem that a long time ago Jack and I had been so close?  It was my memory playing tricks with me. Or was it hope creating a mental trap so that I felt like I’d been with this man all my life?  Next to me there was not my father, my sister, or her two children. Just HIM and ME.

My self-appraisal had suddenly sunk through the floor. One thing I knew for sure was that I didn’t like my designer jeans any more, and it wasn’t long since I had really loved them. And I’m pretty short, much shorter than I had imagined I was all these years. Well, I look how I look. I somehow need to keep the conversation up; if he talks about sport then I should recall something on that theme too. But I can’t think of anything! Our school stadium where Jack and all the others used to play football doesn’t have anything in common with sports.

I wanted to discuss his hands and how great it was to feel them around my waist. Yes, that would sound really interesting coming from me: “Jack, let’s talk about your hands.” It would be awkward if he puts his hand on my waist again.

And so I spent a few minutes in this strange agitated state, until I realized that my nose was bleeding. Just at the moment that Jack came back with a cup of honey. Without a word, he quickly rolled up a piece of serviette and plugged my nose with it.  How simple! I was once again convinced that my memory was not betraying me; it seemed to me that he had definitely done that to me before. I remember, he had done it!

But what was embarrassing me more than anything was the fact that he did not stand on ceremony,  he was just continually doing something with me! And without my participation!  As if I was his house cat and couldn’t speak.  But that was exactly how I wanted him to act. And I also realized that I wanted to hear his voice over and over again, and it was all the same to me what he talked about: about sport, or about himself. Like a little girl I muttered, almost in a whisper:

“Tell me something else.”

And he began to talk and again I distinctively felt on my skin the cold ocean and the old sensations that were attached to that ocean. The large iceberg floated further and further from me. With each word he spoke I felt warmer. This was surely my confidence, which had come to me so quickly that day.

“Jack, you have very strong hands,” I said. “Did you used to play football or some other sport?”

“No,” he replied. “I don’t like sports. I think war is a completely foolish endeavour. Many sports people seek help from me. Sometimes I help them, and sometimes I don’t. They all want to be the victors. Many athletes confuse aggression with energy. Bill became disabled because in one second he lost all his energy. They tell me, ‘Give me energy,’ and they certainly do need energy. They‘re willing to give me their most precious possessions, but I rarely accept any gifts from them.”

“And why do they have aggression and not just athletic excitement?” I asked.

“They come to me from various families, and each family has its own type of aggression. It builds and builds from childhood, from grade school. As a result, one of them might jump out of a window, or begins playing sport. Another might become aggressive behind the wheel and get into a car accident. Another still might beat his wife and children. They don’t have any mental choice, and they respond to evil with evil. Sometimes I simply help them out.”

I remembered how my father lost an eye during a game of American football, and his aggression hasn’t gone away, even today. So many years have passed, but his anger still hasn’t subsided, and it frightens me. And I understood that he was a part of the cold ocean that had frozen me up. Suddenly I felt that Jack could help my father. But no, I didn’t want Jack to help him; for me he was some puzzling piece of my childhood nightmare. I didn’t want to hear possible answers as to why he became the way he did and why he has held this aggression inside for so many years. Once I had thought that he might physically kill me, the way he killed the dog my relatives had given me as a child.

It was important for me to hear Jack’s voice and to get confidence from this voice, and perhaps the energy that he was talking about. The whole of my short life passed before me in my memory in just a few seconds, but it didn’t make me feel anxious. I had a gulp of the tea, which was already cold, and found it to be very fragrant. The tea cheered me. I felt it in my stomach, and it melted any remaining ice inside of me. Never before had I drunk such delicious tea. Everything seemed to start over with Jack!  How wonderful it was that everything was starting anew!

When I was a little girl, I once got to hold a rabbit at the zoo. I felt that its body was like a fireball, and its heart was thumping. I was now like this rabbit, and in Jack’s arms my heart beat as if it was pounding on his door, begging for energy. As I looked at it, his shirt with its light blue and white stripes pulled me in, and I wanted to touch the skin under his shirt and feel the rhythm of his heart. There was undoubtedly something animal-like about this desire.

My father never allowed me to take anything from strangers. I never took a drink from people I didn’t know or, even more, never drank tea in unfamiliar places. For some reason my father always worried that he would be poisoned. Today everything was happening for the first time.  The tea that Jack had made was so sweet and I wanted to drink and drink forever.

“What do you have to say about this?” Jack quietly asked.

“What?” I asked. He caught me off-guard in my thoughts.

“Aren’t you listening to me?”

“No,” I confessed. Jack was very handsome, and I was admiring him.

“Lola, is everything okay? I was telling you about this sportsman…”

“Jack, I’ve just got a bit hot from the tea. Everything’s fine with me, just I wasn’t listening attentively. I really like to hear your voice, and I have somehow become so relaxed with you.”  Maybe it sounds strange, but I truly needed to continually hear his voice.

“So do you agree or not?”

“Yes, I agree.”

“Excellent. Then we can go. Right now.”

“Where are we going? I don’t understand.”

“I just asked you whether you wanted to go to Phoenix to help that sportsman I was talking about.”

“Yes, Jack, we can go.  I just need to know some things. Like where and how are we going to be living?”

“In Phoenix we can stay in a very comfortable hotel, I think you’ll like it. How long, I can’t say.  I never really look beyond today. Maybe for just one day, maybe for twenty years,” answered Jack.

“I probably need to go home and tell my father about the trip. But thereagain maybe I shouldn’t tell him about this?!”

“Why would you not tell him” Jack looked at me in puzzlement.

“Don’t you realize that he won’t let me go? I’m thinking, I’m thinking. I’m just thinking…  Okay, I can tell father.  But my things?  I need to pack some things, and I only have one credit card on me. I don’t know whether I’ll have enough money.”

Jack interrupted:

“That’s not a problem. It’s not as expensive in Phoenix as it is in California. I have enough.”

He walked silently around the room and after a minute asked whether I was ready to leave.

“But your friends… you said that they were going to arrive any minute?”

“When I was making you tea they called and said they’re not coming. That means we can leave right now.”

“I need to think for a few minutes. I’m going outside.”

“Okay.  Are you going to be all right?”

“Everything will be all right,” I smiled and went outside.

On the sidewalk I was greeted with bushes of autumn roses. I felt that the roses approved of my unexpected trip.  However, everything was happening too fast.  At least everything that had happened to me up to now entailed some sort of ongoing preparation: In order to get behind the wheel of a car, I had to study for several months. In order to celebrate Christmas I needed to spend an entire month shopping for gifts. In order to attend a party I had to spend half the day getting ready for it.  In order to!  In order to!  And that’s how it always had been. And after all the preparation, the boring event would leave you with no satisfaction, no delight. And now Jack wasn’t giving me the chance to entertain any second thoughts, as if I was supposed to immediately jump out of an airplane with a parachute. And I’d never jumped with a parachute before. Yet these roses evidently approved of my trip, or my leap into the unknown, which for me was one and the same thing. I used to think that this would happen to me at the age of fifteen. I had waited for such spontaneous invitations. They should have happened, but they didn’t.  My God, this was happening only now.  Now I felt that I was fifteen again and had lost my mind. I didn’t know where or why I was going.  I just felt that I had to go, or run away. Perhaps that was the way thousands of girls feel when they are led astray. Perhaps Jack would cheat me too. But my heart didn’t want to listen to these thoughts. I was running along a road where people usually would usually just walk.

After this trip with Jack, if it was a long one, I would be fired from my job at the post office.  I would lose the job I needed just in order to be in work, like everyone else. No, I didn’t like the job and I was tired of envelopes and filling out forms. My father would not only shout  at me, he would also leave me without any money. Now all of my acquaintances from my former life came before my eyes and looked at me questioningly. That former life was drawing to a close.  I needed to call my father but I was scared of him. I knew that if I didn’t take go forward with Jack, even if he did deceive me, I would remain living where living was not worth it: by the side of the cold ocean. And if I take one more step the cold ocean will freeze me up forever. I ran quickly back to Jack.

“What’s happened?” he asked in a worried voice. “Your cheeks are red. You’re very beautiful.”

“Jack did you lie to me when you spoke about this trip?”

“I hardly ever lie. I can only only sometimes make mistakes.”

“Forgive me.  It’s just my former life.  I’m saying goodbye to it.  I don’t care whether you think I’m empty-headed or not.  I feel that I should go with you and help this sportsman.”

He took me by the hand and smiled handsomely:

“You have warm hands.  You’re so nice.  You make me happy.”

Listening to him, I realized that my hands, which were always cold, had now become warm.  I had done it! Today I had finally moved away from the ocean, or I was going to move away from it, I wasn’t sure. I could hear myself now and I heard an inner voice. My time had come, and I stood before Jack in a state of complete confidence in my own powers, in an uplifted mood and heightened feeling that my life was filling with purpose.  Every year at Christmas I had waited for gifts, and every year had been disappointed. Where then, I thought, was the Christmas tree?  The tree was there every year, but it just hadn’t been mine.

We walked five meters and Jack opened the car door.

“It’s a good car,” he said.

“A ‘Lexus’, like my father’s…” I quickly shut up.

“You’ll like it in there. If you feel sick in the front, the back is comfortable.”

We set off, and all of my anxieties were left behind, or at least I really wanted them to stay  behind. Some time was needed for that, however. But I was no longer thinking about anything, and didn’t have any doubts either.

“Can we stop at a store, Jack?”

“There’s no hurry. We’ll have enough time to do that. And we’ll have a lot of nice surprises and stores along the way. But if you want we can go to a store right now. But if everything is okay, then let’s go, we’ll enjoy the ride. Lola, I want to tell you again that as soon as you feel any discomfort, or if you have any problems or doubts… In short, if something doesn’t feel right then tell me and I’ll try to help.”

“No, Jack. We’ll just go where you want to go.”

We were driving past the ocean, and for the first time I wasn’t afraid of it.  I saw surfers slipping across the cold waves.  But these cold people don’t bother me in the least. Thanks to you, Jack!  I had become warm.  I felt so good, better than I had in all these years.  I just leaned back in my seat and was enveloped in bright, peaceful thoughts. I knew: this was my only happy path.  I didn’t know what would happen on this path, but I knew very well that there was no way back.

“Lola, what music would you like to listen to?”

“Nothing in particular, Jack. I listen to my own music. But you can put on whatever you want.”

Jack turned on a familiar melody from childhood and I felt that I had once lived, and it was as though I had lived for a long period, but at the same time I wasn’t sure that I had lived. I couldn’t recall any sharp emotions that should have been there in my previous life. Before my eyes was rolling a black and white movie of the past, and Jack and I were moving further and further away from it. I came to realize that from that moment I was playing a new role here on this earth. Like someone from the moon, I needed to know all the rules that people here lived by. I mulled the plan over in my head and promised myself that I would learn. And like a genuine alien I was sure that things here would be fun and interesting.

“Lola, what have you been doing all these years?”

“You wouldn’t believe me.”

“Tell me, I’ve heard a lot of improbable stories before.”

“I studied and worked, but I have no recollection of what I actually studied. I think I just worked to get money for my life, for food…”

“Simply in order to live?” Jack asked.

It was a simple question but I had no idea how to answer it. I worked at the post office. But I was waiting for you, Jack, and I should say that now. Of course I’ll tell him when the time comes. I’ll tell him sooner or later.

“What relationship do you have with you sister, Lola?”

“She’s older than me and has her own interests.  We lived near to each other for quite some time but we didn’t become very close. She visits us once in a while. Everything’s fine with her on the whole.”

“Does she help your father in his business?”

“I don’t know what kind of business my father has. I never asked because I didn’t think he had a business.” I couldn’t imagine a more closed and dangerous person than my father. It was good that Jack would never discover this.

“Isn’t he still working on his diamond deposits?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re probably mixing him up with someone else.  A long time ago I saw a few stones on his desk. Maybe there were a lot of them, but I was only little and didn’t pay them much attention. They were more likely imitation jewelry than real diamonds.”

“No, I’m not mistaken and I’m not confusing him with someone else.”

I fell silent. We drove for five minutes in silence. Suddenly Jack asked if he could take my hand.

“What warm hands you have.”

And that was the truth. I had become used to the fact that my hands were warm.  But perhaps that wasn’t such a good thing: in the morning they might be icy cold again.

One of Jack’s friends phoned. We had to stop somewhere in Hollywood and meet him. We arrived at a hotel.  There were quite a few people at the tables talking with European accents.

“The conversation will take fifteen minutes,” said Jack.

The heavy he guy was called Bob. He too was interested in sports people, but some kind of audio recording technology interested him more. Jack spoke about some people from Houston; they knew someone who potentially had direct ties to the technology’s owners. The technology interested Bob so much that I decided to ask what was so special about it.

“The technology returns life to music. It forces you to listen to a song over and over again. It is just like love, you see, and you want to repeat it without end. Like hot and cold water.  Or perhaps this water can be living and dead.”

“Or like the cold ocean can ice over souls,” I muttered, not expecting that someone could hear me.

“Exactly. That’s exactly right. A perfect example. Everything that’s been on the market – that represents the frozen souls. I’ve never come across a better image. Jack, where did you get her?”

“Bob, this is Lola, an amazing, smart girl,” Jack proudly proclaimed.

“Can you imagine being a singer, how you sing a song that millions of people will hear?  They’ll love your emotions in the song. They’ll want to listen to you again and again. Do you love emotions?”

Since the question was addressed to me I began thinking about what emotions really were and what they meant in our lives.

“I love them. Our lives consist of them. They’re the reason we are alive.”  I burst out after a little thought. “Most of our childhood memories are emotions, and they are the most vivid ones.”

“You’re a genius! In that short time you classified emotions as life and as childhood. What do you think, what would someone pay more for, a song with emotions or without?”  Bob smiled with a strange kind of grin.

“Of course people need songs with emotion,” I said.

“Don’t you want to earn some money, Lola? I’ve never met such a smart girl.  Jack, you have to tell me about her,”  chuckled Bob.

“Of course I’ll tell you about her. Lola is a marvelous person, and right now we’re on our way to Phoenix.”

“Why to Phoenix?”

“To help a sportsman.  He’s another interesting young person you should get to know.  That guy has some connection to A.  But right now we need to go.”

Bob decided to follow us to the car and began asking Jack something about A and about the sports guy, but I couldn’t hear what exactly as I was some distance in front of them.

When we got into the car Jack said that we’d be in Phoenix late that evening.

“Why do you think that the ocean is cold?” asked Jack.

“Because I’ve felt it within me allmy life, and I associated it with a refrigerator.”

“That’s interesting. I’ll let you into a secret. Bob wants A technology for the girl of his dreams. His girlfriend desperately wants to become famous, and she’s spent many years trying to make good music recordings. She sings well, dances, and dresses well. She has a number of Internet sites and good advertising. There’s only one ‘but,’ a really small ‘but’: people don’t want to listen to her because they don’t want to listen to anyone. They’re tired of music altogether. They’re tired of any kind of music, even the most talented. The reason people don’t want to listen to music at all can be found in the music itself.  Actually, the reason can be found in the method of recording the music. But you probably think that it’s better to give a woman a diamond, right?”

“I don’t think that.  Diamonds don’t attract me.  I liked Bob.  He wants to act generously. Any gift is generous, but a gift that gives his girlfriend freedom is twice as generous.”

“But diamonds are also a good gift.”

“I don’t know,” I said.

“They must be, since your father works with them.”

“I already told you that he doesn’t deal with them, or at least I don’t know anything about it.”

“I have a banker friend who knows your father.”

“Really? And you want to work with diamonds?”

“I would want to work with them only because they give a person the feeling of extraordinary power and joy. I mean I could be working with them if I didn’t have any other projects going on.”

His words made me feel jealous, because he was not thinking about me. I hoped that Jack would start talking about Bob, after all Bob had said nice things about me.

“Why do you like diamonds so much?”

“I love to travel, and I associate diamonds with journeys. It might be any type of journey, and in any place.  I love to arrange stories that give some good  adrenaline. Look at our story. You must agree that there’s a story beginning between us. We’ve just headed into the unknown. Where are we going and why? We don’t know what awaits us. And that’s wonderful and interesting, you must agree.”

“I don’t completely understand what you’re talking about, Jack. I associate a journey with events. I can‘t think of that many people who I would like to go traveling with.  Maybe I never really thought about it, or else I just don’t know what I want. Right now I couldn’t care less where we’re heading, whether it’s for diamonds, or to see your friend. For me what’s important is the relationship between me and the person I’m traveling with.  I can’t say that you are that person, but I am very comfortable with you. I know that I shouldn’t tell you this to you and and that what I’m saying is not true. I decided to come with you and that’s that. A voice inside told me.”

My father always told me not to show emotions, but I couldn’t help it. I felt peaceful. I didn’t care where we were going now. Maybe some kind of hypnosis in Jack’s voice was working on me, I don’t know.  I looked at myself from the outside and saw a different person.  I was sitting comfortably in a stranger’s car, but not breaking into pieces like I would do in my own bedroom. And my knees were not clamped together as they usually were. Maybe it was bad that no one could give me any advice now, even if I really wanted it. And so we were driving, and everything was fine.

“Are you afraid of the dark?” asked Jack.

“I’m not thinking about that. I feel safe here and comfortable enough.”

“How are you feeling being with a man?”

“You’re not a man, you’re a friend. I mean, of course you’re a man, but still just a friend.  In any case, that’s how I feel.”

“Diamonds interest me very little in and of themselves. The power that they give though, that to me is interesting,” Jack brought the conversation back to this  topic again.

“Do you want power?”

“I don’t really know what power is. I think that athletes or soldiers need power. I’m speaking of inner power. Everyone needs inner power. We just met  Bob in the hotel, and he really wants to have inner power. He really wants to get it and he’ll go wherever he has to to do so, even to the moon or to Mars.  I think when your father went to Africa he went to find this inner power, or confidence,” Jack said, deep in thought.

“Do you think you came with me for that same reason?”

“No, I don’t.”

Maybe Jack was right. Maybe I had come to get power, or maybe to experience some new sensations that will make me feel good? Maybe these sensations are connected with Jack?  That’s the simplest explanation.  In that case, according to his logic, Jack is my goal.  What do I need from him?  Perhaps what I want  is simply to be with a man?  I’m a little frightened by such a train of thought, but it’s possible that Jack is the fundamental reason why I came.  For so many years I have waited for a friend that would appear on the horizon of the blue sky, and here he was, sitting right next to me.  The only question that remained was what did I want from him?

“Jack, have you had girls before?”

“I’m not married,” answered Jack.

“I meant girls that were friends.”

“Of course, and they still are my friends.  Even if I don’t see them for five years, my warm feelings for them still remain.

“Do you evaluate girls like you do diamonds?”

“Do I think like your father?  Am I going to Africa after them?” Jack looked me in the eyes.

“Yes, I’m asking whether you had a girl for whom you’d go to the edge of the earth.”

“I’ve never had a girl like that, but I don’t consider myself too old to find one.”

That was probably what I wanted to hear, and I felt a great deal of comfort.

“Well, now we’re going to get diamonds.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. We’re going to Phoenix to help an injured athlete,” I said.

“You’re right. We’re going to see him, but for us he is the diamond, since he’s the objective of our trip.”

“He’s not a diamond.”

“But you have to concede that there’s a similarity between an sportsman and a diamond. The likeness is obvious. I think a sportsman and a diamond are like a cat and the moon. Two completely incompatible things, but they do have much in common if you want to see it. Anyway two incompatible subjects are leading us on through one common element. One road binds us together, and we are on that road.”

I began to feel somewhat irritated.  I really didn’t see what an sportsman and a diamond had in common, and I nearly yelled:

“You’re wrong!”

“Lola,” said Jack gently. “I know that I’m speaking nonsense, but please don’t get angry with me. You’re a really delicate girl and getting irritated doesn’t suit your face well. But soon I’ll move on to a simpler topic, one that you will really like.  Be patient a while.”

I was so happy at that moment. No one had ever been so sweet and tactful with me.  Jack lovingly took my hand and kissed it.

“I invited you to go on this trip because I knew that you’d enjoy it!  Do you understand?  People are usually quite malicious by nature and live like the cat and the moon, on their own. Do you think a cat can understand the moon?  No! But I understand you! It’s my understanding that you’ll come to like. But I’ll be quite proper, I promise!”

I liked the fact that Jack spoke to me like this way, and I began to understand what he was talking about. I was again just enjoying listening to his voice, which changed so unexpectedly. He still had not let go of my hand.

“Do you agree that a cat can’t understand the moon?” asked Jack.


Just then a wave of laughter rolled over me. I imagined how a cat would speak with the moon.

“When you say that I get this picture in my head of a cat chatting with the moon,” I laughed, with a bit of a quiver in my voice.

“Yes exactly.  People live in one family like the cat and the moon. It’s really funny. They’re far away from each other, but can nevertheless still see one another. Every day they drink coffee and eat together,” and he provided me with some examples.

“Do you want these people to understand one another?”

“Yes I do, but I don’t think it’s possible. I think you can provide them with some good emotions, and as a result of those emotions maybe they can build an affectionate relationship.”

I wanted to add that this reminded me of my relationship with him, but I kept quiet.

“Now we’re going to see that sportsman, but we’re actually going to be doing something else. Have you ever felt the joy that comes from getting touch with yourself? You’ll feel that joy today. It will come from within you, and it will bring you positive emotions.”

I didn’t really know what he was talking about. Did he want me to tell him  that I loved him?  I had a strange sensation, as though I really was filling with love for him.

“Imagine a traveler heading to Africa for diamonds. The person should feel joy.  He wants to see these diamonds, kiss them, touch them and put them in his pocket.  That’s what I feel now.  I feel that way because I’m traveling with a person who attracts me like a diamond. Imagine, I’m getting that same degree of joy from speaking with you. It unites us. People want to experience joy. That’s what the secret is.  It’s not drugs or diamonds, it’s just human joy.”

I suddenly felt that I understood Jack, despite the fact that he didn’t say anything that I could really understand.

“It’s our secret now,” Jack said.

I felt a tremble run right through me.  Jack drove into a truck parking lot.

“Imagine that you and I are like the cat and moon. Until now our paths haven’t crossed. Now we’re stopping the car and are about to get to know one another better. I really want to examine you closely.”

“Jack, I’m twenty-five, but I’ve never been with a man,” I said, just in case.

“And I’m in no hurry. It won’t be a hysterical vampire bite, because today we’re just going to get energy from one another. The difference between primitive vampires and us is huge. The difference is that they swiftly attack, bite, and then get tired. They battle for ten minutes, including undressing, and all the rest of the time they moan and pretend that they are enjoying it. Actually, they make one another sick.”

As Jack was saying this he brought the car to a stop, driving it amongst thick bushes. It was very interesting to observe him.  He had transformed into some kind of mysterious being. In appearance he was the usual Jack, but the power of his passion was so strong that I tensed a little, in expectation of something unexpected .

“Our secret,” continued Jack, “lies in the fact that we correctly use colors and sounds, including when we’re in the kind of intimate situation we’re having now.  People are usually looking for meaningful love, but instead of that they waste a lot of time babbling, and spend little time on the person they love or on their body. And they somehow cannot combine sex and lengthy small talk, and this should be love.  All subjects of the land of A use colorful pictures and music. Music protects us from errors of thought and gives us a lot of emotions.  We are not vampires: instead of primitive blood we drink the energy that comes from pictures or music.”

My God, what is he talking about? What vampires? What energy? What sex? On the other hand, energy certainly was a part of our relationship, but I thought that this energy emanated from our sudden attraction to one another. I restrained myself from throwing myself upon Jack first. I desperately wanted to rub up against his cheek. But how was I supposed to do it, I didn’t have much experience communicating with men. I began to feel like I was becoming an enormous river that was flooding and overflowing.

“You understand, Lola. You’re feeling so strange now, because for the first time you’re receiving the energy of miss A.  You might think that it came to you of its own accord or because a man is near you. You really want this man, but you want him so badly, so strongly, because A is telling you so.  Today you’ll fly to the very brightest stars and experience an unearthly state of joy. You’ll be so satisfied.”

Jack was right. I didn’t know how to conduct myself in what for me was such a new and unfamiliar state. I didn’t know what to do with Jack and what’s more with myself. My hands were shaking, and the muscles in my legs were somehow dancing their own dance, and I couldn’t make head or tail of it.

“Please don’t blame me for putting on A music without warning you when we were still at my place. Just think about it, you were still in the house when you began to quickly make some smart decisions, which is so untypical of you. Today you’ve reviewed your entire life in the space of just one hour. You’re a very intelligent girl. This music provides such power. Now don’t be scared of me. Nothing bad is going to happen to you. Let’s sit in the backseat and you’ll feel even more relaxed.”

Jack got out of the car and helped me into the backseat. My arms and legs were still gripped by the weird trembling. Jack sat close by and placed a hand on my neck.

“You’re extremely beautiful. And what’s more, now you’re a different girl. Usually people only get into such a state once or twice in their entire lives, usually when they are teenagers. Yes, I’m not mistaken because it is genuine happiness to experience positive emotions, and now they’ll come to you very often. You just have to be sure not to destroy the emotions through fear or alarm. You’re not scared?”

Jack moved his seat forward and I began to understand that something very nice was happening to me, a happy story was unfolding. And even nicer was the realization that this story would ever end.  But it was all very strange.  Jack wasn’t tearing my jeans off, or even hinting at anything vulgar.  Nothing physical was happening at all. But at the same time he was plunging the whole of me into a state of full, bright happiness, and my rivers kept rising and rising. I felt like a small wet kitten warming itself in the sunshine.

Then Jack unexpectedly invited me to go on a journey with him through the copper caves. I didn’t understand what he meant, but he promised that these caves would make me feel very comfortable. He changed the music and said that this music was the trip through the copper caves. At first I thought he meant caves somewhere in Phoenix, but it turned out that there was no need to go anywhere: he would create the effect of a trip through the copper caves right here in the car.  Once again I was thinking of something rather vulgar, but Jack told me that everything would be extremely beautiful and that I should concentrate on the music and forget about him. And so that’s what I did. I was probably tired of this unusual trip with Jack. I wasn’t listening particularly closely to his voice.  It seemed to me that Jack’s voice was my own. This voice was saying something to me, and I obeyed it without question as it was so comforting.

“Now our journey is beginning. You shouldn’t be afraid.” That’s what I told myself. Or maybe it was Jack who said this. I no longer made a distinction. From inside of me there welled up an enormous warm stream and I saw the foot of a mountain, towards which Jack and I seemed to be more swimming than walking. I felt the slow water drawing me towards it and I tried to sit down on the edge of the shore. It turned out to be soft and warm, and I could not feel the usual hard sand beneath my feet.

“All it is is music. You don’t have to go crazy, you don’t have to rock. Now for the first time you find yourself in this stream and so you need simply to accept it for what it is. It isn’t a physical journey, and it isn’t drugs. I’ve spent a good part of my life in this state. For me it’s quite usual. Not everyone gets to experience this state in their life. Only those who were lucky enough to have had a really good mother who loved her child in her womb, and then continued to love it after the birth. When a mother like this sings a lullaby to her child with love in her heart, it feels such tremendous joy! This feeling is only there as long as its mother is singing. As soon as she stops it is gone again. So there are few people who get to know this state in real life. If it’s something new to you it means that your mother never sang you lullabies with love in her heart. There’s no use blaming anyone if that’s the case. It’s simply that there is such a combination of circumstances that young girls have to cope with when they suddenly become mothers.”

I felt the warm beach I was sitting on start to embrace me, to kiss me, and I had no wish to resist. It wasn’t something bizarre or frightening. The beach was just present in my sensations, but in front of me I saw Jack, who was talking to me with great tenderness.

“Now do you understand what Bob was trying to get for his girlfriend?”

“Yes, now I know what he was talking about. He also wants love, like everyone else. I think Bob has some problem with his feelings. Does he have a cold heart?  What do you think?”

“By profession Bob is a bodyguard and does special assignments for his clients.  I think he has some sins connected with his work.  And he tries to smooth these sins away by giving his girlfriend what she really wants. She seeks popularity and wants people to listen to her and admire her. She wants all of her fans to love her like children love their mother, but she sings songs with words that are just full of aggression. I don’t think that Bob knows what love is, and his girlfriend isn’t able to love either. And the love you got to know just a few hours ago at my place, isn’t it beautiful?  Did you like it?”

“Yes, Jack.  Very much so.  I felt so wonderful.”

Now I had become part of the warm and affectionate shore. I even pinched myself just to confirm that it wasn’t a dream. Meanwhile my legs were still shaking pleasantly.  I felt slightly feverish, and the shaking moved to around my navel and then left of there. But I wanted this fever.  A very pleasant pressure, unknown to me before, came up from below, strongly arousing me and making me forget my thoughts. I wanted to go further into this copper cave. It’s sweet air enticed me. My arteries felt like the strings of a musical instrument in the hands of a gifted musician. I felt that for the first time they were experiencing a long-awaited relaxation and delight.

“Don’t be afraid of emotions. If you want to scream, then scream. Don’t be embarrassed. There’s also no need to spare emotions just like there’s no need to hold back love. We won’t hold back emotions, right? Scream! Scream!”

I began to slide down the soft, warm shore and caught myself almost screaming. But I stopped.  And it was divine.

“Jack, maybe it sounds funny, but it seems that I can really feel this river that I see in front of me.”

“The main thing is to not be afraid and to not move too quickly. You need to do everything slowly and with taste. This state of being is so pleasant. Imagine how many people there are who want to experience it?  And all they have to do is believe in it.  It’s just a question of mentality.”

I wanted to yell that Jack should hug me tighter in his embrace, and it seemed to me that he did just that. He stood before me and then turned into an enormous beautiful butterfly that flew around right next to my nose. I felt a pleasant sense of suffocation and started shouting again. Then he again whispered to me: “If you want to weep or sob, then do it. There is no more iceberg for you. Now you will always be able to feel how you want to feel.”

It was hard to orient myself in this wonderful new world. The copper cave completely engulfed me. I started to move around, balancing quite comfortably on my knees, and quickly went down to the water.

“Yes!  That is really nice. You really have a very graceful arch to your back,” said Jack. “Are you going towards the smell of coffee? I can smell it too and am following behind.  Keep your balance as you get closer to the coffee smell. I’m near you and will catch you if you slip. You smell so very sweet.”

Jack again appeared close by in the form of a large butterfly and began to rub against me in a very accurate way. It felt ticklish. I unexpectedly took hold of something soft, but couldn’t figure it out what it could be. Then I realized: it was my little handbag. I had found in the cave the old handbag I’d had as a child.  I put the bag down on a small stone so that I’d remember the location and pick it up on the way back.  Jack was nearby and I was feeling very calm. We were heading in the direction of somewhere that looked terribly familiar. No, it was impossible! This place, this cave was the one I had seen before as a teenager when I had gone on a trip to the Dominican Republic with father. But I hadn’t known that it was a copper cave.

We were accompanied then by some young mule herders, since we rode the animals along the caves. As we were being transferred, I had lost my bag, and it took me a long time to forget it.

“Jack, I’ve found the child’s bag I lost ages ago.” I wanted to tell him about my find so much that I began to gesticulate to get his attention. He quickly appeared from behind my back and began hugging me like my favorite cat had hugged me in my childhood. There was something grown-up about this embrace, but it didn’t frighten me. I didn’t even remove his hand from my leg.

“Have you gone back to your youth? I’m so happy  that you can travel in time so rapidly. Not even twenty-four hours have passed and you’re already moving toward living your youthful years all over again. I can sing a lullaby for you in place of your mother. Listen.”

Jack began to sing. But it was not with his voice, which was what I dreaded. He sang with his heart! Then he began stroking me as if he were playing a musical instrument. I really liked his song. I didn’t even think to stop Jack, although he was allowing himself some rather unnecessary motions. He turned again into a butterfly and began to stroke my cheeks and lips. I was enraptured, and this pleasant trip through the copper cave continued. We again found ourselves near the warm river that came out of the waterfall. It was somewhat humid and incredibly beautiful.

For the first time I accidentally touched the fluttering butterfly. As I didn’t feel the presence of anyone nearby, I realized that this butterfly was really Jack.  He stroked me, and I gazed upon him with undisguised curiosity. He didn’t distract me and just sang the song that I had wanted to hear for a long time… I examined the minute, fuzzy hairs on his body and the unusual coloring of his wings.  I  wanted to stroke him too. As soon as I did,  he nestled up to me more solidly. And we spent some time together like this in absolute silence, listening only to the beating of our  hearts.

We had to cross a narrow stream, which in my youth one of the muleteers had carried me through. Jack picked me up in one arm and I was conscious of how strong his arms were.  His form as a fluttering butterfly made him irresistibly attractive. I continued to stroke my butterfly.  I wanted so terribly that Jack should fall on me and undress me, but somehow he wasn’t aware of this desire.

“Lola, this is really a time that we have to appreciate. A goal that’s attained quickly doesn’t bring much joy.  So you should allow me to feel the time and make the decisions myself at this stage, since I have more experience in existing in this  A time. Concentrate on your own desires and you will stay on the journey and at the same time remain in this pleasurable state. Usually after experiencing some little bit of pleasure people start on killing each other. They lack the strength needed to enjoy reality. They all just want to die as quickly as possible, quickly finish off any process they love.  But for us everything is just beginning.”

After these words I began kissing Jack and I could not keep myself from the feelings of love that I had for him. For the first time I experienced the taste of his skin with my lips. It was so fantastic!  And Jack kept flying around and around near to me. We slowly, and at the same time quickly, were moving in the direction of the source. He promised me a surprise when we got to the place, and  asked that I should stop time for a little while.  And I was already going crazy from the desire to join together with him as one being.

“If you’d like, I can tell you about the state you’re in?” Jack sang.

By way of a reply I sang back that I very much did. He began to say that people need love and that they do not see the present, therefore nothing works out for them in business other than war, nor in love other than lonely children. The result of living in the present, as a rule, leads to zero and people don’t learn anything. He said that I was a very rare case, that during a short period of time I had grasped my desire to break with the past and was not to hasty in quickly needing to satisfy my new desire.

“This new sweet desire of yours, the one that has come up just now, is driving you crazy. But I’m so pleased with you that you have been awaiting its fulfillment in such a tactful way. Your body had nearly became stone, and it seeks relaxation through sex, but you are getting the maximum pleasure from this condition. If you wanted sex now, then I would give it to you. Believe me,  I would hear your decision and would do just as you wish. But this A allows us not to lose our wits, because after sex will come war.  The A doesn’t want us to finish off in the usual, banal manner. It is A that gives us the chance  to live for a long time in such a state of happiness.”

I desperately wanted to object to what Jack had said, but I listened to myself and realized that my body wants eternal pleasure, not short relationships. So what if people say they’ve gone and had sex? So what if they say that everything has now passed?  I realized that it was also sweet for Jack now that he was experiencing the same pleasure as me – from the anticipation.

“It’s not the anticipation,” said Jack. “It is real happiness when you can speak directly with me on any topic, and I with you. But we aren’t just speaking, we’re living beautifully.”

I didn’t know what was happening, but Jack’s butterfly diving underneath me, and I flew on his back over the Dominican stream. I became small and very soft, like a piece of warm putty. Jack seemed to sculpt me with his hands. I felt like a parachute descending the waterfall and flying back upwards. And then I felt like I was spiraling down without a parachute on a long solid harness. I was so scared as i flew down that I shut my eyes, but when a little later I returned skyward I wanted to scream with pleasure. The speed increased and increased until it was extreme. I thought that I was losing consciousness.

The fuzzy back of the butterfly rubbed gently against my legs. When I was enjoying the amazing flights through the air, its wings decorated my sensations with its sculptured ornaments.  Jack’s back was so soft, but at the same time also firm. Coming out of his back was a sculpted structure which formed a tiny, shapeless thimble the size of a one-cent piece. This object, unnoticeable in a normal state of being, and which I had been sitting on throughout the flight, turned out to be in the most sensual part of my body. Maybe this “cent” fulfilled some role that Jack had planned, but during my flight upwards I had experienced additional emotions when I came into contact with it. It was so nice that it made me laugh like crazy, and the cent felt it.  It would begin to draw in my skin,  like a baby’s dummy, and then let it out again. However as soon as I forgot about its presence, even for a second, it began to fight again and gave me another fit of laughter. I felt uncomfortable that in Jack’s presence I’d laugh uncontrollably then be moaning and screaming with delight.

But when I tried once again to lose consciousness from the truly wonderful flights on Jack’s back, the cent wouldn’t let me go. It quite gently, but unyieldingly,  held me with its tiny body.  And when I wanted to crawl away, with some kind of inhuman love it began to drive me to ecstasy. At that moment the cent gave me my life’s first plunge into a genuine orgasm.

The muscles under my belly transformed themselves into one whole and began to pulse together. Before my eyes swam bouquets of red roses and bright sparks, which flared up and died again before the next volley. The pulse was increasing higher and higher, causing the muscles to tense up in the solar plexus area. It felt like I was a taut string trembling at the touch of an experienced musician. I was sounding for the first time in my life! I realized that I didn’t belong to myself at all, that some force was controlling me and was stubbornly showing me what my destiny was as a woman, what my essence was.  True, I still didn’t understand what kind of destiny it was to be and it what it wanted to say to me further. My thoughts were confused.  It wasn’t quite what I had expected. This wasn’t clothes torn to pieces, or love bites on the neck. This was a man’s real love and perseverance. It seemed that at the top of my weakly-comprehending head was beating a flow of energy, directed out somewhere into the depths of the cosmos. I caught myself thinking that I would catch the air with my lips and I thirsted for kisses. I must admit that I didn’t feel a single ounce of embarrassment. I didn’t mind whether I yelled or not.  A feeling of security and insecurity at the same time!

Within seconds Jack stopped his swinging, and I fell into a happy dream.

I don’t know how much time had passed, but when I awoke on Jack’s back I could see through the windows of the car an unbelievably beautiful sunset. The first thing I felt were my hands. My fingers had become so sensitive,  the pads on them so moist, that I wanted to touch Jack with them. I was somewhat frightened by my open gesture, but Jack stroked me in return in a friendly fashion. Then I began to knead myself with my fingers, in the way you have to knead drying honey into ice cream just before it is served. This action was so new and exciting for me that I would first stroke myself, then Jack. The result was a marvelous and fragrant dish.  I could not control time. It seemed to me that an immeasurably long period of time had passed.  My sensitivity became extreme: I could even feel every movement of air.  Jack’s skin smelled of aromatic coffee, and the smell reminded me of the distant childhood dream which I never wanted to wake up from. A little later I squeezed Jack’s hair with my fingers and rubbed my head against it.

All of my attention would be attracted to whichever part of my body Jack was touching, and it seemed to be the only important part. I don’t know where he learned this, but he had remarkable control over time, squeezing the maximum possible out of it, as one would squeeze a ripe orange. There was no rush. He chose a very peaceful, methodical rhythm for our communication.

I turned my head and saw next me a new, shining one-cent piece.  It seemed to be smiling at me and begged to be put in my pocket. I picked it up at once and again recalled our amazing story. This cent had certainly been a part of Jack, or the butterfly, which was one and the same.  I kissed Jack on the shoulder.

“This A has arranged such bright colors for us.  You get used to them,  but then you think that without them you wouldn’t want to go on living,” said Jack.

But it was all the same to me. I was  getting incomparable pleasure just from the fact that he was next to me.

We started to move further towards the source, along the same lovely banks of the beautiful river, and then I suddenly realized that now nature had become more colorful.  When I was traveling with my father I  looked on nature as a digital color picture in a magazine. This bright nature had not been part of me. But now I felt that I was a part of it.

part 2

Previously landscapes and people had held no interest for me because I had been a completely frozen creature. But now every moment brought with it unique smells, sounds, colours. I wanted something, but I couldn’t understand precisely what that something was. But one thing was clear: I longed to feel it, that something that was unknown to me, but which I desired so much in life. I stretched my back on the leather seat of the car and realised that I wanted once again to plunge into the world of pleasure, though my back and legs were still nicely moaning after the flights with the “cent”. It seemed that I would not be able to get enough of these experiences. I could no longer live without genuine expression of feelings. I would thirst to experience them again, or I would burst into tears, God dammit.

My eyes grew instantly wet. I wanted the fun to never end. Why are girls brought up according to strict unwritten rules, why are they forbidden to take the initiative, why is this idea hammered so hard into a woman’s head that it is impossible to overcome even if a man himself asks for it?  And why did Jack not ask for it?  Was it because he didn’t like me enough? Was it because I’d done something wrong?  But it was as though he read my thoughts:

“You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.  You’re such an intelligent, sensitive girl.  You’re the most outstanding girl, and your breasts are unbelievably beautiful,” he said tenderly.

When Jack mentioned my breasts it made me embarrassed for ever doubting him. Of course, my breasts weren’t the most beautiful ever, but I had no plans to fill them with silicone, put it that way. It was possible that Jack didn’t feel an attraction to “silicone valleys”.

“I’m sorry, Jack. Being with you today I was happy like never before in my whole life! And it’s better to spend one day burning brightly than a whole life without any kind of mutual understanding. All these years I’ve seen so many men who have no solid core. You know, they’re kind of weak and they don’t know what they really want. They aren’t as active as you. They always have the same excuses.”  For the first time I caught myself thinking that I was being sly with Jack and trying to provoke him.

Somehow I recalled how I had once sat watching a film in the living room, sipping tea. The main character in the movie decided to make her boring life more interesting by inventing all kinds of sexual fantasies, which gradually began to be translated into her real life.  Images of violence which she had unconsciously been seeking flashed in my head. First she was harassed in an elevator and then raped by a taxi driver. But she immensely enjoyed every such intercourse. For some reason I now wanted Jack to be that taxi driver. I began to beat my fists against his chest and curse with the most disgusting words I knew (I wonder — where did I know them from?). I didn’t realise that I had such a large vocabulary. I hated myself, but asked and demanded that he should beat me and then do with me whatever he wanted. No such things had ever entered my head before, but now I so badly wanted them to happen. I began to scream, my face filled with blood, and I went on beating Jack with my fists. And at the same time I was feeling unimaginable pleasure as though I was getting revenge on the taxi driver for not letting me have the toy I wanted.

“Keep screaming, good job!” Jack said. “It’s happening — you’re relaxing. It’s wonderful that you are becoming free so quickly. And please don’t stop, I beg you. If you want to you can give me a hug and lay your head on my chest. Or you can scream and swear and don’t even worry what words you use.  Curse me!  Everything is my fault!  I’m the most disgusting guy you ever knew.  I didn’t let you sleep in the morning and kept waking you up.  I couldn’t go down on you and play with you just when you wanted it so badly.  Every night before bed time I left you and went to sleep in another room while you were burning with desire,” Jack was shouting.  Jack asked me for some unknown forgiveness and my hands moved towards his stomach and then lower down. He went on.  I suddenly wanted to jump on him and scratch him.

I began to be angry with him in a non-childish way. My hands boldly, determinedly, undid his belt that blocked the way to my object of desire, and I was about to unbutton his neatly-creased pants. But then he suddenly announced in a completely calm voice:

“Your urge to experience violence will take some time to disappear. It comes from a long waiting and anticipation of love.”

His calm voice and educational manner angered me even more.  The beast in me had been awakened and Jack was clearly teasing it.  No, Jack, even if you beat me and raped me, that still wouldn’t help to release me from these obsessive thoughts.  Indeed it might have quite the opposite effect.  He promised to arrange some kind of a show for me to solve the problem, but I wasn’t listening to him.

With one movement I tore off my top (I should really have done that to Jack’s shirt!), hugged him tightly and began to play aggressively like a kitten.  I had no idea how to begin this most primitive intimacy with a man and was just doing everything by instinct.  Jack didn’t push me away or say bad words.  My attack continued and I was no longer aware of what I was doing, but Jack remained patient and tactful.  Not once in my life had I openly admitted to myself what it was I really wanted. Not once had I provoked someone into violence. It means that secretly I always wanted it and now this desire broke through. I screamed for him to do it and could no longer even recognize myself.  I was like a raging animal that just wanted its own way.

“Ok,” said Jack. “I planned to make this journey much later, but we will do it now.  I’ll change the music and we will set off right away.”

Outside the car it was already dark.  It was quiet too and my heart was the only thing beating in the whole universe.  Jack put on a new tune and, as always, said with a knowing look that this music would do its job — we only had to believe that it would work.  The music was supposed to deal with my past indecisiveness and my present aggression.  I felt like I was having a session with a psychoanalyst.  But I looked at Jack and somehow grew warmer.  He said that many people experience indecision in their real lives, and so in their fantasies arrange the most real and shameless orgy scenes, which often contain some violence.

As he talked, the desire began to grow in me again.  I tried to restrain myself as best I could. But it didn’t last long and I was running out of patience.  I was irritated that he was wasting time and talking about these trifles.  I wanted to scream that he should do “that” again!  I wanted him to satisfy my uncontrolled desire to love!  To love without words, to love like wild animals.

“This music will set us on a really good path, a fabulous journey — it will make you so happy!  You’ll experience a reality that will please you so much and it won’t go against your fantasies.  My sweet girl, it will be hard for you at first, but I think you’ll soon get to the point of it being pleasurable.  You know, the main thing is that all the fantasies you’ve had will come true! And not just those you’re already aware of, but also others that you’re not aware of, and which could terrify you.  These will be your own stories, and not someone else’s that you had to invent.  Now you won’t have to do that because you’ll understand: the reality of life is much more beautiful than any fantasy could be.  Thanks to ‘A’ you’ll soon be able to access both reality and beauty.”

“Jack, what’s this soft little mouse on the dashboard?” I asked.  But seeing my wild mood, Jack wasn’t particularly keen to answer.

“That’s ‘A-Mouse’.”  As he finished speaking, Jack began to whistle with his butterfly wings.  Again I found myself in that place where Jack and I had travelled together.  But I was perturbed that he wasn’t there with me, and my animal desire to play was not yet over.  I saw the same colours, the same landscape, but I couldn’t find Jack.  I could feel a pleasant state of alarm rising within me. It was like how I felt a long time ago at a school party.  I was looking around for my classmate and waiting for him to ask me to dance with him.  I recall that I had been filled with agitation then, but this time the alarm was greater and much more pleasant.  I began to move slowly in the direction of the hill so I could have a view of the whole place.  For some reason I didn’t want to call Jack’s name and disturb the silence with my voice.  I continued to walk and enjoy the nature, although my mind was still in such impatience.

I was filled with some feeling of discomfort.  Now Jack knew my secrets.  I wanted to change back to the grey invisible mouse I had been all these years.  Jack did not take anything as a joke, he just acted: openly and decisively. Just think of his trick with the “cent”!  I blushed with embarrassment.  Jack knew the whole series of events between me and the “cent” from top to bottom.  But somehow I still needed to continue this story!  “This awful stubbornness is going to ruin me,” I thought.

I had never been with a man before, but now I got the feeling that I had been with a dozen men all at once!  This terrible truth was now obvious.  Was I really just like one of those ordinary air-headed thoughtless girls?  Lust had got the better of me.  What the hell would Jack think?

I did not notice that in this state of mild anxiety I came to some well-trodden paths, which bore the imprints of horseshoes.  The bright colours of childhood came to me again.  This time they were sharper and more realistic.  Again I thought of Jack, about how I was trying in this wild and reckless manner to get from this man I hardly knew something that for a long time I hadn’t even been able to think about.  How I wanted to hear his voice.

And Jack’s voice was there, as though he had been reading my thoughts.  He called me over to the stream.  As soon as I took the first step I realised that my feelings were like those of the recent flight.  Again I was turning into a warm lump of putty in Jack’s hands.  But now I was anxious not about the speed, as I was last time, but about the unusual sensations I was feeling inside me.  I thought that Jack was arranging some kind of surprise for me and I was right.  This time there was something pulling away inside me, as though that same playful ‘A-Mouse’ that I had seen in the car was now near my navel.  He was making some pleasant attempts to crawl under my skin.  But the unexpectedness of it made me object and shout that Jack shouldn’t be doing that.  I wasn’t a lab rat, but a person, thank you very much!  And at that moment Jack appeared in front of me in the form of a thin, extenuated balloon with a very strange shape, like a small copy of me.

What was he trying to say?  That my own body will become as thin as that?  That my skin and muscles will stretch from inside by this little mouse until they look like this?  Jack, this is going too far!  But just as I was about to object, Jack-the-balloon smiled sweetly and to my surprise I began to feel divinely good from the presence of the A-Mouse, who I now seemed to belong to, by all appearances, in line with Jack’s plan. The Mouse became a part of me and like any curious little animal was enjoying itself in a bustling, mindless way. Although he was sometimes causing a degree of pain, I wasn’t going to let it show. The energetic mood of the A-Mouse transmitted itself to me.  I wanted to get on the dance floor and relieve my aggressive state through action.  A plateau in the foothills could serve as a dance floor, so the mouse and I climbed up there with ease.  I was struck by the music.  It seemed to be coming out of every bush and even streaming down from the sky!

I really wanted to invite Jack to dance, just like all those years ago with my indecisive classmate.  But Jack read my thoughts again.  A brief idea flashed through my mind that I could invite lots of different people, but then I thought that this would just be a waste of time. No-one could understand me in the same way Jack did, anyway.  At any rate, in the course of one day, which was not yet over, I had more surprises than any time in my life.  And what’s more, unlike my former classmate, Jack showed initiative.  This was so nice that I didn’t have to persuade or convince anyone. No sooner had I started to desire something really bad, than Jack turned it into  reality.

As I thought about it I realised that the dance floor was very familiar.  Of course, it was the same one as in the hotel where I’d often gone with my father!  I listened to the sounds with delight and felt pleasant emotions building inside me.  I wanted never to stop dancing, to move around and enjoy myself.  But after a while I wanted to visit the ladies’ room.  To get there I had to walk down a dark path, which had the smell of fear and was thickly overgrown with bushes and trees.  “Obviously this path isn’t used very often,” was the thought that flashed through my mind.  I nearly fell in surprise when I saw at my feet a cheap cigar decoration, the type that is normally hung up in stores as an advertisement.

Suddenly a door burst open next to me, a towel landed over my head, and a bony hand pulled me into a dark room.  My mouth was blocked, first with a hand and then a piece of cloth.  I tried to scream, but at once received a sharp blow to the face.  This wasn’t one of Jack’s tricks.  It was someone I didn’t know at all, who stank of cabbage.  My face was burning from the impact of the blow, and my cheek was on fire.  There was no sense in shouting and I was about to die of fright.  Before me stood a young man of short stature — a typical native guy, with a non-sporty physique, the kind you might meet every day on the street.  He was entirely naked, apart from a red bandana around his neck.

“I’ve been waiting for you for a long time.”  He shouted something in his own language, but I didn’t understand a word.  Suddenly, he pounced on me and began stripping me off.

“First, as is only right, I’ll teach you to smoke cigars, and then you’ll be my prisoner for a number of years, and every day we’ll smoke together, just the two of us.”  It was awful that someone had control over me and my freedom.

I knew that this was just how I had imagined him in my fantasies.  But in real life this oaf only filled me with revulsion.  He couldn’t treat me like this, just because I’d once fantasised about something!  In real life these scenes were too unpleasant.  I shouted out again.  An incredible feeling of disgust ran through me when this stranger began to undress me.   He laid me down on a mattress on the floor and threw himself on top of me.  I tried to scream, but the gag stopped me from calling for help.  The native carried an open case of cigars of enormous proportions on his neck. Perhaps, on the Internet the local cigars were only shown in photos that were reduced in size and gave an entirely false impression.

I tried to make for the door so I could bang on it and send a signal to Jack, but the savage stopped me and then began to look for something.  He quickly ran out of the door, then back into the room, out through the door again and finally returned holding an old rope.  When the oaf was tying me up to a mattress of palm leaves, I tried to kick at the dangling cigar case as my legs were still free.  I gave it a kick, but the blow was too weak to have any effect on that enormous case.

The half-savage man sat down at his work table, on which lay tobacco leaves and tools.  He was getting the leaves into alignment, bundling them up and then rolling them together.  The smell of the leaves quickly spread through the room and was just as revolting as the smell of sour cabbage.  I thought that this was punishment for my recent behaviour.  What if this guy will make me roll his cigars every day, and enjoy my nakedness?  No way!

I had made up this situation for myself in the long hours when I couldn’t get to sleep. In my fantasies I was terribly afraid of my pursuer, and it was as if he was expecting this.  And what if I were to do the opposite?  I purred something in a friendly way and even tried smiling at him.  But he didn’t pay any attention to me and carried on with his work.  The savage rolled up another cigar and suddenly began to fuss over something.  He was like a primitive man, with enormous hands and the other parts of his body were disproportionately large too.  My God, he was a real cannibal!

During the trips with my father, the local guide told us that when Columbus discovered the Dominican Republic he almost came to be eaten by the local cannibals.  Several tribes of cannibals used to live here, but they either went away somewhere or were killed by the Europeans.  That was not important, what mattered was that they had definitely been there, and their blood was still present in the local tribes.  After hearing the guide’s explanation, I began to look at the smiling locals with different eyes.

The huge cannibal was running around to finally take care of me.  What to do?  After all this wasn’t some big-city pervert who was afraid of himself and would psyche himself out.  This was a stupid uneducated man, carrying out some quite obscure actions.

The savage tied my legs to the mattress and began to examine me, pacing around with his cigar.  Every now and then he would reach out his long tongue and lick the stinking cigar he had made. He suggested that I do the same, but I shook my head.  He insisted, but again I refused.  Then he began to jab the cigar into my belly, and kept doing it until it started to hurt.  Seeing that I was drawing my stomach in, he smiled in a friendly way.  Friendly as it seemed to him, that is. There was no pleasure in this primitive communication.  Romantic games with savage men turned out to be just boring and stupid.  This wild native didn’t hold any of the attraction that I yearned for.  His vulgar tricks with the cigar were worse than the stories that girls write on the Internet.  Maybe these stories seem romantic, but not when they are happening to you.

I tried to squeeze my legs together and mumbled into the gag that he should let me go.  But again he laid the enormous stinking cigar on my stomach, although this time in a domestic, rather than an aggressive, way.  I shuddered, more from the revolting smell than from his actions.  As he continued his long drawn-out cooking preparations, for his as yet unknown designs, the A-Mouse woke up inside me and began to play with me again.  It seemed as though the mouse had more connection to my secret fantasies than this savage.  Again the mouse was moving carefully about inside me, gently touching the places where it was needed.  And in my misery it got through to me and distracted me with its movements, almost relieving me from my state of fear.  Now there were two of us, and it wasn’t quite so terrible to be in the company of this wild man.

The mouse moved in time with my internal rhythm and gave out unusual sounds, which clearly the savage didn’t like.  He didn’t want to have a competitor, especially when it was an invisible one like this.  He thumped his fist on the table and began to walk slowly about the room, listening to the noises.  But the moment the savage stopped his pacing, my A-Mouse fell silent too.

It was amusing to watch them and I even forgot my fear.  I was especially amused that when the awful guy began to investigate my breasts, the A-Mouse touched some sort of a receptor and my chest sank down.  But as soon as he looked away, my chest would rise up again.  The stranger could see this out of the corner of his eye and it made him terribly angry.  Perhaps he thought that I simply hated him and that was why I could so skilfully manage my body, using it to express my feelings towards him.  The native was clearly fascinated by this.  He thought to himself, and looked at his drooping cigar.  He straightened himself up and the cigar straightened up too.  As soon as he looked at me, however, his cigar slid down again.  Convinced that this was no coincidence and that there was some relation between the two events, the savage began to pick at his cigar with his fingers.  He was angry that now he didn’t have the same control over his body as before.  Undoubtedly he wanted to take control of his small universe once more, and he started to read out some spell, drumming his fingers on the table.  The duel between the mouse and the savage continued.  Either the latter was having a bad day, or the mouse was playing an expert hand.  For the cannibal everything was falling apart.  He attempted to roll a new cigar, but it wasn’t a success.  He tried to set fire to a cigar leaf, but it wouldn’t burn.  Then he put the little god figures, which were on his desk, into the corners of the room, and, began to run howling from one corner to the other.

I now felt that I was safe.  I could see that the savage was losing his strength and his confidence, and in my mind I grew more confident and powerful.  I, the way I perceived myself now, should definitely win!  The savage consulted with his deities, going up to each in turn, and then he span around and around in the centre of the room like a child’s spinning top.  After this the stranger grabbed a big sturdy stick and, to my great surprise, smashed it down on the table where the leaves and cigars lay.  The sound was so loud that I screamed into my gag, but the savage continued to smash everything in his path, fighting with some invisible being.  He suddenly raised his stick over me, but unexpectedly stopped.  I froze in horror.  Surprisingly the savage lowered his stick and quickly restored the things he had destroyed.

I realized that the A-Mouse was Jack, and I felt easy again.  The savage picked up a jar filled with some liquid, dipped his cigar in it and then began to dry it, rolling it on a dirty piece of cloth.  Then he held the cigar between his legs and began to stroke it, as though it were something very dear and precious to him.  It was like some kind of voodoo.  While he did this, he made noises like a sea lion or some other mammal.  Shortly after, sitting in this strange pose, the savage began to howl a fascinating prayer.  It was full of masculine sounds, which were apparently supposed to make all members of the female sex come running to him, play an active role in satisfying all his desires and engage in some communal activity which was completely beyond my understanding.  The sounds of the savage merged with the sounds of the mouse, forming a throbbing vortex with his cigar at its centre.

This was probably how tornadoes were formed, for every year they took many lives in these parts. I was overwhelmed with fear again, this time fear of the forces of nature.  A wind began to rise in the room.  It picked up the remnants of the tobacco leaves and fanned smoke from an extinguished cigar, one of a number that were sticking out of a metal bucket.  The native shouted with joy.  He touched the cigar clamped between his knees, and seemed first to die and then revive again.  Small shudders were running over him, and, continuing to carry out these mysterious actions, he started to shake like a sick drug addict.  The room was getting airless.  The native was shouting louder and louder and then he threw himself on top of me again. I cried out from fear.

He was so heavy that I feared I would be crushed under his weight.  The stench of his smoked body was revolting.  That smell was everywhere.  But worst of all was that right under my nose he had his cigar, which he was touching very tenderly.  The native suggested that I do the same.  I mumbled to him that he was insane and that I wasn’t going to learn to smoke with a gag in my mouth. He was having fun, and he kept on trembling and doing witchcraft over his cigar.  The smell of his body made me feel sick, especially when he moved.  I could no longer bear the stink of his emotional and physical assault, the stink of his touch, the stink of his breath, and the reek of this old smoker who ate awful food.  I turned my face away and mumbled in disgust.  Furthermore everything was wet with sweat.  I was losing consciousness from the lack of air, and felt nothing but revulsion.  If I was still alive, it was only because I was hoping for help from Jack.  I was almost dying from the physical pressure and the pain.

After jumping on me like I was a trampoline, the native untied me and threw me to the ground, my hands still tied.  I was deafened for some time by his screaming and the whistling of the wind.  He continued to jump with the cigar in his hand and was excitedly repeating something familiar.  My God, what he was saying over and over again was “A-Mouse”!

The native suddenly left the room, but soon returned with some of his tribesmen.  There were three of them, all looking like him.  The tribesmen had cigar cases which were just as big as his.  But I was no longer scared of these cigars.  I feared the smell, their podgy bodies and the aggression that accompanied their stupid dances and antics.  I’m sorry, but I couldn’t bear the three of them.  These savages could really start a tornado, or at least a fire.  The airlessness of the room was intensifying.  They began to move from one corner of the room to the other, continuing the dance with their small deities.  Suddenly a wind arose in the room again, scattering the tobacco leaves in different directions. Out of these leaves and the remains of cigars a vortex was forming in the centre of the room. The natives stood in a circle and began to walk around the vortex.

They proceeded to dip their cigars in the liquid, as the first one had done before. After this, one of them jumped on top of me and began to prod me with his cigar.  At that moment I suddenly remembered the melody that Jack had played for me in the car and began to hum it.  In an instant my powers returned to me.  The first native ordered his tribesmen to be silent, and hearing the tune made a loud cry.  I didn’t understand anything that was going on.  However, to my surprise, the guy who was holding me down quickly got up and gave me a respectful bow.  Then each of them simultaneously stuck their cigars between their legs and together began to howl out the same song I was singing.  I felt like I was the soloist in a male-voice choir composed of anxious savages.

To my surprise they knew my song well and, as they hummed it, they shouted out in joy.  The savages bent over their cigars, as though they were trying to persuade them to do something.  A tornado got up in the room again and was howling together with us.  In a second the cigars were torn to shreds to the sound of their shrieks.  These scoundrels lost all interest in me, after they exhaustedly breathed out the last sounds of the song in chorus.  How banal!  What a waste of energy!  Was I really the same as they were, so wild and so dull-witted?

I was singing a song with the savages.  Until then I had considered myself much more educated, much more modern, than they were.  Was I really just wild and useless like them?  I realized that I didn’t want to be an ordinary person out there with petty desires.  Desires like these lose their value as soon as they are achieved.  And everything had begun so well too!  But these naked strangers with bandanas around their necks joined in and ruined everything.

And it could have worked out in a genuine way, an adult way:  real feelings and emotions between a man and a woman.  I wanted to go to Jack.

“Jack, where are you?”

“I’m here, Lola.”  Jack was standing looking at me as though nothing had happened.  I turned and pointed towards the savages, so that I could reproach Jack with them.  But there was nobody there.  Before me there was a workshop for producing cigars, but no savages.  Though, on the floor there was a heap of tobacco leaves, which I had been lying on.  But maybe I only imagined lying on them?  It was funny that there were no bruises or scratches on my body either.  I hung on Jack’s shoulder and burst into tears.  I was completely naked, but not ashamed in the least.

“Now ‘A’ will always be with you,” said Jack and I wept with relief.

“It’s not ‘A’ that I need, Jack.  It’s you!”

“And I’ll always be here with you too, my beautiful girl.”

“If you’re interested, Jack, I can tell you about my father and his big diamond business.”

“It’s not that I’m interested in diamonds or the money that they are worth.  I’m interested in people and the motives which guide them in a business like that,” replied Jack.

“Fine, I’ll tell you about these people and if you like I could introduce you.”

We stood very close to each other.  I felt tired and wanted a drink.  Jack lay me down neatly on a sofa at the very end of the room, and went out.  I got up and dressed, continuing to be tormented by thirst.  When you want a drink, diamonds are no use at all.  You begin to see moisture in all kinds of objects.  If you see an apple, you think that that apple would be ideal for quenching your thirst.  If there aren’t any apples, then any other fruit or berries will do just as well.  But the best thing of all would simply be clear spring water!  Only clear spring water could wash away all of today’s negative experiences.  My body smelt like those stupid fantasies.  How good it was that I had given up these stupid stories and would never go back to them.  I remembered the smell of the wild men, the stench of their disgusting cigars, and I wanted to go out and wash myself in a stream or even a puddle as soon as I could.  Moreover, because of my stubborn will and stupidity, I brought on myself a deal of mental trauma.  After such ordeals a number of inferiority complexes could have developed in me. From one viewpoint you could say that I had been together with lots of men at the same time, but you could also say that I hadn’t been with anyone at all and was still an innocent girl.  God, how I wanted to feel pure, in body and soul!

Pure fresh water would help me!  That’s why I so urgently wanted to find water to wash away my painful mood and restore confidence in my powers.

I remembered how I had beaten Jack with my fists, demanding that he do violence against me. What a great guy he is for not taking advantage of my weakness and for not doing just whatever I say.

I smiled.  But where could I get water?

“Lola, you might not believe me, but you won’t be able to drink your fill of this water as you want,” said Jack, handing me a bottle.

I grabbed it and began to drink greedily.  After finishing the bottle I realized that I wanted more and asked Jack for another.  I emptied the second one just as quickly. And I was still tormented by thirst.

“Jack darling,” I shuddered that I had called him this, but then calmed down.  He was really a sweet and dear man to me, and what’s more I loved him.  How lucky I was to have him!  I could have come across a jerk.  But, thank God (!), things were going so well, better than ever!  I hugged him and stopped crying.  Perhaps I was in a world that was quite new to me and far removed from real life.  But I was together with him — this remarkable man!  I needed to rely on him and trust in him since alien beings needed help.

“Jack darling!  That’s true!  I thought that I was quite cunning and shrewd before I came away with you.  But now I feel as though I’m from the Moon and don’t understand a thing about this world.  Please explain why I so badly need to drink?”

“As a matter of fact you don’t want to drink at all: your thirst is just a mirage.  You simply want to cleanse yourself after that episode which your inexperience plunged you into.  In normal life, people often get stuck in situations like that for years, sometimes practically their whole lives.  You were lucky: thanks to ‘A’ you were quickly purged of it!  I wasn’t worried about you.  A-Mouse was there with you after all.  However, you need a lot of water to completely clean away that awful episode of ‘violence’, so that it doesn’t leave behind any complexes or negative feeling.  That’s why you want to drink so badly.”

He put on a new record, but my state didn’t seem to change at all.

“To get a stream of clean water we can turn to a source we know well: we should spend some time listening to the ‘tinkling’ so to say of the spring close by.  But I can’t put on that song for you since I didn’t bring it with me.  That’s why I didn’t want to give you the opportunity to go through this ‘violence’ just yet.  Do you understand?  The music of the spring would quickly transform all today’s negatives into positives.  But for that music we should go to Phoenix.  And on the way you can tell me about the people who are involved in the diamond business.

I nodded with a feeling of tremendous gratitude and, throwing off my torn jacket, I wrapped myself in the soft blanket that Jack offered me.  For some time we drove along in silence: me, Jack, A-Mouse, and the cent too of course.  I had the feeling again that Jack was one of the family and that we had lived many years together.

“Jack, I don’t know what I can tell you about one of the most closed and secret businesses in the world,” I began. “If you are really interested in the people, I can tell you about the diamond exchange where all diamonds come in from the market.”

“Tell me about the ‘smells’.  When people follow the smell of diamonds they must be able to track a scent like a dog.”

“You sound like my father.  He has told me a lot about having a nose for diamonds, which also can let down a great deal of entrepreneurs.  But I’ll let you into an important fact.  My father doesn’t like our neighbours, who are always complaining to the police about us on account of the dogs.  Father keeps dogs on the farm and sometimes he has them at the house too.  He actually has a lot of dogs, and I know some of his favourite ones well.  And these favourites scare our neighbours most of all, although they are really quite harmless.  But people are afraid of the way the dogs look at you, and I used to be too.  In fact the dogs look at everything in that way due to a special diet they have, but the neighbours are concerned that they could get bitten at any time.”

“And what’s so special about the way they look at people?”

“I don’t know.  I only know that it’s the diet that’s the cause of it, and that their gaze isn’t the most important thing at all.  The main thing is their sense of smell, which you mentioned already.  That ability is very useful in the diamond business.  In the past, diamond ore was dug up with shovels and sorted by hand.  People would dig through over a million tonnes of earth to find it.  And when they did, a terrible war would break out.  So it was very dangerous to mine for ore in an open way.  Nobody was supposed to know about it.”

“That’s right: the sparkle of diamonds is more dangerous than bullets.  It acts directly on the human brain and people lose all reason.  Please tell me about it.  I know that your father is considered the most successful and prudent in this business.  His cold heart and intellect excite my banker so much that he is prepared to learn at his feet day and night.  But your father doesn’t train anyone.”

“And he’s right not to.  As long as he doesn’t reveal the secret of the dogs’ special diet, he’s safe.”

“But why is the diet such a secret?”

“I don’t know why I’m telling you this, but father has trained the dogs to search for grey-blue clay, and that leads him straight to the ore.  You know, Jack, this clay occurs wherever there are diamond deposits.  There’s a lot of this clay, millions of tonnes of it, and it’s all there under our feet.  You could be walking right over it every day, but nothing would come of it.  Can you imagine how many people are interested in this?  It is this outcome that interests everyone, not the millions of tonnes of dug-over clay.”

“I gather that his whole business is based on the keen sense of smell of his dogs?”

“You know, in the past people built houses out of dense constructions of this grey-blue clay.  People took large lumps of clay and made walls out of them.  They didn’t know that in these solid structures there could be found a great quantity of diamond ore!  They knew nothing about geology.  Can you imagine how much a small house like that can be worth?  There can be ten to fifteen kilograms of top-quality ore!  People go to work every day and never suspect that they don’t really have to — they are already very rich!”

As I told Jack about all of this I somehow felt safe.  I remembered my childhood years.  I yearned for parental warmth and love, but father was always preoccupied with his diamonds.  He was strict with me, but didn’t devote enough time to me.  I was angry about it and even thought that I would grow up and get my revenge on him.  I didn’t understand why he needed money when he already had me.

“So your father would go on business trips with one of his dogs?” asked Jack.

“Yes. He would take one of his favourite dogs and go away for two weeks, sometime a month.”

“And come back with a bagful of diamonds?”

“No, there were always bankers who would accompany him on the trips.  They knew that father never went anywhere without success.  And they were surrounded by a lot of bodyguards.”

“I guess that on one trip your father would bring in ten kilos of diamonds?  That’s a fortune!”  Jack looked at me in wonder.

“Of course not.  On one trip he could get a hundred kilos, or if he was lucky a hundred and fifty to two hundred kilos of diamond ore!  That’s why the bankers love him so much.  They love money.  And I hate diamonds because due to them I didn’t see my father for weeks in my childhood.”

“I wonder what they do with such a large quantity of diamonds?”

“For each trip they work out an entire financial scheme.  Each of them brings in stones of 5, 15 and 25 carats which are immediately put into use.  For each of them they write out contracts, make agreements about processing and so on.  He doesn’t have any kind of diamond deposit at all.”

My phone rang.  I looked at the caller ID — it was my father.

“Jack, it’s father. What should I do?”

“I think you should answer it,” he said and immediately changed the music to another track.  I picked up the receiver.

“How is it going?” asked father.

“Fine.  I’m going away visiting with a friend for the day.”  It was useless to lie to him, so I just told the truth.

“Please be careful not to tell anyone about my business,” father said sternly.  “I know that you have just been talking about me.  Tell me something about the person you’re travelling with.”

“He’s a good guy,” I answered uncertainly.

“Keep to the point.  This escapade he’s getting you into, is it dangerous?  Do you feel threatened?”

“He’s a good guy,” I said again.

“I have little interest in what kind of a man he is.  Answer my question.  Do you feel threatened with him?”
“No,” I answered.

“Okay.  I’ll call you later,” said father, now more gently, and he ended the call.

“I wouldn’t like my father to interfere in our relations.  And I don’t think that he’s going to do that.  He has a very powerful intuition.  And now he’s got from me the answer that he wanted to hear.”

“Are you worried?” asked Jack.

“Not any more.  He heard my answer, otherwise it wouldn’t be so good.”

“And how do his dogs hunt for diamonds?” continued Jack.

“It’s very simple: beforehand he rents one of those houses for a certain period.  The first thing he does is take the dog down to the basement and the dog starts sniffing the walls.  It soon finds the right brick.  Father marks the place with chalk and then leaves.  After him there are workers who come to cut out the brick and put another in its place.  If there are a lot of these bricks then they buy the whole house, work in it for 2-3 weeks, and then sell it again cheaply.”

“So the big companies have to dig through a lot of earth, but your father doesn’t have to do that?”

“Yes, that’s right.  He asked me just now if I was telling you about his business.”

“And what did you answer?”

“I told him that you were a good guy.”

“Does he think that I might be dangerous?”

“He suspected you might be, but after the answer I gave he will calm down for a while.”

“And does he have many banker friends?” asked Jack.

“No, just a few.  But they are very good and intelligent people, despite the fact that they are continually armed.”

“These people, including your father, get pleasure from the pursuit of intense sensation.  And I can get these intense sensations without leaving the car.  All of these feelings can be produced in a single file!  That file might be acoustic, like the music you’re listening to now, or like the music that we’re on the way to get.” Jack set off again.

“Don’t worry about it, Jack.  I believe you when you say that it is easier to deal with virtual emotions.  I have felt myself how your music works.  It works so well!  But you yourself still want simple warmth!  It is not virtual warmth that you want, but human warmth!”  I was feeling a little sorry for myself.

“Virtual emotions, that’s the future. They cause no wars, no bloodshed.  And all diamond hunters turn out to be just ordinary murderers.”

“A lot of people live for years on the hunt.  They seek out weak people, who yesterday were still strong, and end up actually killing them.  Compared to them, other people live like mice.  I used to live like that too.”

“And did you enjoy your life without emotions?”

“I am not arguing with you or disputing anything.  I realize that your music is better than diamond hunting. I know that in one day I felt more emotions than in the rest of my entire life.”

Jack suddenly asked me to tell where the diamonds were kept.  I knew that he didn’t have any intentions to rob me or my father, but I was on my guard.

“You experienced for yourself how ‘A’ and the audio files work.  It’s a big business, Lola.  It’s better than diamonds!  I invite you to be a partner with me.  If we’re talking about business, we’ll make a lot of money!  But I’m not doing this because of the money.  I’m only doing it because it’s very useful and invaluable for ordinary young people who get disabled in sports or some other kind of warfare.”

“Can I ask you a concrete question?” I said. “How much money do you need to finance this project?”

Jack leant over from behind the wheel to kiss me, but I moved away and insisted on an answer.

“I don’t know how much money I need.  What I do know is that people need this technology, and they will pay for the music and the sounds!”

“Yes, but still, how much money do you need?  Have you never even thought about it?”

“That was always a secondary question for me.  Off the top of my head I’d say I need around fifteen million dollars.”

“If you could get that money who would you pay in the first instance?”

“I want to produce some music discs for young people who play sports, and give those to them.  The music will neutralize their aggression.”

“But then they won’t be able to play sport.  To win, people need aggression.  And they have to win, because that is what sport is all about.”

“Instead of arguing with you, I’ll just invite you to one very entertaining place.  You will see everything with your own eyes.  You know it’s very difficult for me to explain those things to you that at this stage you aren’t even able to imagine!  I’ll arrange a present for you that you will be so delighted with.  And then you’ll understand that this is just what young people need.  They will dream of getting it even more because the price will be ludicrous.  It will be cheaper than an ordinary music file.”

“I’ve already been in one ‘entertaining’ place.  And since then I’ve been so thirsty.  But seriously, it was quite scary.  Now I’m fine, apart from the thirst.”

Jack offered me another bottle of water and I grabbed it eagerly.  He went on talking excitedly about his idea.

“How much does a trip to the Dominican Republic cost?  To feel comfortable in an average hotel you would have to pay about two to three thousand dollars for a family for ten days.  With flights that would make it around six thousand dollars.  But if you take the pleasure from the flights, the journey, and then adapting to being at home again, and compare it with meaninglessly listening to music at home, then the pleasure from my files will be much more effective.  And emotionally they will feel much better too.”

“I believe you, Jack.  Don’t get excited.”

“And then if you compare it with the people crippled from injuries they stupidly got in sport.  They just wanted to have some fun, but ended up crippled.  Or they might have become moral cripples on the roads and injure ordinary people.  Instead they could just have sat at home and had a good time.  Are you saying that I’m not right?”

“I don’t know about this issue in detail, so I can’t say with any certainty.”

“But you were just exposed to the virtual theatre a couple minutes ago.”

“I’m not arguing that it was great.  But still I don’t know all there is to know about this question, so I couldn’t say for sure.”

He fell quiet.  In the car there was silence.  With hardly a word we drove to the desert of Phoenix.

to be continued…

397 Comments leave one →
  1. Tina permalink
    February 23, 2010 6:36 pm

    I’m auctions to read the next part. Like Lola i live in California and i always feel this cold breeze of ocean. My husband likes too surf. He is a cold man and i think he doesn’t love me anymore, probably because he froze his prostate. I want to leave him, but i have nowhere to go. I don’t have Jack.

  2. Helen permalink
    February 24, 2010 7:18 pm

    Wow, that’s a pretty obscure book – very rare these days… Brought me back to my childhood years. My Mom has always been there, but at the same time she wasn’t really. She was at work all the time. Taking care of her business, earning money, but never quite paying attention to me. Being the only child, the loneliness was palpable. The void that can never be filled, cold frozen ocean of the heart – unfortunately, I can relate. And the messed up childhood always leads to future mistakes and insecurities of the adult life. Which in their turn result in unhappy existence, broken marriages and homes, and, the worst of all, frozen little hearts of children. Yes, I think every mother should take her motherhood responsibilites much more serious.

    • Catherine permalink
      February 24, 2010 11:30 pm

      Helen, I’m sorry, but I have to slightly disagree with you here. I’m a mom, and I don’t think every mom should take her responsibilities THAT serious. If you are too serious of a mom, you are not that much fun anymore. Yes, you should definitely spend more time with your kids, play with them, go on trips, build memories. But moms are people too. They want their personal time, they have their interests. Just because you had a baby doesn’t necessarily mean that you seized to be yourself. I still have regrets about leaving my job. I think I would be a better mother, the mother that doesn’t dream about running away, but looks forward to coming back home and seeing her children.

      • Helen permalink
        February 27, 2010 12:54 am

        I don’t know about that… I believe that once a woman becomes a mother, she should pretty much forget about her own desires. Her child should come first!! How can it be different? If it was different, animals wouldn’t be able to survive if their mothers didn’t feed them first before eating themselves. If a woman is selfish, and wants to have a career, she shouldn’t be having children. Lots of contemporary women want to have the best of two worlds, but just end up bringing dysfunctional individuals into this one. Nobody should be allowed to do that! That’s exactly what the author is trying to say. How could we be different, if our mother never had time to sing to us?? If both of our parents were focused on making money or on satisfying their unnecessary egocentric needs???

  3. Rick permalink
    February 24, 2010 9:59 pm

    Sci-fi side of the story is VERY captivating. I’m a big fan of sci-fi, and this is what got me interested in the first two parts of the book. Intriguing…. you never quite know what’s gonna happen next, or what’s happening at this very moment. Like with the butterfly. It’s a kinda cool when Jack transforms into butterfly – makes you think and wonder. It’s like visiting another planet where our Earth rules don’t apply.

  4. Robert permalink
    February 24, 2010 10:13 pm

    Good day everyone! I just though I would leave the comment, since I was touched by the story so deeply. I’m a middle-aged guy living in NYC. My son is a very successful football player. He makes good money, he likes what he does – that should be the dream of every father. But there something that worries me a lot. They are not simply playing a game, they are fighting. Fighting for audience’s attention, money, fame. So much agression, so much absolutely unnecessary agression. But without it – there will be no success. It seems like in today’s society we are encouraged to always be the winners, no matter what. Even if we hurt somebody else on our way to victory. In a way, I would like to agree with the author. Sports is like war. The same rules apply.

    • Rick permalink
      February 24, 2010 11:52 pm

      I don’t think sports means war. Athletes have to be agressive to win, but it’s got nothing to do with war. What about Olympics then? It’s representing peace, not war. I gotta disagree with you here, man. You’re taking it too seriously, and in a wrong way. Your son wants to be a winner, he wants to impress – ain’t nothing wrong with that. And in our world, the strongest ones survive. I think it’s better to eat than be eaten. Don’t you?

      • Tina permalink
        February 27, 2010 5:20 am

        Eat your gilfrieng then. I hope you ehjoy your meal.

  5. Christine permalink
    February 24, 2010 10:25 pm

    Man, this book is totally cool! I mean, I can totally relate to Lola. She wants to be free, she wants to run away from those diamonds and whatever other things that every “normal” person in our society SOOOO wantss to have. You know what I mean? Aren’t you tired of people always being so direct and planning their lives so thoroughly, up to retirement? I mean, man, you never know what’s coming next, right? Might as well enjoy what you have now. And I find it totally awesome – the way she just decides to run away, and leave it all behind. It’s my dream come true! I can’t wait for the continuation.

  6. Catherine permalink
    February 24, 2010 10:46 pm

    Oh, it seems like the author of the previous comment read my mind! I also want to run away – run away from it all. But in real life things aren’t quite as easy.. I am a stay-at-home mom with 3 kids. Life’s great, don’t get me wrong! I love my family. But sometimes, I dream of running away and being completely free and young and beautiful. The part about Lola’s escape and the sensual description of the sex scene made me remember my younger self. And also made me think – we don’t really relate to each other when we have sex. Not like we’re supposed to. Not like Lola and Jack. It should be a mix of sensuality and mental attachment. It should be a journey. And we just narrow it down to a pure animalistic act. I think I would be happier in Dimension A. 🙂

    • Christine permalink
      February 24, 2010 11:18 pm

      That’s it, that’s it!! That’s what I wanted to talk about in my post, but totally missed the point. Sex… what did we turn it into these days? Something totally not cool. I mean, we’re just doing it without thinking, without relating to our partner. Wouldn’t it be just so much cooler if we could see butterflies, and hear music, and transform? And don’t think about time – just live in this very moment, this very second. Totally groovy :). And about running away… it’s a kinda weird that since we’re little girls everybody and their brother expects you to dream about a husband with an office job, a bunch of kids, and a house with a white fence. And a diamond. 🙂 But when you have it all – you want to run away. Just like Catherine, right?

  7. Shawn permalink
    February 24, 2010 11:02 pm

    And I think that the main aspect of the book is music. Music, music and only music. But then again – maybe that’s because I’m a musician? 😉 I think that anybody who plays music, sings, or just loves music can compare listening to a good song with being transfered to the different dimension. Carried away on the wings of a beautifil melody. One moment you are here, and the next moment you’re in a totally different place, and it’s a cooler place, different from what we are used to. Here we operate on our senses, feelings, emotions – not the mind. And that’s the reason for everything being much more colorful. Shapes don’t matter (that’s why Jack is a butterfly, I think). Just like little children – they also go by their immediate emotions. They just like you or they don’t. It’s much easier, when the mind doesn’t have to be involved that much. Just music.

  8. Gerald permalink
    February 24, 2010 11:45 pm

    A very good read. The story is written in a bit of stream of consciousness manner. You’re never quite sure where you are or who are for that matter. Quite fascinating. I’m majoring in literature, and find the author’s style very peculiar – that’s what interested me in the book. The free flowing narration, use of so many metaphors and allegories. Can’t wait for the continuation.

  9. Jonathan permalink
    February 25, 2010 10:15 pm

    The book is too far out there. Not possible to follow. Most of the time I’ve no idea of what’s going on. The storyline is catchy, but the narration style totally throws me off.

  10. Jonathan permalink
    February 25, 2010 10:47 pm

    The book is too far out there. At least for me… Not possible to follow. Most of the time I’ve no idea what’s going on. And that is especially irritating, because the storyline (if you can call it that way) is sort of catchy. But the narration style suffers. Completely throws me off.

    • Jean Pierre permalink
      February 26, 2010 5:55 pm

      Tu Oblier votre tete mon ami..

  11. Alicia permalink
    February 26, 2010 12:00 am

    The story brought up so many issues of my own life that at first I thought I was dreaming that somebody has read my mind, sensed my most secret emotions, and put it all in words. That’s the first thing that came to mind when I read the two parts of the story. I’ve recently gone through a very painful break-up. He never understood me. Every time I was trying to explain, to reveal my inner self, he was just escaping me, hiding from me, refusing to even talk to me! He ignored my fantasies and my desires. Just like Lola, all of us, especially women, have a lot of hidden desires. We want these treasures to be discovered and admired at. But unfortunately it just doesn’t happen this way. What a shame…

  12. Dylan permalink
    February 26, 2010 12:14 am

    I think the story is utterly intense. It reminded me of a movie I’ve recently seen, “Sex and Lucia” directed by Julio Medem. The same esoteric and surreal vibe. The same semi-dark connotation mixed with sparks of optimism and lights of better worlds. The same dubiousness of perception. It’s amazing how some writers, directors, and composers manage to recreate the deepest shadows of our subconsciousness. I’m a big fan of surreal arts of any kind, and this book can definitely be considered one of the most obscure pieces I’ve read in a while.

  13. Ben permalink
    February 26, 2010 12:23 am

    I don’t even know why anybody would like this kind of books. I mean, come on! After reading for a while, I already forget where I was half a minute ago. And it’s not like I’m suffering from a lack of concentration. It looks like a lot of people here have enjoyed it, and I just can’t figure out why. Why???

  14. Dylan permalink
    February 26, 2010 12:40 am

    Oh, wow! Good that I haven’t left yet. Was checking out other links here, and then just happened to come back here and see Ben’s post. Well, I’ll be happy to try to answer your question. You are trying to perceive the plot in a linear realistic manner. And that’s not how you treat surreal art. You have to be able to open up your senses and use your sub-consciousness to guide you through the mysteries of the narration. Don’t be afraid to look into your sub-consciousness. Some people are too scared of what they can find there… and that’s why they call themselves realists and reject anything that has to do with any kind of “abnormalities”. Only this way you will be able to understand what other people like about the book. Otherwise, we will be just speaking into emptiness, instead talking to each other.

  15. Michelle permalink
    February 26, 2010 1:07 am

    I liked that the issue of a woman’s incapability to initiate a relationship (or an intercourse) was brought up. It’s always pissed me off! How’s it possible that everything, even such a minor thing as a start of a sexual intercourse between already established partners, is by default reserved for men? I can just HEAR some people telling me – this is nature, this is how it’s supposed to be. You know what? I don’t care about nature! We’ve evolved after all, and I want (just like Lola) to be in control of my sexual life as well.

  16. Catherine permalink
    February 26, 2010 1:17 am

    I don’t believe the author is bringing up the issue of a woman’s independence. To the contrary, Jack is trying to convince Lola to keep it down, to tame her beast. The author was probably thinking about unsatisfied desires that are hiding deep inside of every woman. The more of those unsatisfied desires, the scarier the beast. Lola, quite obviously, has a lot of them, and Jack us trying to calm her down. IMHO.

  17. Eli permalink
    February 26, 2010 5:26 pm

    I found your book to be quite interesting. I love the lucidity of things. Very stream of conciousness. That’s the way I tend to like my lyrics in music as well. I loved the correlation between life and music by the way. Your Studio54 recordings are pretty interesting as well. All in all a cool story thus far. Can’t wait for more to come.

  18. Delia in Florida permalink
    February 26, 2010 5:33 pm

    The story has a beautiful flow to it. Are you a fan of Isaac Asimov? The imagery that you conjure up reminds me of some of his surreal settings. Otherworldly is probably the best way to describe it. Thanks for turning me on to something interesting. A lot of folks commenting here are getting wrapped up in the story which leads me to think that you have definently found a way to make the surreal tangible. Cheers, Delia

  19. Jean Pierre permalink
    February 26, 2010 5:39 pm

    Tres magnifique. Le monde tu savez est beau et surreal. Merci beaucoup via Montreal. Ques que c’est le prochain livre? Je ecoute le music aussi. Est tres cool.

  20. Catherine permalink
    February 26, 2010 11:08 pm

    I see we have more and more people visiting the page every day. It’s very exciting!! I re-read the second part today and it made me think about something else. Whenever Lola is dealing with her demons, her mind always wanders back to her childhood. And her father is always there as well. The subliminal message must have something to do with longing for a stable and loving father figure. Without it a lot of women end up sexually messed up. Some crave more and more sex, and some refuse to have it. They think that they’re disgusted with this animalistic act, but in reality they’re just afraid to admit that that’s exactly what they want.

  21. Mike permalink
    February 26, 2010 11:13 pm

    Oh my God!!! The book describes so may disgusting sides of human nature… Why would one want even to read about it?? All of us know that all humans can be possessed by devil, but why read about it? Why write about it???

  22. Dylan permalink
    February 27, 2010 12:13 am

    I hate to start religious discussions here – simply because it never ends well. But I do believe that the only way to change “disgusting sides of human nature” is by directly confronting them. I won’t go into the origins of so called “demons” – it looks like we’ll never agree with people like Mike on that one – but wherever they’re coming from, we’ve got to get rid of them, right? That’s what Jack’s trying to do. He’s helping Lola confront her most violent fantasies (that are a result of repressed sexual energy, by the way), reveal a primitive savage inside her and conquer him. By ignoring this inner savage, you’re only making him stronger and more aggressive. No wonder conservative people get up to so much crazy stuff on the sly.

  23. Alicia permalink
    February 27, 2010 12:38 am

    I so wish my ex could understand my inner desires as well as Jack understands Lola’s. I think it’s a secret dream of every woman. Everybody seems to talk about men obsessed with sex, thinking only with their you know what.  But nobody seems to talk about women that way. We’re supposed to be saints of some sort. “Oh, he cheated on you? What an asshole! Probably was wanting more sex!” And what about women? What about women being obsessed and horny and wild? They don’t even think it’s possible. It seems like nothing’s changed since the times when sexual women were diagnosed with hysteria and treated for it!! A woman is supposed to be a pure creature free of any kind of filthy thought. That’s the way my ex saw me. I wish he could see me and love me for who I really am. 

  24. Sue in Denver permalink
    February 27, 2010 6:59 pm

    Your writing takes one out there for sure. I like the way you explore the primitive in relation to the native man and his brute ugliness. I am a student of creative writing and I can say without a doubt your style is creative on a very subconcious level. Keep up the good work, Sue

  25. Byron2112 permalink
    February 27, 2010 7:04 pm

    What exactly is everyone railing about on here? Is this a love story or a mind trip? The mouse thing is just plain weird. The troll guy with cigars is pretty damn vulgar. The music connection thing I just don’t get. Is any of this grounded in reality at all? Do women really go for this stuff?

  26. Lara permalink
    February 27, 2010 7:15 pm

    Byron, you may be missing the larger meaning. The story is written in a stream of consciousness fashion. The writer seems to be conveying the connectivity between things. Between her relationship with men in general, be it her father or someone else. She tries to wash this neurosis away with water but it is impossible to cleanse. Jack is the good in all of us pulling her onward on her journey. Many of us die having never known true consciousness. It seems that the writer see’s a correlation between the digital world of music and the real world. It’s almost a type of shamenism taking place here. Sometimes things are too heavy to digest because we are not ready for it yet. Let yourself go like the girl in the book and the world will be a more magical place. best wishes. Lara

  27. Nancy Macklis permalink
    February 27, 2010 7:19 pm

    Thanks for the afetrnoon well spent. I enjoyed the story immensely and am looking forward to the next chapter.

  28. CJH permalink
    February 27, 2010 7:30 pm

    P.S. Radiohead in writing is another way to put it. Your exploring some cool archetypal stuff. Caio.

  29. Melissa permalink
    February 27, 2010 9:38 pm

    I find it utterly revolting. I couldn’t leave without saying what ANY normal human being and a member of civilized society should and MUST say. Perverted images of naked men doing absolutely horrid things to a woman – is that what we should be exposed to? Books like that contaminate society with filth and sin!!

  30. Christine permalink
    February 27, 2010 9:45 pm

    Easy tiger! ha ha!! Finally, some uptight people here. I was wondering when some of your kind pay us a visit. Man, it was like to good to be true. Smart peeps, deep surreal replies. And there u go – got a rotten one! Woman, WAKE the hell up! U are what? Let me guess – gettin close to 50 or something? And still yelling “Filth!” at a slight hint of sexual context? I bet u r tired of that one!! U r the one that needs to meet those primitives of yours. They grew so powerful inside you u gonna explode if u don’t slow down!!!

  31. Catherine permalink
    February 27, 2010 10:13 pm

    And I find you utterly revolting, Melissa! Just because your shallow mind can’t comprehend the depth of the story doesn’t mean that you have to come here and spit out your venom. Christine is right – maybe instead of finding faults in others (i.e. the book), you should try to look for the faults within yourself. You are repressed – yes, deeply psychologically and sexually repressed. We live in the 20th century for goodness sake, and you sound like you’ve just emerged from the Middle Ages. All these “horrid” things are taking place in Lola’s head. Head!! She’s fighting herself, her primitive Id. And she’s doing wonderfully. Because after she’s recovered from horrible fantasies, she’s born anew. And you, Melissa, are one of those people that the author is referring to – stuck in the primitive stage all their life long. Simply because they’re incapable of recognizing that they have to grow and thrive. You remind me of an ostrich with her head in the sand. Sorry…

  32. Catherine permalink
    February 27, 2010 10:16 pm

    Oh yes, and as my answer to Helen. My darling, how old are you exactly? Let’s talk in a couple of years when you grow up a bit and have a child of your own? ok?

  33. Eduard permalink
    February 28, 2010 7:04 am

    Great writing. Joseph Campbell comes to mind as well as Mircea Eliade. I just finished “A Natural History Of Love” by Diane Ackerman so your story fits my mood perfectly. It’s has elements of “The Story Of O” but in a Vonnegutesque (is that a word?) manner. Great writing please keep it up. By the way have you read “Music Physician For Times To Come” by Don Campbell? The music aspect in nature is something that is yet to be fully explored by mankind. The other Campbell, Joseph impied that the musicians were the one’s who would bring the new subconcious to society or the “Golden Age” if you prefer. I see that in your writing and throughout your website you link music to this deeper consciousness and I find that very cool. Thanks, CJ

  34. Sal permalink
    February 28, 2010 7:46 pm

    Your short stories are strange to say the least. Although it’s all a bit whacked I kinda like it. I put you on my favorites so I can see where this is going. I guess I kinda see what some of the other posters have written. The meaning of it all that is. Hola, Sal

  35. marion permalink
    February 28, 2010 7:49 pm

    I have thoroughly enjoyed reading your writings thus far. Even my husband liked it which is pretty rare. The darker side of human nature stuff is more appealing to him than myself I think. But he, like others here, is into some of the deeper psychological aspects of human nature. Myself, I just love a good love story.

  36. Zeda permalink
    February 28, 2010 7:55 pm

    An old friend from my literary group in Ashville, N.C. told me to check out your writings and I have become a bit of a fan. I have always been the type of girl who’s turned on by bad boys so it’s a nice twist to explore neurosis’s from what I perceive to be an opposite angle. Jack is altruistic and kind. The book is probably disturbing for some. But I think the underlying principles are at their core very sincere and good. Thank you.

  37. Robert Harman permalink
    February 28, 2010 7:58 pm

    My wife keeps harping on about your story. I gave it a read over and found it very entertaining. It does force one to think a bit and I find that quite enjoyable.

  38. Marjorie permalink
    February 28, 2010 8:02 pm

    Can I get my hour back please! I have no idea what this story is meaning. I’m not sure you do. This story should come with a warning for NORMAL people!!!!!!!!!!

  39. Alicia permalink
    February 28, 2010 9:37 pm

    I can’t believe that such shallow people actually exist… I guess exist would be definitely the right word choice to define their presence on planet Earth. They are existing, they’re not living. I’ve read a few negative comments on this message board, and it proves one more time that this country is going downhill. People, can you not understand metaphors, subconscious messages? If you had time to actually come here and read the story, don’t you have time to fill your brain up with information? How about getting your lazy ass in the car, drive to the bookstore and pick up something a bit more thought-provoking than Danielle Steel? I’m sorry for bringing more negativity here, but it just irks me that people are so freaking shallow these days!!!

  40. Maria333 permalink
    February 28, 2010 10:16 pm

    I thought I’d come back and leave a comment.. See I read the story yesterday… liked it… didn’t have much to say though… not sure why… I’m always kind of indecisive. 🙂 Well, I went to bed last night and dreamt about Lola and Jack, Lola’s fantasies, and most of all, what the author mentioned in the very beginning – about music and movies. I think the author has a very good point there. We are tired of what we’re being fed. The industry consumed the market, and we don’t really know what we like or dislike. We just watch and listen to whatever’s already out there. But why is it out there? Surely not for our sake or the sake of our brainwashed minds. More like for the sake of diamond-mongering people. Most of them don’t even have to be able to sing or act anymore – once you have the moolah, you’re in! Very interesting piece of writing…

  41. Helen permalink
    February 28, 2010 10:24 pm

    Catherine, just so you know – I’m not going to have children. Thanks to my selfish monster of a mother, I don’t have any desire to procreate. I’m a child with the frozen ocean instead of the heart. And I think my age is none of your business. Instead of browsing the net all day long and dreaming about running away, you’d better go take care of your kids!!

  42. Chad permalink
    February 28, 2010 10:29 pm

    Man, I’ll tell ya, the book is somethin… It’s like u r high or somethin.. Some peeps here desribed it so freakin well, I can’t really say it myself, but the book is rockin.. I don’t really read (I mean, at all – ha ha – maybe some websites or somethin), but the story like this one kept me goin… I wanna know what happens next. Thanks man, cool stuff.

  43. Catherine permalink
    February 28, 2010 10:42 pm

    Helen, from now on I’m going to ignore your comments. You’ve become to offensive and besides, I normally don’t hang out or talk to ignorant immature people. Sorry…
    As fas as the BOOK goes (we went too far off topic with this maternal issues discussion). I really liked Maria’s comment. I also believe that today’s society is in urgent need of REAL music and movies. No wonder Jack and Lola are heading down the road to get some new music. Apparently, the author’s trying to say that everything can and must be achieved through a really good melody. You don’t have to get out there for money, fame and what not – you just should be in harmony with yourself. And really good piece of music will purify you and will help you achieve this higher state of consciousness.
    Oh, and by the way – since I’ve been on this discussion board, my desire to run away and leave it all behind has abandoned me. I guess I just wanted to have something else in my life. See, I used to be an editor before I became a full-time mom 🙂

  44. Marci permalink
    February 28, 2010 11:03 pm

    Thank you John Wish! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Your short story here has truly brightened my day. So many small things within it that I can relate to. I stumbled upon your site when I wasn’t intending to do any serious websurfing today and you’ve held me captive for the last couple of hours.

  45. Tina permalink
    March 1, 2010 6:38 pm

    Sweetly strange is how I found your story. It warms the heart if one’s heart is open. If not it confuses the mind. Both are good results. have a beautiful day!

  46. Dustin permalink
    March 1, 2010 6:41 pm

    I’ve enjoyed the story this far and hope you write a lot more. Thank you, Dusty

  47. Tony permalink
    March 1, 2010 9:02 pm

    And what’s the A-Mouse supposed to represent? It looks like I’ve pretty much analysed everything correctly, but still can’t figure out what the heck the A-mouse is? Does anybody here know?
    Apart from the A-Mouse weirdness, I’ve really enjoyed the story. Or the book… will there be a continuation? I’m quite intrigued… would really like to find out what will happen next.
    Lola reminds me of my girlfriend… just as crazy and unpredictable. Actually, I think I’ll let her read this story later on tonight and ask her she thinks. Thanks, quite a cool read!

  48. Katie permalink
    March 1, 2010 9:22 pm

    I just wanted to post my comment to support one of the reader’s – Michelle. I think she posted only once and her comment has been commented on by Catherine. I also think the problem of feminism and a woman’s right to initiate ANYthing and be in control of their actions and emotions are brought up by John Wish. If you have any doubts about that, you should check out the video section of this website. Everything there is about women and their power as seen by men. Women boxing, women playing football – in all of the videos women are portrayed as men. And it’s sexy.

  49. Catherine permalink
    March 1, 2010 9:43 pm

    I still don’t agree with the feministic aspect of things. Yes, the author mentions something about Lola wanting to have sex with Jack but being scared to initiate. But as a response to her initiations, Jack sends her on a psychedelic trip to the savage’s hut. And what does Lola learn there? That whatever was driving her to have sex with Jack was dark and heavy. She had to deal with it and move on. So… what do we have here then? If the author did bring the feminism aspect up here, it was to argue your point… not to prove it.
    I also wanted to mention that I really liked when Jack Wish talks about thirst as means of dealing with insecurities and starting from the clean page. I feel like I’ve always been thirsty lately. Maybe it means that I should start dealing with my “savages”.

  50. Brendan permalink
    March 1, 2010 9:45 pm

    The story’s a total mess. I don’t see any point in it whatsoever, and I don’t understand how some people might actually enjoy it. I guess I’ll also be called a narrow-minded uneducated person by the crazies here, but I honestly don’t care…

  51. Val permalink
    March 2, 2010 4:00 pm

    I like it how the idea of the diamond business (material goods, superficiality, survival above all) is opposed to the concept of higher consciousness (music, confronting your fears and insecurities). Lola – literally, the child of the money worshipping business – appears an insecure, unhappy person. She grew up surrounded by diamond idols, and she resists, she doesn’t want it, she (once again, literally) wants to run away from it all and she runs away. Lola reminds me of a really good friend of mine. She tried to escape it all, but eventually couldn’t. She caved in and got back to her World of Money!!

  52. Dylan permalink
    March 2, 2010 4:11 pm

    Yes, my friend, you are absolutely right. I am going to call you a narrow-minded person. Even more so – since you seem to show some signs of intelligence by actually registering the fact that you’re different from everybody else here. However, the fact that you are referring to everybody here as “crazies” isn’t doing you any favors… It’s always like that with ignorant people – by offending the ones that happen to have a different point of view and by screaming louder, they actually expect to prove something. Interesting…

  53. Helen permalink
    March 2, 2010 4:16 pm

    Catherine, why do you think you have the right to call me names? You’re ignorant and immature. And you’re a bad mother!! Just like mine, and just like the kind that the author is talking about – the ones who never sing lullabies to their babies.

  54. Christine permalink
    March 2, 2010 4:21 pm

    Helen-love, why don’t you chill out? C’mon, get out of the house, get some fresh air. It’s rainin in Georgia today… not sure if it’s rainin where u r at, but you damn sure need some fresh rain water to cool your aura. U r hammerin poor Catherine for nothin. She’s a cool chic, hanging out with us here, leaving cool comments and stuff. And u r just venting. Do we really need to hear all that? I’d say 100% off-topic!!

  55. Sasha permalink
    March 2, 2010 4:33 pm

    The discussion Lola and Jack are having about sports as a form of aggression made me think about my boyfriend. He plays football, and sometimes I think his aggression’s too much. He wants it all, and he always wants to win – everybody else is a loser. Sometimes I imagine that he didn’t get whatever he was trying to get and I imagine his pissed off face, and it makes me laugh. I’d love to see him like that one day. A loser himself. I wonder…am I in the love-hate relationship?

  56. Jay permalink
    March 2, 2010 10:32 pm

    Compelling writing. It’s a very obscure storyline. I have enjoyed reading it this afternoon tremendously. I await your next chapter.

  57. manley permalink
    March 2, 2010 10:36 pm

    To the ladies that have been going back and forth in this thread you may both be missing the larger point. The story seems to be one in which love is alll that matters. You both need to find it in yourselves to forgive each other. It’s a paradox for you to argue with each other while discussing this particular story, don’t ya think?

  58. Tracey permalink
    March 2, 2010 10:38 pm

    I’m lost. What’s the A-mouse and who’s the guy with the cigar and where the hell is this going? And what music are you talking about?

  59. March 2, 2010 10:45 pm

    I’ve read a little of the story and thus far have found it very intriguing. It seems to require a bit of a study in psychology but it transports one to another place. Another planet maybe. The whole transformation thing I am familiar with having read Kafka’s “Metamorphosis” and being a fan of Ovid as well. The story is is entertaining and uplifting. May I use a it as an example in my creative writing class? I haven’t noticed you replying directly to these comments. you can contact me through email if you don’t mind. Thank you.

  60. Catherine permalink
    March 4, 2010 2:37 am

    Evening everyone! Missed one day of our discussions yesterday – got busy with the kids. I guess I’m not such a bad mother after all! Christine, thank you very much for standing up for me. That’s the downside of the virtual communication – you never know who you’re getting into conversations with after all. 🙂
    Manley, I’m actually taking a higher ground here and withdrawing from this argument all together.
    I’d like to agree with the comment posted by Z – about “Metamorphosis”. The story does remind me of Kafka’s masterpiece. Lola experiences a metamorphosis of her own kind – but a bit more optimistic and promising than that of Kafka’s hero. She is seeing beautiful butterflies and majestic landscapes of the Dominican Republic – instead of turning into an ugly bug herself. The story does have the same outer-worldly vibe to it though.

  61. Amanda C. permalink
    March 4, 2010 2:50 am

    I’m actually a bit lost as well. But at the same time there’s something about this story that makes me want to read on. I mean, people who’re complaining about obscurity of it all – don’t you feel intrigued? Just a little bit? I wouldn’t call myself an expert on literature and I don’t even know the sources most of the people on this thread are referring to – sorry..- but I’d like to know what happens next!

  62. Gorgeous Macy permalink
    March 4, 2010 2:56 am

    Oh I just adore the story!!! And I absolutely love love love this thread!! So much passion here, so many different points of view!! People’s opinions are clashing, and this controversy is wonderful! I can see this story being just as wonderfully controversial in the future. Bravo!

  63. CharlieNY permalink
    March 4, 2010 3:00 am

    Why’s everyone so negative about sports here? I think wanting to compete and win is cool. We don’t want to live in the country of losers.

  64. NinaR permalink
    March 4, 2010 3:07 am

    Jack reminds me of the love of my life… who’s unfortunately not with me anymore. He’s with his wife and children. But I don’t regret a single moment, because I had the magic. Just like Lola, I traveled without actually changing the physical location, I experienced the burning sensations of forbidden love. It was great. Nobody could understand. But why would you want anybody to understand? Is it any of their business? I don’t think so.. Can’t wait for the continuation, by the way..

  65. Jack also. permalink
    March 4, 2010 3:12 am

    Congrats on a very interesting story. I am following it closely and hope to read much more from you in the future.

  66. madeline permalink
    March 4, 2010 3:15 am

    Yesterday I found myself all caught up in the “music”. Your story seems to speak to a part of me that I haven’t been in touch with for a while. I found myself transported to a dreamy ocean far away. I’m left to wonder is it all supposed to be fantasy or is there a reality to it that I don’t understand. Either way i’m intrigued. Bless you.

  67. Zander permalink
    March 4, 2010 3:16 am

    I like the cigar guy. Reminds me of Bill Clinton!

  68. Jessica leach permalink
    March 4, 2010 3:21 am

    Zander please take your politics elsewhere. The story is obviously written for people who are in touch with a different level of consciousness. Politics is always so base and primitive. There is rarely any good derived directly from political debate as people are always incredibly entrenched in their mindsets. Jack is helping her to escape and you should escape too. From yourself for a while.

  69. JoJo permalink
    March 4, 2010 3:24 am

    I read a bit of this story and liked it. It has a nice message to it i think even though it’s a little strange. There are obviously some lessons to learn in it. I also have had a guy beat up on me and let me tell you it takes a while to get past it afterwards. Your mind is heavily affected by it when you love them and they hurt you. Take it from me ladies move on with your life if your guy does hit you once because he will always do it again.

  70. Anonymous permalink
    March 4, 2010 5:30 pm

    I too agree with the football analogy. I’ve always found it funny that all the players are called things like “tight ends”, “full backs” and “wide receivers”. There’s definently some homosexual undertones to that agressive warlike sport. Then there’s all that ass spanking. What’s the deal with that? I’m actually pro gay rights myself but I have always found it funny that football players act so masculine yet they play a sport that has undertones of war combined with repressed sexuality.

  71. Jake permalink
    March 4, 2010 5:31 pm

    Give me a break on the footbal B.S. It’s a sport man get over it. It’s better than kicking a soccer ball up and down a field which is probably what your into. Grow some dude.

  72. Anon permalink
    March 4, 2010 5:36 pm

    jake, come on yourself dude! Pay attention to what really goes on in the sport. they fight for territory(yards). They throw “bombs”. They make “touch downs”. It does have war undertones and the paradox is they have strangely gay sounding positions for the players. I see this as a repressed kind of angry homosexual leaning. If they were’nt such primitives they could embrace their sexuality instead of embracing war as a sport.

  73. Mira permalink
    March 4, 2010 5:40 pm

    I would tend to agree with Anonymous over yourself jake. I think that in the modern day we see the spill over of war as sport in our nightly news. The way “shock and awe” was used in Iraq to make the war seem like an event. Newscasters discussing strategy like it’s play by play commentary. They bring on expert analyst (former generals) to tell the crowds what to expect and propagandize. It’s quite sad really that this is now the norm in the US. Everything is a commodity to be bought and sold and entertainment to be consumed. Even killing. Mira out. Now flame away at me. 🙂

  74. yusef permalink
    March 4, 2010 5:42 pm

    I liked your story very much. I also enjoy many of the comments. People have a wide amount of opinions and that is the way the world should be. I am from the Middle east and I believe in peace and change. Your story is enlightening in many ways. Thank you.

  75. Catherine permalink
    March 4, 2010 11:03 pm

    Wow – an eventful day today in our thread!! Seems like we’re getting more and more people daily. That’s wonderful!
    And I just love the debate about football. Repressed homosexuality? You know, being from the States myself, it never occurred to me – but it actually does seem to make so much sense!! And Jake – what’s the aggression about soccer about? Excuse my double “about” maneuver – but it sounds pretty cool. Does masculinity mean wearing heavy pads and acting like you’re tough? Did you know that playing soccer is much more traumatic than playing football (or American football – this is how Europeans referring to this sport – and it also makes sense, doesnt’t it? They’re playing with their feet, while we are… why FOOTball?)? And since when using the brain in sports became dorky all of a sudden?

  76. Jonny66 permalink
    March 4, 2010 11:10 pm

    Somebody here said that we’ve got to stay away from politics. But why would we want to do that? And even if we did, is it possible to stay away from politics? Especially when discussing a book like that! I can totally imagine readers splitting up into two distinct groups – liberals (who absolutely love it and keep analyzing it and finding new magic details in the contents) and conservatives (who absolutely and utterly hate it – mostly because they can’t understand what the deal is). I find it amusing – this country definitely consists of two different camps these days. Amusing and sad..

  77. ScottG permalink
    March 4, 2010 11:13 pm

    The story is an absolute nonsense. And I don’t consider myself a conservative thinker. God, I’m so tired of the people who think they know it all!!!

  78. BobbyI permalink
    March 4, 2010 11:42 pm

    I’d agree with the last post. Why does everybody need to be black or white? Aren’t there any middle-ground gray areas left? Maybe I don’t want to be considered a liberal or a conservative? Maybe I’m 50/50 on this book? I a kind of like some aspects of it, and dislike or can’t relate to others. Which camp will you throw me into then?

  79. Dylan permalink
    March 4, 2010 11:56 pm

    My dear friend Scott! You must be tired of the people who know it all, because you apparently don’t know anything. yes, you are a conservative if you don’t understand or like this story. Any open-minded person would be raving about it! Even the fact that you can say things like – “the story is an absolute nonsense” – is already a sign of an obnoxious messed-up right-wing mindset.
    BobbyI – you are one of those rare homo sapiens species still left out there that are trying to make peace with everyone and find the golden mean. It’s very noble, but a bit late.. We’re surrounded by so many diamond-mongering empty people whose minds and souls have been attacked by the savages (who, unfortunately, are still in charge of their actions), that you can’t just stay cool and neutral. Sooner or later, you’ll have to choose. Have you seen the flick “Head in the Clouds”? If not, I think you should definitely check it out.
    Good luck!

  80. Lolita permalink
    March 5, 2010 9:25 pm

    I’ve enjoyed the story. Quite an interesting read, gives one a lot to think about. I like it how the author explores different issues that are taking place nowadays in the world and in this country in particular. You can tell, the guy’s got a real writing talent. There’re so many empty meaningless books out there these days. This one is a pleasant surprise. 🙂

  81. ScottG permalink
    March 5, 2010 9:27 pm

    You represent exactly the type of people that frustrate me so much, Dylan! You think you know it all, you make fun and everything and everyone, but in reality you’re just a bunch of arrogant bastards!!

  82. TerraM1 permalink
    March 5, 2010 9:36 pm

    Lola’s father totally reminds me of my Dad. Control freak. Money’s everything for him. He doesn’t really care about his family. What he cares about is how much money he can make and how many people he can rip off. A great representation of our great capitalist society. In their pursuit of the cloudless future with shit loads of money they forget about the most important thing – love. Love is all we need, right? Not money. We need money to survive, but some people would just not survive without a constant everyday hunt for money. They’re like vampires feeding off the blood of mortals. Parasites. They disgust me.

  83. Christine permalink
    March 5, 2010 9:38 pm

    Love is all we need – that’s what I’m talkin about. What’s money? Just something people made up to rip other less fortunate ones off.

  84. Catherine permalink
    March 5, 2010 9:49 pm

    Well, I wouldn’t be that negative about money. Love is all we need – that’s true. But it’s a very idealistic truth, utopia, if you like. Imagine you wouldn’t have any money at all. Nothing. You’d be living in a shack, eating goodness knows what (or maybe not eating at all?), not even talking about traveling somewhere, or going out or having other sorts of fun. But you would have love. You would kill this love in 2 weeks at most I can guarantee you. Now, we’re not talking about back-in-the-good-old-days time when there was no money whatsoever. Soviet Union has tried to implement that one, and we’re all aware of the outcome. So… people, let’s just stick to the golden mean (I saw this expression here in somebody’s post, and I really liked it – so forgive me for using it again…) – we shouldn’t be focusing all our lives on money… but at the same time you can’t have a nice life without money either.

  85. tabitha clark permalink
    March 6, 2010 6:06 am

    The book takes one on a warm and fuzzy journey and I love it! Please hurry with the next installment.

  86. shirleys sister permalink
    March 6, 2010 6:09 am

    Take whatever one wants from this story and you’ll at least have learned something folks. There’s been quite a debate going on in this column. I’ve found it as intriguing as the story itself. All kinds of characters come out of the woodwork. Many with very good opinions.

  87. Max permalink
    March 6, 2010 6:11 am

    The writer has a good knack for taking you away. I like his style. Very stream of consciousness. I get a bit tired of static outlines in novels these days. This book seems ambiguious and that’s great. Cheers.

  88. Stacy permalink
    March 6, 2010 9:56 pm

    It’s a totally mind-spinning amazing trip that this story takes the readers on! I’m very surprised that books like that exist. I mean everything now is just so typically dull. It’s either a romantic novel, or a bloody sci-fi with vampires and cheesy love scenes, or a time-traveling/treasure hunting/riddle-guessing/Masonic related journey (the last ones are not that bad, by the way IMHO). This story doesn’t fit in any of the modern categories – it’s obscure, it’s ambiguous, it’s AMAZING!!!

  89. EmmaJamma permalink
    March 6, 2010 10:03 pm

    I find it real cool how Lola just ran away! Without looking back, without questioning anything. Can you guys imagine how many people are dreaming – every day – about just saying – screw all that!! – and go somewhere else and leave all the problems behind? It’s weird how – when Lola does it – it right away sends your mind on a subconscious non-realistic path! Like – she can’t do that, can she? There must be something strange in the plot – something sci-fi – if it was a real-life story, she’d never do that!!

  90. Robert from NC permalink
    March 6, 2010 10:08 pm

    I’m joining the camp of normal people here. It looks like there’re not many sane people left in this country. At least judging from this thread..

  91. Dylan permalink
    March 6, 2010 10:18 pm

    It’s very interesting that Robert from NC happened to bring up the topic of sanity. Has it ever occurred to you, my realist friends, that there is a very slim borderline between sanity and genius? What some people might consider crazy or insane, if you may – others would applaud for its genius. Which brings us to this – we think that crazy people are crazy just because they’re different from us. There are more of us than them and therefore we’re “normal” and they’re “insane”. If there were more of them than us, then we would be crazy. Interesting.I hope that more stories like that emerge and help cure this crazy (in every possible sense of this ambiguous word) world.

  92. MargoRus permalink
    March 6, 2010 10:35 pm

    I think the story is splendid. It reminds me of my favourite book -“Master and Margarita” by Mikhail Bulgakhov. I’m Russian – have been living in the US for a while, but originally from Russia. In my country Bulgakhov is thought of as a creator of THE surreal masterpiece of all times :). You either hate this book, or you just love it. I happen to belong to the second group. This discussion about sanity and genius made me remember my favourite book again. The Master in the book is a writer who is crazy – he’s in an asylum, actually – but he’s great, the greatest writer of the time. It’s autobiographical, by the way.
    I really liked this story. Very surreal.

  93. stevie permalink
    March 7, 2010 5:22 am

    The music aspect intrigues me. This new technology you talk about. I too have found that the emotions in music that are put forth by the performer are the thing that help us all stay universally connected. A collective consciousness as Lennon used to say. Only truly heartful singers can convey the proper emotion. Elvis, Lennon, Roger waters, Peter Gabriel, Enya, Sara McLaughlin, Elton John these are the greats.

  94. stevie permalink
    March 7, 2010 5:25 am

    Or is the new technology the argument between analog recording and the digital realm? Digittal is incredibly accurate bits and o’s but it lacks human warmth unless it’s processed artificiallly through simulators whereas analog is more difficult to apply but it has an electric human warmth to it that digital lacks. All those transistors, capacitors, and tubes going onto tape is what gives those 70’s records such warmth.

  95. Robert from NC permalink
    March 7, 2010 9:22 pm

    Yeah, right. A bunch of geniouses here!! ha ha!! At least that’s what you want to believe. You think that you can write your long boring comments here, throw some smart words here and there – and everybody will be like – yeah, man, you’re cool and smart. Well, get that – you’re not a genious. and nobody here, who likes this book, is. You are just kidding yourselves. Geniouses..

    • Catherine permalink
      March 7, 2010 9:36 pm

      I’m sure Dylan will address this once he gets here, but so far I’d like to respond as well. If you don’t mind.
      For one, please check the spelling of a word “genius”. That’s a nice piece of advice for you from a crazy person.
      Secondly, please, if you don’t like the story, just go away. Don’t get mad if you can’t comprehend something – just try to understand it, to work it out. If you can’t – it doesn’t mean that the subject is shit (excuse my French) – it probably means that your brain isn’t developed enough to process the information. Which is not the end of the world – you can correct this situation by reading up on the subject a little bit, maybe watching some intelligent deep movies. Instead you just call everybody else names and vent. That’s not a good idea. Anyways, if you keep on doing it here, you’re not welcome in this thread. Really…

  96. Christine permalink
    March 7, 2010 9:39 pm

    Oh man, Catherine’s bein too nice! What she meant to say was – it doesn mean that the subject is shit, what it means is that your brain is shit! I’m not scared to say that. What the hell r u thinkin? U can come here, and create this big old mess, and mess with everyone. Man, I just so love this thread, don’t want to see idiots here.

  97. MollieSunny permalink
    March 7, 2010 9:53 pm

    I’d like to meet a guy like Jack one day. Sensual, but reasonable, focused on more than football and hunting. That would be so cool. I feel like sometimes girls are looking for wrong things in guys. They want a macho, and then get upset when the macho gets what he wants and dumps them. Well, isn’t that what you were looking for? I like intelligent guys, with cool ideas. Like this idea of Jack’s – about music and movies. It’s awesome!! I want new kind of music and movies – I’m tired of MTV!

  98. harman permalink
    March 8, 2010 7:17 am

    Great music and great writing! Keep it up!

  99. yassir permalink
    March 8, 2010 7:18 am

    I find your story very interesting and clever. I like the way it flows from one thing to the next. I await more of your book. Thank you.

  100. rebecca day permalink
    March 8, 2010 7:20 am

    Jack is an altruistic character I beleive and altruism is where it’s at! In the long run love always wins!

  101. rebecca day permalink
    March 8, 2010 7:22 am

    Robert from NC please realize that there are many different people in the world and many different opinions. We are not all the same and that’s what makes life fun! Now go get some fresh air.

  102. anonymous permalink
    March 8, 2010 7:23 am

    Your book is freaky dude. Maybe you should try music instead.

  103. marco palente permalink
    March 8, 2010 8:00 pm

    I find the sexual aspects to the story very intriguing. It is good dirty sex and the girl doesn’t hold back. She knows what she wants yet she doesn’t feel shame like so many insecure women I met in the past. Especially in america. American women can be so ridiculous. This girl is learning from Jack and that’s the way it should be.

  104. jennifer permalink
    March 8, 2010 8:03 pm

    Come on Marco grow up. Times have changed. we don’t all chase after the male stereotype like women were used to under the subserviant church. Grow some balls. No wonder good looking women like myself stay away from insecure fuckers like you represent and go for hot girls instead. I hope that makes you incredibly jealous and I’m sure it will as you are obviously a guy with a little dick.

  105. danielle permalink
    March 8, 2010 8:08 pm

    Way to go Jennifer! Way to let him have it. I get so tired of chauvanistic assholes spouting their bullshit. The perfect relationship for me is one with great sex, true emotional attachment, humor,and a touch of the dreamworld. Is that too much to ask? Jack is offering that. The book takes you there to that place. Pricks like Marco will never understand that because they are too busy wanking on the internet.

  106. Catherine permalink
    March 8, 2010 8:12 pm

    It’s so nice to see the girls ganging up in this thread. Like all real women I enjoy good dirty sex as laid out in the story. Even with a brute from time to time. (as long as he’s attractive:) I am sick and tired of repressed people saying their piece on the internet. Go to church you boring bastards and leave the rest of us alone! The reason your miserable is because no one would fuck you anyway. Not because your ugly outside but inside! Repressed idiots.

  107. Owen permalink
    March 8, 2010 8:14 pm

    damn girls chill out. We are not all that bad:) Myself I enjoy a good romp with a group of lesbians as much as the next guy! ha! Maybe we should all get together and party. Not all of us guys are that bad!

  108. Abigail permalink
    March 9, 2010 12:49 am

    Oh Good Heavens! So much sin here, so much sin. All of you are going to burn in hell! ALL OF YOU!!!! Jesus is the answer – Jesus is what all of you need. Filth! I’m disgusted. And this woman, the one that wants to run away from her kids – Catherine. You want to run away from home? leave your family? Come on then! It’s become really fashionable, to run away these days. But look where everybody who runs away ends up – in the hands of a crazy lesbian woman, for example! You, Catherine, are probably just as insane as this Megan Sainsbury from Saratoga. The one that raped this poor little schoolgirl. The teacher behaving like that. How awful is that! Where are we going? Where is this country going? Stop this sin now – or you will all burn in hell, I’m telling you!!! Jesus loves you – he sacrificed his life for you!!!!!

  109. Catherine permalink
    March 9, 2010 1:03 am

    Oh God, please no! Christian Coalition on the roll in our thread!! And, lady, are you talking about my comments? It sounds like it!! It seems like you don’t dream about anything and don’t have any secret desires. Or do you? Maybe you’re just too afraid to admit it. Watch out – your savages might eat you up from inside. And then you’ll have nothing left of you. And I don’t understand what does Megan Sainsbury’s case have to do with the book? You must be crazy, Abigail (not genius, crazy :)) – you’re jumping from one subject to another without any apparent reason. And she wasn’t a LITTLE schoolgirl – she’s 17, and she wasn’t raped at all. I don’t even know where in the world do you get your information? At 17 some girls could teach you some tricks, I can guarantee you that, Abigail. Wow – now we are getting some crazies. And yes – please, for the record, no Jesus talks, I happen to be agnostic.

  110. PeggyM permalink
    March 9, 2010 1:09 am

    Oh my child, Catherine! There is no such a secret that will always stay a secret. Sooner or later, people will find out about it. They will find out about everything!! The secret desires of Lola are real desires. If only we could eavesdrop on her secret thoughts, we would hear the same crazy words as that pervert – Michael Duvall. What a dirty man!! How could he even talk about women like that? He’s married, with two children! Revolting. People who think about such filth disgust me!!

  111. Christine permalink
    March 9, 2010 1:12 am

    Talk about women like what? Man, r u nuts? They were in that thing together, and ain’t nothin bad about bein dirty from time to time. You should try it some day. Maybe that’s what you, Jesus followers, need – some good screwing. Ha ha!!

  112. Greg permalink
    March 9, 2010 1:14 am

    And I really liked that lesbo discussion that you had there, girlies. That’s what I’m talkin about!! Bring it on!!! 😉

  113. Katie permalink
    March 9, 2010 6:48 pm

    I agree – all secrets become “not secrets anymore” sooner or later. So whatever Lola dreams about or even secretly does – like getting up to crazy dirty sex with Jack and telling him about her father’s diamond business – it will sooner or later come up on the surface. You watch! Like look – take even Tiger Woods! Who would think that about him – and he totally turned out to be a chronic cheater and womanizer. He thought he could hide it – just because he’s a big celebrity. Look at him now! No, you can’t hide anything – even your dirty thoughts!

  114. Nick permalink
    March 9, 2010 6:52 pm

    Holy shit – how much paranoia in here!! Especially in the last post. Katie-love, just go get some good dick or something. Sounds like that’s the only thing that can purify you and help you get rid of your dirty thoughts. I feel like I’m in the dark Middle Ages or something.

  115. Laura permalink
    March 9, 2010 7:05 pm

    Listen, that Tiger Woods story completely threw me off. I mean – he’s a cheating mofo, right? And what would any normal self-respecting woman do in this situation? Run away far into the horizon – just like Lola did 🙂 – and never come back. Well, maybe take the children:) – of course, take the children with you to make the bastard suffer even more. And what did Elin do? She’s moving back with him!!! Moving back!! After everything he’s done to her and their family! The woman doesn’t have a spine. And whatever some Italian dude was saying here about American women being insecure? Look at Erin! I don’t know a single American woman who would forgive and forget THAT!

    • Carlos Spicey Weiner permalink
      April 5, 2010 3:05 am

      Erin loved that black stick along with the rest of em. They don’t call him Tiger woods for nothing. ROOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!The man was probably driving with a9 iron at least. More than most of you fickle bitches in these threads can handle. I like his style. He needs to start his own fucking porn company and quit trying to kiss that old white ass. there’s more money in porn I bet especially if your the worlds most famous golfer.

  116. Catherine permalink
    March 9, 2010 7:10 pm

    Laura, honey – you probably are not married and don’t have kids, right? Even though I was the one who was rambling on here about running away and leaving everything behind – I would never do that! This story gives me an inspiration – Lola’s actions are fueling my secret fantasies – but that’s about it! I could never do that, because once you have children, everything changes. For the children and being able to provide them with the happy childhood and full family – you can forgive and forget a lot of things, believe me.

  117. Pierce permalink
    March 9, 2010 7:21 pm

    Yeah, right, you don’t know any American women who would forget THAT! mmm, let me think – and what about the wives of all of those politicians who have been caught red-handed, and their devoted second halves were standing right next to them and nodding obediently at press conferences? Like David Vitter’s wife, and what’s that restroom gay story gay’s name – Larry Craig. That’s it! What about them? Did they forget? No! Why? Because they didn’t want to change their lifestyle, they wanted that moolah keep flowing. Lola is pretty cool. She’s not scared to exchange a pretty nice lifestyle with a rich mofo of her father for something nicer – pure consciousness and good dirty sex. 🙂

  118. Solange permalink
    March 9, 2010 10:21 pm

    Speaking of political scandals (normally, Republicans, by the way) and savage beasts eating up people from inside. Right-wingers contest to be so pure, incapable of any dirty thought. And then one day – voila! – they appear to be either gay, or just cheating on their wives, or even pedophile gay – like Mark Foley. I mean, come on!! it’s better to confront your savages and let them go – just like Lola did (with the help from Jack, of course) as opposed to ignoring them and by that nurturing them, letting them grow and turn into something absolutely horrifying and corrupt.

    • Carlos Spicey Weiner permalink
      April 5, 2010 3:09 am

      Ya got that right tho. The gayest ones hide in the Republican party. i callem the Repubelickers. Thats why they are always so pious acting and so many pedophiles in the church. Fucking hypocrites. It’s like that movie “There will be blood”. The preacher was a scam artist like they all are. if there was a fucking god he would want you doing not praying or taking money from the weak and downtrodden. Fuck religion.

  119. Frank permalink
    March 9, 2010 10:26 pm

    Shit, I feel bad for the Italian guy, Marco – look at all the girlies ganging up against him! that proves the point one more time – you’re all uptight. that’s why the truth is pissing all of you off!! ha ha !
    😉 I like chicks like Lola – haven’t met many of them in the States though!

  120. Tara permalink
    March 9, 2010 10:47 pm

    I would also like to agree with Catherine regarding what one capable of forgiving once you have children. Once you have a baby, it totally rocks your world. You might seem the same on the surface, but in reality – oh gosh, in reality you’re a completely different person. When giving birth to your child, you gave birth to your new self. The center of the universe has shifted, and it’s not on your lovely self anymore. It’s an amazing feeling, and you, Laura, will not comprehend it until you have the child of your own. John Wish talks about it in the first part – about the magic connection between the mother and the child already in the womb, about the mother singing to her yet unborn child. You can’t compare this feeling to anything. For this creature’s happiness, you can forgive anything.

  121. Mishana permalink
    March 9, 2010 10:52 pm

    Sisters, Tiger’s a lying cheating mofo! What’s that got to do with kids. Hell, I love my kids, but I ain’t gonna forgive the bastard. Erin ain’t too bright for moving back with him.

  122. Andy permalink
    March 9, 2010 11:32 pm

    Apparently, all mothers are different – it’s quite obvious from the last two posts. I think what it mostly comes down to is whether a person is a parental figure at all – doesn’t matter, a mother or a father, doesn’t even matter if you were the one that gave birth to the child. Look at Lola’s father – jackass! The only thing he worries about is whether she told Jack about his diamond business. And listen – I just watched this new video about Michael Jackson, the one where his bodyguards are talking about him. It appears that he was a perfect father, he was just like us – bla bla bla! Well, no shit! That’s when he’s dead, we can hear all that. When he was alive, he was a Wacko Jacko!

  123. Abigail permalink
    March 10, 2010 5:42 pm

    Look where people like you end up! Corey Haim – that popular teenage boy from the 80’s movies – found dead! Just 38 and dead. Drugs!! Substance abuse. This is where all of you are heading to. That’s what’s happening in the book with Lola, she’s drugged up. How else can she travel to Dominican Republic, and see all the evil spirits? Drugs! Don’t you all see that? There’re a lot of them out there. This girl – Brittany Murphy. Also drugs. All this comes from bad influence: bad filthy books, disgusting movies, liberal propaganda!!

  124. Dylan permalink
    March 10, 2010 5:47 pm

    Lola is NOT on drugs. Her mind is traveling thanks to the new music that Jack is talking about. New technology. The one that takes you to different places without the change of the actual physical location. Actually, some people are capable of traveling like that in their dreams. But only highly evolved people. You don’t strike me as particularly highly evolved, Abigail. :)More like brainwashed by the right-wing propaganda. 🙂 let me guess – glued to your TV screen every night watching Fox News?

  125. Jamie permalink
    March 10, 2010 5:52 pm

    What’s the deal with hammering of American women? I’ve always thought we’re the least uptight and the most open-minded. Am I wrong? Everybody here’s talking about Elin Nordegren. Well, she’s Swedish – not very secure, is she? her hubby’s been sleeping around since I don’t know when, and she’s still moving back with him. So don’t give me that Euro women are cooler crap! And Lola is an American girl, isn’t she? Very cool and free! So there!

  126. Catherine permalink
    March 10, 2010 6:02 pm

    Calm down already, goodness! Poor Marco. I feel bad for the guy. He didn’t mean to offend anybody. There’s actually some truth to what he said, I think. I’ve met a lot of American women, who are extremely uptight. I might have even written something like that in the previous post – I just feel so bad for Marco. 😦 As to Brittany Murphy’s death, she wasn’t drugged up, I don’t think.. She was very insecure, especially about her weight. She was malnourished, plus the presciption drugs and a flue virus did her in. She pretty much died of insecurity. Her savages consumed her. That’s what we were talking about in the beginning of the thread. How important it is to confront your demons, and to win that battle with them. You will emerge free, secure and happy. Just like Lola did after the savages encounter.

  127. Sunny permalink
    March 10, 2010 6:06 pm

    I so much enjoyed this book, that I have missed half of the Oscar ceremony on Sunday! Can you imagine? I never miss Academy Awards, but the story was so intriguing!! I can’t wait till the next chapters come out. 🙂 Thank you for the wonderful creation. 🙂

  128. astan permalink
    March 11, 2010 3:52 am

    Many of the comments here are devolving into an episode of the Glenn Beck show. Just plain crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!

  129. Mary permalink
    March 11, 2010 3:55 am

    The madness that occupies the Mainstream media is taking over this thread I think. The story is about love in the end I think. Not about Glenn Beck or Corey Haim overdosing.

  130. Patton permalink
    March 11, 2010 3:57 am

    Mary, forgive me for not agreeing with you but life is life here in this thread and in the news. Glenn baeck is an idiot granted but he’s a part of the world and therefore his dumb ass can be in this thread. Corey haim was foolish and died doing drugs like a lot of young hollywood actors. Let them be. Even here.

  131. Patton permalink
    March 11, 2010 4:26 am

    Having said all that I find Lola’s situation one that is forgivable. she is just hoping for a better life and jack represents something new, good, and exciting I believe.

    • manley permalink
      March 23, 2010 3:46 am

      I like your thinking Patton. this book i found very intriguibg. There is more than meets the eye going on. many people only see on the surface of things. I hope that some of the people who don’t like the story will give it time.

  132. janet day permalink
    March 11, 2010 4:29 am

    The wives of senator joke Larry Craig and David Vitter do make me wonder. Why stay with cheating lying gay guys? Is the money really worth it. My god wake up ladies. At least Lola has the courage to move on.

  133. Bridget permalink
    March 11, 2010 9:29 pm

    I admire Lola’s freedom. I mean, when she sees the opportunity to be free, she just goes with it. I think we need some freedom injection in this country. Just read this article about Constance McMillen – the lesbian girl from Mississippi. I was shocked!! At first they don’t let her take her girlfriend to the prom, and after the school board gets their asses kicked by American Civil Liberties Union, they cancel the prom all together. And now all the kids in that little town hate her guts. It’s ridiculous. We’re supposed to live the free country (the best in the world, right?) – aha, more like, repressed country. If more people read books like this one, maybe their minds and decisions could be altered a little bit.

  134. Christine permalink
    March 11, 2010 9:34 pm

    At least she’s got a cool dad, man! Constance, I mean. He told her to stand up for who she is and show up at school. That’s what I’m talkin about! Show those right-wing mothers which freaking century we live in. Freakin dinosaurs! Lola’s not that lucky. Her dad’s a prick! just like one of those 4000 pricks of that freakin village in Mississippi. All about money, have so much freakin money, man, they think they can tell everybody elsee what to do. Morons. I freakin hate them!

  135. Gabby permalink
    March 11, 2010 9:54 pm

    The story is simply wonderful… Makes me think about beautiful things in this world. I don’t even know why people here discuss the second-rated media news. The whole idea of the story is that we should focus on the artistic side of life, on new music, new movies and images, new ideas. Don’t let yourself get involved on all this media BS. That’s degradation, that brings you down to the level of, for instance, Abigail.. The love scene in the first part is a beautiful sensual mix of physical feelings and mental journey. It sends you on a trip. I love it. I remember having sex like that – it was long time ago. But I still remember. The story brought the good memories back.

  136. Guerry permalink
    March 11, 2010 10:02 pm

    Americans are obsessed with money. The author depicts it well by creating the image of Lola’s father. money has consumed him – he worries more about money, than his own daughter. In fact, Americans are so obsessed with money, they started losing money. According to the new Forbes Report, the Mexican guy – Carlos Slim Helu – is the riches man in the world now. I’m telling you – we got so greedy, it’s actually hurting us now. This country is going downhill. We need some new technology for real – otherwise we might become an extinct species…

  137. Abigail permalink
    March 11, 2010 10:15 pm

    Those lesbians.. They did the right thing. That school. That’s what they were supposed to do. Southern States are they only ones that introduce some sort of discipline. She wanted to wear a tuxedo!! Imagine that! Her parents are just as crazy!! That’s their fault that she’s like that. And all of the people that like this crazy story here, and the author of this story – everybody here’s a sinner! You will burn in hell!!

  138. Simone permalink
    March 12, 2010 7:11 am

    You crazy Americans will you ever learn?! Politics and religion are things to be avoided. In this thread you guys go from lesbians to toe tapping Larry Craig to burning in hell! wow. What a sick society.

    • Desmond permalink
      March 24, 2010 3:48 pm

      That’s what America was built on! Hypocrisy. The puritans wiped out the Indians and then the English fought the Spanish and french for it. Then the “founding fathers”, i.e. dope smoking freedom loving descendents of the british, fought ole King George for it. Now we have Tea Baggers claiming they want freedom after they fucked it up! Really they are just a bunch of racists. Hell if they had their way slavery would still be in vogue.

    • Carlos Spicey Weiner permalink
      April 5, 2010 3:13 am

      Better than you fucking french with your cheese simone! I bet your crotch tastes cheesy too what with all the sitting around bitching. One thing about us “Americans” we like to get it on. Now drop and give me twenty.

  139. matty permalink
    March 12, 2010 7:13 am

    The story you have written here is quite surreal and very refreshing. It is interesting seeing where it’s gonna go. It dwfinently takes one to that magic place where the cold heart of the ocean exists.

  140. keith altman permalink
    March 12, 2010 7:18 am

    Isaac Asimov, Jules Verne, H.G. Wells, Kafka, Voltaire, Cervantes, Huxley all come to mind when reading this story. There are many cool elements to what you’ve written here. The scene is something right out of “contact” the movie. I wonder if it’s real or imaginary and thats what I like about it. Carry on with the great work.

  141. devon permalink
    March 12, 2010 7:22 am

    Abigail could you take it somewhere else please! No one wants to see your pious crap. All religious people are such hypocrites. hell the popes own brother just this week admitted to hitting boys when he was a younger priest. There is always a scandal in the church. Jesus Christ himself wouldn’t have anything to do with that fucked up flock. Yourself included.

    • Desmond permalink
      March 24, 2010 3:50 pm

      Yes abigail please do us a favor and get lost. I’m pretty sure christ would have nothing to do with you. He liked real women like Mary Magdelene not hypocrites like you.

  142. Manley permalink
    March 12, 2010 7:26 am

    The diamond trade you mention is a roough one for many people in my country of south africa. Many make only a few dollars a day and some have been beaten for stealing when they didn’t even steal anything. I have friends who have told me this. It is sad that in the world only a few at the top get rich while many suffer for the rich few. I would love to see one world united as wished for by Nelson Mandela. I like your story it is also about love I think.

  143. John31 permalink
    March 12, 2010 9:40 pm

    Lola’s Dad and all these nutjobs here (I mean, like Abigail, for example) will probably need much more than new music or technology to get them on the right track. They’ve got shit for brains man! Crazy freaking money-money-money – guns guns guns. It’s all about war and money. Aren’t you tired of war, people? Yesterday a little 3-year-old girl blew her head off with the gun that her Dad left lying around. he had good intentions, of course – but that proves the main point – there shouldn’t be any guns in households with children. But these people – you ain’t gonna prove anything to them. Stories like that are inspiring – no doubt, but I seriously doubt they gonna change anything in this screwed up world, sorry…

    • They killed kenny permalink
      April 10, 2010 3:13 pm

      Man come on with your anti gun bullshit! Guns don’t kill people. People kill people. The dad in that story (which I checked out by the way) was chasing a burgular but he got away and then the dad left the gun laying on the side table. the little girl mistook it for a Wii gun. Now who we gonna blame the Wii people? It was the dads fault and he has to live with himself now his girl is gone. sad but true. Don’t blame guns. Blame ignorance.

  144. Carrie permalink
    March 12, 2010 9:49 pm

    They’re saying now that Corey Haim didn’t overdose – prescription drugs and pulmonary infection to blame. I’d like to support John31 – you crazy Christian nutjobs, just get the hell out of here! You’re contaminating this page.
    As to the book (duh – the one that’s supposed to be the main topic of this thread), I really enjoyed the surreal aspect of it. Traveling to Dominican Republic, those wild sex scenes – I absolutely loved it. And yes – modern American girls are very uptight these days. I think I should go to Europe to hit it off with girls, for real! Loved the story – when is the continuation?

  145. Catherine permalink
    March 12, 2010 9:56 pm

    When I listen to women (and men) like Abigail, it makes me scared that my children have to live in this country. Aggressive, absolutely messed up people! Oh goodness, I’m in no mood to write anymore here today – just makes me sick SICK!!! I seriously think those conservative church-goers all suffer from some sort of mental disorder. 😦

    • Desmond permalink
      March 24, 2010 3:53 pm

      The abigails of the world aren’t going to quickly go away. they are there through all time fighting to keep mankind from moving forward. For every person fighting to invoke change there ar 10,000 gate keepers of the past attempting to keep us from moving forward. The fight takes a human lifetime if one is up for it.

  146. Stevie permalink
    March 12, 2010 10:04 pm

    Maybe the athletes do need some new reviving technology or something. Seems to me they’re losing their ass!! Just saw a headline somewhere that the majority of National Football league blow pretty much all the moolah they earned down the toilet – after they retire. They get so used to all this big bucks, they can’t adjust their life styles after the golden age is over. So maybe John Wish was right in his book – athletes do need some mental help. They’re normally not that bright, just aggressive – when they happen to succeed, they’re using their success for wrong and destructive things. I wonder what technology was John Wish talking about? What would it involve?

  147. Eric permalink
    March 12, 2010 10:18 pm

    Oh come on! Why don’t you just stop being so against sports and everything that has to do with it??? Judging from this thread, only Americans are aggressive athletes. Why does nobody bring up crazy English soccer fans? And the soccer players too! They’re vERY aggressive – to put it mildly. I mean – maybe they do spend their money – I guess Stevie was referring to Scottie Pippen – but you can’t just say that ALL of them are stupid. In the story the author’s talking about saving their souls with beautiful music – that’s nice, but a lot of us need the same treatment, not necessarily athletes.

  148. Olivia permalink
    March 13, 2010 10:06 pm

    I just read the story and I think it’s about freedom. Freedom in all the different aspects. Freedom for Lola to leave her old life behind and run away, freedom to be sexually open for any kind of experiment, freedom to talk about her father’s business after years of silence. It’s extremely important for all of us to be able to read books like that. We live in the country that claims to be free, but instead just suppresses and represses everything and everybody. Look at that poor Air Force sergeant from South Dakota – Jene Newsome – fired for being a lesbian. And you call this a free country?

  149. Abigail permalink
    March 13, 2010 10:09 pm

    Those lesbians again! They will ruin this country. We will all burn in hell thanks to these disgusting sinners. They don’t know what they’re doing! They need to find Jesus! They need more cases like that – they did the right thing to that Jene Newsome – dirty woman!

    • Desmond permalink
      March 24, 2010 3:55 pm

      Sounds to me like someone needs to get it on. There’s plenty of love out there Abbie if you just look for it. You get what you ask for. Your obviously looking on the dark side of things. That’s too bad and wasteful.

  150. Christine permalink
    March 13, 2010 10:13 pm

    Man, the psychopath Abigail’s so worried about lezzies – maybe you like pussy yourself! ha ha!! Just admit it – come on!!! You have it on your mind when you’re awake, you have it on your mind when you’re asleep. That’s why people who just go with the flow piss your ass off. Just relax, man – and go get yourself some nookie for a change!

  151. Byron permalink
    March 13, 2010 10:23 pm

    Yep, a lot of psychos are roaming free these days. Let’s hope Abigail’s not a teacher. Has anybody read about that stupid-ass teacher from some county in North Carolina? The one that wrote “loser” on the student’s assignment? I mean what the f? How the hell are people like that even get a teaching job? Especially teaching kids! If we were a more educated nation and were exposed more to the literature like the story above – we more than likely wouldn’t be on our way to complete and total retardation and demise. Makes me remember this funny movie I’ve seen – can’t remember the name to save my life – about America in like 23 century, when everybody’s retarded? That’s where we’re going, and it’s not that funny. More sad than funny. I wish all that could be fixed with the new music and technology – but it will take time. We need a very rapid injection of education or something – otherwise we’re surely heading towards a very sad ending…

  152. McKenzie permalink
    March 13, 2010 10:26 pm

    I agree with the guys who are saying that football is stupid and aggressive. Totally! My brother plays for our high school team and I totally can see him growing more and more retarded every day… John Wish, any suggestions on how to save my bro? Where could I get this music?

  153. Doug permalink
    March 14, 2010 8:30 pm

    Simplicity is the key. Lola runs away from her father who represents money and all the unfortunate complications that come from money. What people fail to understand is that big money means big problems. Just like with children. How about Warren Buffett – the third richest man in the world is still living in the old house he bought for 30 something grand 40 years ago. Now that’s the spirit. I think the author was trying to say that we’re focusing on the wrong goals throughout our lives. We should change our perspective, and then we’ll be good to go.

  154. Sasha permalink
    March 14, 2010 8:38 pm

    I’ve read that article too – about the grand homes of the rich. I don’t see anything wrong with that. If you have a lot of money, might as well use it. Otherwise – what are you going to do – to take it to the grave with you? Reminds me of Charles Dickens Scrooge story. Lola on the other hand runs away from dirty money. John Wish doesn’t just outright mention it, that the money is dirty, but it’s implied. Hell, if I had a lot of money – like Dell and Gates – I wouldn’t mind living in the mansion either!

  155. Davie permalink
    March 14, 2010 8:44 pm

    What the hell this story’s bout, i aint gotta clu! Everybody here ravin bout sex scene – was ther a sex scene? The hell, i didnt notice. I lov this dirty stuff, but i didnt see anythin dirty here. Better check out some porn sites or somethin..

  156. Dora permalink
    March 14, 2010 8:54 pm

    I think the woman writing crazy religious comments – Abigail the Psycho – must be Sarah Palin. Or at least a big fan of hers. ha ha!! That’s why a lot of people who come to this thread don’t really understand the depth and complexity of the message – they’re simply ignorant. Or hypocrites. Or both. Once again – coming back to my favorite Sarah Palin – the woman ADMITTED to having crossed the border to Canada for affordable health care. That health care that she finds “revolting”. I mean how ignorant and hypocritical can you get? I’m so happy stories like that are still being created and added to the collective consciousness of the modern society. Without them – like somebody here said – we’d be heading down the road to complete retardation (see the comment above:)).

    • Desmond permalink
      March 24, 2010 4:03 pm

      Sarah Palin and the Repubelicking party are heading the way of the dinosaur I think. Obama got the health care plan he wanted and they are pissed off. They are definently not christians as they profess. The irony is that they are the ones who probably will partake of the health care more than any others. They are usually poor, uneducated and lazy.

      • slade permalink
        April 10, 2010 3:24 pm

        Yeah keep on thinking that and in the next election we will stomp your asses. The democrats have already given away half the country with their socialist agenda so the people will vote just the opposite next time. My vote is for Newt Gingrich. his agenda is what America needs.

  157. Megan permalink
    March 19, 2010 5:11 am

    I just wanted to leave a quick comment about this story. It reminds me of my relationship with my dad. Not an incestuous one mind you! He was so nurturing and caring. A lot like the man in your story. I find that very nice. Sometimes it’s nice not to be too direct and to let people learn for themselves.

  158. andrew anonymous permalink
    March 19, 2010 5:14 am

    Love is the answer and you know that for sure! That’s a John lennon line from Mind games the song. The book has that going on because he’s palying mind games with Lolas head but she knows underneath that Love is the answer. good on Ya mate.

  159. dax permalink
    March 25, 2010 5:37 pm

    Fuck this bullshit you folks are talking bout. The story is about fucking. Life is about fucking. Everybodys fucking. Get over it. Paris Hilton is fucking. Christina Aguilara is fucking. Pam Anderson is fucking. Y’all need to stop with the politics and bullshit and start fucking. Dumb motherfuckas. Now stick that up your ass.

  160. DD Homeslice permalink
    March 25, 2010 5:40 pm

    damn nice to see a straight shooter round here dex. These assholes wouldn’t know life if it came up and bitch slapped em in the face.

  161. Alicia permalink
    March 25, 2010 5:43 pm

    What is it with some people that they have to turn everything into a disgusting piece? Come on people the story is obviously supposed to be enlightening not gross and derogatory. Or are those words too big for your small “fucking” vocabulary?

  162. Dax permalink
    March 25, 2010 5:50 pm

    Man comon beeeootch! You wanna piece of ole Dax! 🙂 Man I’m just playing with ya. You got a sense of humor I hope? Nah I’m just kidding again. I ain’t playing with ya. Dax just wants to bend your ass over and show you how a real man fucks your ass. Man this story is lame compared to what I would do with yo ass. i would tear that shit up. You sit around reading Harlequeer romance novels and you miss the boat when a real man comes along. Now suck my dick. Beeeeeootttttttttchhhh!

  163. Albert permalink
    March 25, 2010 5:54 pm

    I find the story to be quite surreal and very interesting thus far. I enjoy the posts although some of them are quite rude. To those posters writing profanity I would encourage them to grow up. Having said that Christina Aguilara is hot as fuck and I too would wear her ass out in bed. Good day.

  164. Dax permalink
    March 25, 2010 5:56 pm

    Nice one Albert! 😉

  165. Chipmonk permalink
    March 29, 2010 8:11 pm

    I find extremely amusing – to observe such peculiar discussions on the Internet. Everybody’s anonymous, and everyone is expressing their points of view without any restraints. Could you possibly observe such a phenomenon in real life? Oh no! Only in virtual one. As it happens, we should consider ourselves extremely lucky to have two worlds at our disposal. Lola and Jack also enjoy the luxury of two worlds. One of them is shallow and despairingly dull. Another one is full of intoxicatingly bright and aromatic (yes, aromatic, one can smell them!!) color!! It promises its reader the magnificent Never Never Land. I very much enjoyed reading this piece.

  166. J'adore! permalink
    March 29, 2010 8:13 pm

    Are they tripping on acid? It reminded me of my fun years. It’s been a while, but I still remember. 

  167. Guerillaactionwoman permalink
    March 29, 2010 8:14 pm

    Did you even read the story, J’Adore? Or are you still tripping? They spelled it out that it was NOT drugs. For fuck’s sake, people who say shit just to say something should just shut the fuck up and get on with their lives!!!

  168. Perp permalink
    March 29, 2010 8:15 pm

    So much hatred and aggression in here – shit, easy, lady you might explode. 🙂 The way Lola changes locations and dimensions also made me think of acid. All her hidden thoughts materialize right in front of her. But the author did say that it’s not drugs. It’s music. He found the technology that supposedly will help heal the humanity. Which is really quite fascinating. I especially enjoyed the writer’s opinion on modern sports. A really good friend of mine has ruined his life – all thanks to the utter devotion to football. I told him multiple times – you’ve got to stop it, man, it’s gonna break you. No luck though.

  169. Mini permalink
    March 29, 2010 8:16 pm

    The sex scenes were disturbing. I’m already half-expecting a bunch of you attacking me and calling me uptight. But it’s just not right. It’s got to be private. It shouldn’t be described like that. I couldn’t even make myself read on. It’s just… wrong. 

  170. The Goat permalink
    March 29, 2010 8:17 pm

    Oh come on get over it! Are you a nun or what? If you’re married, you’d better hurry up and grow up. Or one day you’ll wake up and find out that your honey’s been having real fun with some young up-for-anything babe, and you’ll be all moaning and groaning, oh poor me. The sex was the best part of it. I didn’t get what the rest of it was about, but the fucking was enough to keep me interested.

  171. Magnusrex permalink
    March 29, 2010 8:18 pm

    Manga man here just wantin to say to ya ladies. Ya needs to get some o dis Jamaica tool. It’s a firm yardie stick hot for ya asses. No playing jus business. I love some romance novels meself. So relax and let me do all the work.

    • Carlos Spicey Weiner permalink
      April 5, 2010 3:27 am

      I like your style dude. Rastas don’t play. These women these days need to hear it from us real men. We are here to fuck not to get alll romantic and shit. Male species crave ass 24/7 women lie to themselves thats why they read romance novels and the mags in the supermarket checkout. Always looking for some shit thats larger than life. If they would just loosen up they would be so fucking miserable.

  172. Tablefor5louise permalink
    March 29, 2010 8:19 pm

    Ya know guys there are cool girls here too who ain’t so rigid. Myself included. I love bad boys. Black white Mexican you name it. I’m down with it. So don’t rate us all as uptight bitches.

  173. Pobs28 permalink
    March 29, 2010 8:20 pm

    It’s fun to read some of the comments here. Politics was never my thing but I do like controversy myself. And lovely ladies. Who doesn’t? The book I could take it or leave it. Life is short so I don’t spend a lot of time reading novels. I do like to look at hot ass though. I would definently like this site more if there was more ass on it.

  174. Brodiemaxx permalink
    March 29, 2010 8:21 pm

    Fuck all yall whiney bitches complaining bout men in here! Men rule the world and always fucking have. You nasty hos are lucky if a guy like me pays attention to your ugly asses. Don’t doubt it for a second. Suck my dick ho’ssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!!

  175. Liquidfish permalink
    March 29, 2010 8:22 pm

    I was reading the story and thought it was pretty cool. It’s strange and a bit hard to follow but intriguing I believe. The monster guy reminded me of the movie “Troll”. Speaking of trolls there seems to be a lot of em on the forums trying to disrupt conversations. The moderators must be asleep or something cause some posters are writing some very rude and outrageous things. Not cool people. Grow up. Brodiemaxx your disgusting. Your mother wouldn’t be too proud I’m sure.

  176. Chrisb77 permalink
    March 29, 2010 8:24 pm

    Enjoyed the story especially the drug induced freaky sex. Got me right off! Love me some troll fucking. Also love trolling this thread and fucking with these puritanical shemale banshees ya got on here.

  177. Eleonor Dupree permalink
    March 29, 2010 8:25 pm

    The standards of many of the posts here have certainly dropped. I wonder how individuals can bother wasting their lives being so petulant and disgusting. I’m sure their mothers would not be proud of them. To think that today we have full grown men who just sit around looking at a computer screen and spending their lives writing insane nonsense to people they don’t even know. And just for an ego boost. Times have changed when the women lead more meaningful lives and the men are just weak children. Keep on acting that way kids and we girls will take control of this world for sure!

  178. Daphnekisses permalink
    March 29, 2010 8:26 pm

    Elenor I’m a girl and I love screwing with people on the internet. Does that fuck with your theory at all? Leave these little boys alone. Let me bust their balls the right way.

  179. Goatgosselin permalink
    March 29, 2010 8:27 pm

    Man elenor lighten up we’re just fucking with ya. The day that women rule the world is an alright day by me. I love getting the shit kicked out of me by a girl in black high heel boots with a whip as much as the next guy!

  180. Barry McCockiner permalink
    March 29, 2010 8:35 pm

    Really Goat what Elenor needs is not something you can give her. She can only get that from a gang of other girls armed with strapons. I would save my energy if I was you. Old bitch probably has flies on the cooch.

  181. Eleonor Dupree permalink
    March 29, 2010 8:36 pm

    Brave anonymous posters spewing filth is all you little boys truly are. FYI I am a practicing wiccan who appreciates the aesthetic side of things. I fully understand how you are emotionally underdeveloped and lacking in love from your parents and why you are now needing to respond to me. You crave attention. Like all human beings you need to be loved. Some of us have slipped so far however that there is no way to repair the sad damage therefore you relegate yourselves to meaningless time “fucking” with people. Ironically the person truly being fucked with is you and your own ego, Your ID. I’d recommend some Carl Jung for some better understanding of the trickster phase.

  182. Barry McCockiner permalink
    March 29, 2010 8:37 pm

    Like we give a good god damn what your old psycho ass thinks Elenor. You know that underneath it all you crave a real man like me. Come on baby admit it. Let me be your troll. I’ll show you how hot sex can get now drop them drawers beeeeooooootttttchhh!!!!

    • Layla permalink
      April 10, 2010 3:00 pm

      Please. Help yourself to another board than this one. What a drool little prepubescent child you are. Bothering to post your trite drivel on these forums that are filled with women who want to discuss relationships. So you constantly interject with inane comments to make yourself fill usefull in the world. You sir are an ass!

  183. Martin permalink
    March 29, 2010 8:38 pm

    The surreal aspect of your writings remind me of some short stories I used to enjoy back in my college days. I just wanted to drop you a line and say thank you. I look forward to your next installment and have added you to my favorites.

  184. Wendywish88 permalink
    March 29, 2010 8:41 pm

    Elenor I too am a practicing Wiccan and want to offer you some friendly support against the trolls here. Keep your chin up. Guys like that often find the road of life pays them back for their misdeeds. Let’s just hope no is hurt by them along the way. The world has too many bad people in it. It’s unfortunate. I sincerely wish you well on your journey and like Lola I hope these fools come to change their ways and accept some sunlight into their dark minds.

  185. ChrisAscher permalink
    March 29, 2010 8:42 pm

    Ladies it’s very nice to see cool women taking up for themselves and not holding any animosity against foolish males. I’m a guy who wishes we men were better but like you say we’ve a long way to go before we fully evolve. The interesting thing is that I’ve been watching the John Wish videos and they evoke this kind of mindset that you ladies are putting forth. Strong women doing interesting things. I think that’s pretty cool. So kudos for you girls in the fight against these dicks.

    • Carlos Spicey Weiner permalink
      April 5, 2010 3:24 am

      Goddamn how many gay guys are reading this shit. I took the time to look at the videos and let me tell ya dude they are about pussy not cock! Man I am sick of reading this wimpy bullshit dudes are posting here. get a fucking job and get off the fucking computer shit for brains!

  186. Barry McCockiner permalink
    March 29, 2010 8:46 pm

    ChrisAscher, you’re fucking faggot! Teaming up with the ladies and shit. How many dicks did you suck in your life? Maybe you’r sucking one right now? Oh, those balls must taste so good in your little faggotty mouth!!!

  187. Hearts'n'Diamonds permalink
    March 29, 2010 8:59 pm

    Ok, like, my mum is about to get divorced – for the third time. I mean, those are 3 I remember. No idea who my father is. And, frankly, I don’t really want to know. More than likely some bartender she screwed. And I’m saying, mum, I mean c’mon, you’re 42 – you’re like ancient! Women of your age don’t think sex. Duh! She’d probably like this story, she’s into kinky shit. All hip and groove and stuff. I mean, I’m tired of this crap. I wanna normal cookie baking mother. She turned me off guys and sex stuff. I think the story is just… kinky..

  188. El Victorino permalink
    March 29, 2010 9:21 pm

    Next thing you know infants will be posting shit on this thread. Yes, I said shit, because this child has posted pure BS. I’ve had quite a cool read thanks to John Wish and it really sucks that we have all kinds of disfunctional peeps posting here. Everyone here writes only about sex. Can you see through things and understand the deeper meaning. Or are you people really that shallow? John says to Lola thather craving of sex equals her insecurities. And cures her by making her experience the mind trip with the savages. Sex is important, but it’s just sex. it could be fun, it could be a crutch, or even worse – cood be evil and criminal. All depends on who’s using it. The same with technology.

  189. Ms. Cellana permalink
    March 29, 2010 9:27 pm

    The more I read stories and posts like that and the more I watch TV and read magazines, the more scared I get for my married life!! It seems like all men want perverted sex and easy women. I think my husband could be cheating on me. Even Sandra Bullock’s husband’s cheating. And she’s such a beautiful woman. Yes, he’s definitely having it going on with somebody on the side. With every day I get more and more paranoid. I check his pockets and smell his clothes. i look for some traces of infidelity all the time. Can you help me? What should I do? I’d like to let it go, like Lola, but I don’t think I can. It’s just so… wrong!!

  190. Staroffurby permalink
    March 29, 2010 9:31 pm

    Look at this uptight bitches up in here. God Bless America yo!! No need to be paranoid baby. If you’r not suckin on that dick, somebody else is. Believe me! Wanna save your marriage. Fuck the shit out of your hubby and u might stand a chance!!

  191. HuxleyWorld permalink
    March 29, 2010 9:36 pm

    Gimme a break you guys. By you guys I mean Barry Cock or whatever your name is and Staroffurby. I see that the powerful sex descriptions turned you on, but there’s no need talking to women like that!! Shit, did you even read the story? It’s about forgiveness and love for mankind. And you’re fucking degenerates posting shit knows what in here. Just shut the fuck up and suck your own dicks. You need something in your mouth to stop this verbal diarrhea from flooding the Internet. Cheers!

  192. HuxleyWorld permalink
    March 29, 2010 9:39 pm

    Ms. Cellana, first of all – stop obsessing. Just live and enjoy life. When you were reading this story, you obviously were paying attention to wrong details. It’s about simple living and enjoying every moment and every note of the music that you hear. When you start living and enjoying the present, good sex will come.

  193. Jizzay permalink
    March 29, 2010 9:42 pm

    Was he really rubbing the penny on her clit or what? I’m bad at all that surreal crap but that’s what I got out of it. Kinda cool. Maybe I should try it out with my gal tonight!

  194. Candy Apple Cinderella permalink
    March 29, 2010 9:45 pm

    Oh fuck, I’m so fucking tired of dumbasses like Jizzay! Why’s everything to be so literal? It’s a fucking metaphor you douchebag, and u just spoiled the whole fucking impression of the book by your dumbass comment. Just do us all a favor and piss off!

    • Jizzay permalink
      March 30, 2010 10:50 pm

      Easy woman! I said I’m not good at that metaphorical shit. Call me stupid whatever. I don’t care. He was rubbing something on her clit. I just like to call things for what they’re. Does that bother you?

  195. Peter Pan permalink
    March 29, 2010 9:46 pm

    90% of the comments here are outright childish, and the rest 10% are too philosophical or political. Can I just say – cool story, dude?

  196. MoonCat permalink
    March 29, 2010 10:26 pm

    Not many people seem to notice the topic of money that John Wish develops in his story. Seems to be a bit utopical. No money – just new technology based on cosmic music? Could be an awesome solution to all of our problems, but .. no, don’t think so. Money’s money.

    • Carlos Spicey Weiner permalink
      April 5, 2010 3:22 am

      Man for a guy named Moon cat your sure fucking pragmatic! Get a fucking life douchebag. There is more to life than money. There’s pussy and plenty of it occupies this womens group here. Now go fuck off with your crap life philosophy.

  197. Donkeyface83 permalink
    March 30, 2010 10:38 pm

    Honey bunny beeee, I bet ya fuck for money too, yes, sugar? That cock tastes much better when big bucks r in the picture. Play with my balls whore!

  198. MoonCat permalink
    March 30, 2010 10:44 pm

    Why don’t you call yourself donkey balls instead of donkey face, you prick? What the fuck’s your problem? I just posted what I though about the story, asshole – and you r posting offending shit which is by the way off topic!! Yes, I love money, and I have plenty of it. Judging by your post you don’t own shit and you will probably never will. You got shit for brains!!

  199. GalaCtica permalink
    March 30, 2010 11:01 pm

    Frankly speaking I don’t see a problem with calling things for what they are. Yes, I think Jack was stimulating Lola’s clitorus with, I guess, a penny. 🙂 When one puts it that way it doesn’t sound pretty anymore. It doesn’t leave room for imagination. Whereas John Wish describes it in a beautiful a la Dali way. I don’t think we should be attacking Jizzay for calling things their names. Sex is sex, and they were screwing. He’s not stupid, he guessed what the deal was, correct? I believe that people who insist on sounding too metaphorical and who use too many fugures of speech are simply afraid of facing the truth.

  200. Ms. Cellana permalink
    March 30, 2010 11:05 pm

    It’s so easy to say – just enjoy your life. How can I enjoy my life if all I can see in my mind is my husband screwing other women? I know he must be doing that – men are more animalistic and more sex driven. Women, we like romance. They’re some female predators out there who just want to steal somebody else’s husband. And they’re ready for any kind of humiliating act in bed!!!

    • FryerFluck permalink
      April 1, 2010 7:33 pm

      Oh just get the fuck over it and give your hubby a nice wet BJ! And everything will be cheeky pooky!!

  201. WitchINME permalink
    March 30, 2010 11:07 pm

    Maybe you should stop thinking of sex as humuliating act? Just a thought :).

    • Ms. Cellana permalink
      April 5, 2010 6:54 pm

      Oh yes – you were so right all along!! I got so freaking mad when I saw this comment. I don’t know why. You didn’t curse or use offensive words like some other people here, but it hurt the most. I guess you’ve hit the bull’s eye. I figured I had to do something with myself. i guess even some guys here who posted something about girls being too uptight were actually – right! If we get rid of our inhibitions, we’re just born anew!!!!!! Thanks a lot!!

  202. Madness_yes! permalink
    March 31, 2010 11:03 pm

    The story is fascinatingly invigorating and as refreshing as a glass of OJ in the morning. Made me remember my first love. It was all reckless and insane – and, let’s face the truth, it wouldn’t go anywhere, but it’s still something I dream about at night. His hands, his lips, my hands and my lips – we are together and we are one. You can’t tell where I end and he begins. It was amazing. This is what a truly amazing sexual experience feels like in real life – surreal!!

  203. Passionfruit Chica permalink
    April 1, 2010 7:20 pm

    I feel sorry for you, Madness_yes! You’re lying to yourself and your family. You aren’t enjoying hanging out with your husband. You’re living in your dream world. I don’t see anything similar between you and Lola. Everything that is happening to Lola is for real, your life seems to be just a pathetic bundle of lies. Shoudn’t we be all looking for real love and real feeling? Instead of settling down for whatever we can get?

    • Madness_yes! permalink
      April 2, 2010 6:40 pm

      Oh Chica, there’s no need to feel sorry for me – spare yourself for your own future life. You have plenty of years ahead of you (judging by your post, you’re enviably young :). I would love to keep on living in the same fascinating acid-trip like world of my 17-year-old self, and if you succeed – more power to you! I just could not. You know, I couldn’t help growing up and wanting comforts and money and stability. Unfortunate, but very real. I’m so sorry honey. I didn’t mean to crash the glass ball of your beautiful dreams. Let’s just say – I hope you will be luckier than me. 🙂

  204. FryerFluck permalink
    April 1, 2010 7:25 pm

    Oh look at the little chica looking for romance. Just get over it, sweetnesssss! There’s a harsh reality out there, with lots of fucking involved, but there ain’t any romance out there. You’ve read too much of Romio and Juliete or whatever it is.

  205. Whipped...cream permalink
    April 1, 2010 7:31 pm

    Oh you fucking fryer fuck moron. Quit messing with the girl’s head. She’s young and hopeful, and you’re old, disgusting and hopeLESS. Just turn some fucking porn on and jack off for the rest of your life, please!!!

  206. Toad on the Stick permalink
    April 1, 2010 7:38 pm

    How old are you, pumpkin? I mean – Passionfruit Chica? 🙂

  207. LillyW permalink
    April 1, 2010 8:03 pm

    I also have very complicated relationship with my father. Maybe I should do like Lola did – run away? I’ve spent so many absolutely useless years trying to unravel the spiderweb of all this crap, but now I’m thinking – should I just say – fuck it and move on? It seems like we grow up connected by invisible bonds to our families (naturally), but perhaps some of us are so different from our families, we don’t necessarily have to stay connected to them.

    • Rosey permalink
      April 2, 2010 6:28 pm

      That’s very good point! Kudos for that one. I never could figure out why genetic bonds are supposed to be the last say in our decisions regarding the family. Shit, I fucking hate my family. Lola did it just right. Just right.

  208. PonyTale permalink
    April 2, 2010 6:33 pm

    I love my family, mum and dad and my little sisters. I like cant imagine my life without them. You have very weird bad familyes I guess. It sux 4 you. Sorry.

  209. Popsickle permalink
    April 2, 2010 7:03 pm

    What’s the deal with that dude, the friend of Jack’s? Did he want to get that new technology stuff so that his girlfiend could become famous? I mean, if you can’t sing, you can’t sing for shit, right? And if you can sing only thanks to some software or whatever that you bought, that’s just outright unfair.

    • Bouissa permalink
      April 2, 2010 7:27 pm

      Isn’t that what the record companies do now anyways? All so called pop stars can’t sing, but the soft they’re using makes it sound real nice, Unfair, yes, but that’s the way the worlds goes around.

    • Alien from Planet Q permalink
      April 3, 2010 8:16 pm

      You are stuck in 20th century man. C’mon wake the fuck uuuup! It’s the 21st one out there. Now anybody can sing thanks to the wonders of IT. So there. Why the fuck would you need the fucking talent. All u need is moolah to buy it.

      • murdoch 21 permalink
        April 8, 2010 5:24 pm

        Too true sadly. I mean look at Taylor Swift that girl sucks but everybody is buying that crap. It just goes to show it’s not what ya know it’s who ya blow!

  210. SureshR permalink
    April 2, 2010 7:15 pm

    I want to date a guy who’d fuck me like that. My boyfriend is all wishy-washy and lovey-dovey and just agh yuck! I never can even talk to him about anything new in our sex life BORING!!!

  211. HuovB permalink
    April 3, 2010 7:47 pm

    Why do you have to be so predictably BORING, SureshR??? Maybe if you weren’t so boringly obsessed with the common notion of sex as a simply animalistic act, you would be able to have a mind-blowing sexual experience. Alternatively, you are stuck in limbo of longing for something, you are virtually incapable of achieving. This impossibility comes from within you, ironically. Your boyfriend is not the one to blame – poor thing. Stuck with the an ignorant girl like you – I feel horribly bad for him.

  212. FryerFluck permalink
    April 3, 2010 7:50 pm

    Maybe, she’s got a very powerful libido. What are you blaming her for? Some people just want to fuck that’s all.

    • bosticksuncle permalink
      April 6, 2010 3:38 am

      Fryer Fluck I just gotta say i love your moniker man. It reminds me of a friend I had in the Marines who we once hooked up with a transexual prostitute when he was drunk. He was a bit rotund so we called him Fryer Fuck. You should of seen the look on his fucking face when his drunk ass realized he was kissing a dude! Priceless man.

  213. HuovB permalink
    April 3, 2010 8:09 pm

    You are a terribly shallow person, and your nick explains it all. That is the reason why the sex that Lola experiences with Jack is so stunningly amazing. Their minds, hearts and souls connect during the intercourse. That is the reason why some people are capable of experiencing particularly powerful orgasms, that ignorant people like you cannot even dream of. How utterly sad!

    • FryerFluck permalink
      April 3, 2010 8:11 pm

      U r just a frigid old bitch 🙂

  214. DaveDove permalink
    April 3, 2010 8:24 pm

    I think anybody who does sports full-time is a fucking idiot. Why would anyone want to help’em?

  215. Molasses permalink
    April 3, 2010 9:51 pm

    The dudes who just post shit here should fuck right off, I think. It’s a very awesome story with the cool and deep message, and most peeps posting here are fuckin braindead.

  216. Silver_Lining permalink
    April 3, 2010 11:59 pm

    Why’s everyone arguing about some petty little shit? The story’s about this, author was trying to say that! How the hell do you know what the author was trying to say? The human mind is so complex, I bet you can’t figure out what the hell’s going on in your own head sometimes. I think there’re so many underlining messages in this storyline – sports, love, money, sex, new technology – but you can’t look at all of them separately. You’ve got to turn to the wisdom of collective consciousness, and assess everything together. Only then we might be able to reveal the deepest and the most sublime meaning the author was trying to convey. No guarantee though. Some books are still a mystery to its readers and critics. The power of human mind is immense. We tend to underestimate it.

  217. DangerDog permalink
    April 4, 2010 12:01 am

    For fuck’s sake Silver Fucking Lining! You think your in the fucking literature class you moron. This is a fuckin website, I can post whatever I fucking like. Like suck my nuts, douchebag! The story is shit, by the way. I want more details – kinky stuff. And here – I couldn’t even understand what the fuck was going on. The Lola chick was on drugs, I’m telling you.

  218. Suicide Brunette permalink
    April 4, 2010 12:02 am

    Hahaha!! Maybe the author was on drugs – more like. It’s not a bad thing, actually. All artists and musicians and poets do drugs. It helps them create. Huxley was tripping on acid on his deathbed.

  219. Gjbellava permalink
    April 4, 2010 12:03 am

    Why was she thirsty after that savages thing? I didn’t get it…

    • Molasses permalink
      April 5, 2010 6:06 pm

      Why doesn’t that surprise me?

      • Gjbellava permalink
        April 5, 2010 6:57 pm

        What’s that supposed to mean?

  220. Cutekitty3 permalink
    April 4, 2010 12:04 am

    People!!! Where’s romantic stuff???? Like, we grow up on Cinderella and stuff, and the older we get, the more we realize there’s no Prince Charming, and everybody’s like, u r stupid and like old-fashioned. That’s just not cool. I think Jack was more than sex.

  221. Treebee permalink
    April 4, 2010 12:06 am

    I can see two extremes for sure. Teenage girls obsessed with love, and moronic men obsessed with their dicks. Where’s the Golden Mean? Has anybody heard of harmony? I think that’s what Jack is trying to teach Lola. Live in harmony with yourself. Forget about money. Forget about fighting for attention (sports analogy). Forget your fears (savages). And then and only then you will become a complete person.

  222. WitchINME permalink
    April 5, 2010 6:01 pm

    I can’t believe how many dumb people there out there. Just look at that Spicey Pennis (What a NAME!!!) posting all over this thread. You’ve got penis for head, dude!

  223. Maximillion permalink
    April 5, 2010 6:12 pm

    Strong chemistry like that is what most people look for and can’t find. The reason for that? Maybe everyone wants their lives to be just perfect. And Lola lets it go and goes with the flow. You know, like an orgasm? You’ll never cum, if you don’t let go. And if you do, it won’t be as strong as. It’s the same with life. If you just are, it all comes (unintened pun) easier.

  224. Ms. Cellana permalink
    April 5, 2010 6:43 pm

    I decided to follow the advice I got here, and figured I’d forget about my paranoja for 1 week and just enjoy life. And I did! I got some sun, I got my nails and hair done, and I bought myself a vibrator!!! Something I’d never think of doing before. And yesterday night we had the most amazing sex with my husband. I could not believe the things we got up to!! I had the most amazing orgasm in my life and my hubby’s just gobsmacked!! 🙂 Thank you for such a wonderful advice!! I think you saved my marriage!!

  225. La_Tino permalink
    April 7, 2010 12:13 am

    All my friends on this thread r discussing high moral grounds and meaningful messages in the story. What got me interested was the plot. Nobody found it intriguing that Jack was literally interrogating Lola about her father’s business? Don’t you remember? It seems a bit suspicious to me. Maybe there’s some kind of twist in the plot in the future chapters. What do you think, brothers? You think Lola’s lover will screw her around?

  226. FryerFluck permalink
    April 7, 2010 12:14 am

    Shit man, now I remember thinking it too. It was odd for sure. Then I a kinda forgot about it. Yay – maybe some juicy twists and turns are ahead!!

  227. DuLu permalink
    April 7, 2010 12:15 am

    Lola is just too naïve. I wouldn’t be surprised in the least if all the big ordeal’s about diamonds in the end. I used to be like Lola- when I was young and foolish. You think that you’re in love, and you and him are the only two people in this wonderful world. To make the long story short – you’re wearing pink sunglasses. One day the wind blows – oops, sunglasses are blown off your head, and you’re left naked (without glasses… and not only) and heart-broken. No, thanks very much, ladies and gentlemen. Been there done that. Don’t want that anymore…

  228. FryerFluck permalink
    April 7, 2010 12:17 am

    Come’on babe, don’t be so negative. Not all men are so bad. U just had some bad luck. “You’ve had a bad day, la la la…”

  229. Joodah913 permalink
    April 7, 2010 12:18 am

    I don’t like being that pessimistic. Fuck, lets just all say, life’s shit and commit and universal all-world-together suicide. Everything would be so much easier then. No world, nothing to worry about. Woman, wake up and go get laid – it’ll boost your endorphine level. Poor soul. 

    • murdoch 21 permalink
      April 8, 2010 5:19 pm

      Poor soul come on dude you should talk! You sound like a fucking idiot. Where do you dildos come from? Oh I forgot the fucking toilet thats where you came from. My sister posts here and is tired of you jerkoffs writing crap comments when they are wanting to discuss the book. Go somewhere else with your BS.

  230. Fortuna permalink
    April 7, 2010 12:21 am

    I had a very NON cool love experience once. I was so madly in love, I thought I’d die without him. I cried for weeks when he left. I didn’t leave my wretched NY apartment for 10 days. My friends had to bring me food and make me eat it. It was horrid, just horrid!! But you know what? I came out on the other side. I read books on psychology, I met new people, I fucked, and after all, after 5 years, I fell in love again. And it was good this time. There’s no need to lose hope after bad experience. We’ve got to stay optimistic. I also think that Lola will be just fine. I don’t think Jack wants to screw her over. Maybe screw , but not screw over.

  231. kamm96 permalink
    April 7, 2010 5:54 pm

    How does she know what’s it like to be drunk if she never drank alcohol in her life? She’s even being specific – “as if I had some dry wine”. Amazing details for someone who never consumed alcohol. 🙂

  232. missygnome permalink
    April 7, 2010 5:55 pm

    Or more like, what kind of a person never has a fucking drink? U’r fucking kidding me, right? I quit drinking at 23!!!

  233. someone_else permalink
    April 7, 2010 5:57 pm

    People, you’re missing a bigger point. John Wish was trying to let the readers know that Lola’s been living in a secluded world before she met Jack. In a retreat of sorts. She never had an alcoholic beverage, she never had sex – that’s odd too, right? Actually, I was like that. My parents tried really hard to protect me from the brutality of this world – thus, I couldn’t enjoy the pleasures of it either. I was like a nun. Somebody’s got to tell young parents that it’s not the way to go. By trying to protect your child too hard, you’re turning them into people who are incapable of a normal communication with the outside world and its members. So there. Yes, it is possible to be twenty-something and still be essentially a child.

  234. FryerFluck permalink
    April 7, 2010 5:58 pm

    Oh man, I’d like to get me some pussy who’s never seen dick before. Niiice!! I’d be like a Dalai Lama preachin awayyyy!!

  235. April 7, 2010 5:59 pm

    I bet you he’s after her for money. For her father’s diamonds. My BFF (well, at least she used to be my BFF) was just as stupid. She was all like – I’m in love, it’s a real passion and all that shit. And then the fucker took off with all her stuff. Like jewelery, and even a fucking DVD player. Passion my ass. He was passionate about making sure he took whatever he could carry!!

  236. Passionista permalink
    April 8, 2010 4:56 pm

    I have a best friend who lives in Andalusia, Spain and we have had conversations in the past about the maturity leves of american men compared to European men and we both agree American men are very juvenille in their behavoir. It is reflected in many of the comments here. I don’t believe they are coming from Europe they seem mostly american.

  237. emma permalink
    April 8, 2010 5:00 pm

    I couldn’t agree with you more on your comment Passionista. It’s a sad staement about American society. I blame it on free market capitalism myself. The cream doesn’t rise to the top. The crap does. Sure we can buy things cheaply but at what cost? The cost of our sanity. America is a very young country compared to Europe and it was founded on Puritanical ideas which explains their religious fervor and hypocritica behavoir. don’t be fooled by Uncle Sam. He’s a shifty dirty tricky bastard.

  238. The Overloard permalink
    April 8, 2010 5:05 pm

    Oh great another fucking america bashing thread. If you don’t like this country get the fuck out hopefully you aren’t even in it. America was built on freedom baby get used to it. You commie fat miserable bitches wouldn’t know a real man if he came up and dick slapped you in the face which is what I would do if we ever met. I wouldn’t even fuck you with Stalins dick thats how much you are a skank.

  239. passionista permalink
    April 8, 2010 5:10 pm

    Exscuse me but isn’t Overlord spelled without an A in it? Your comment kinda gives away your intelligence. Or lack thereof I should say. I am assuming at this point that you are one of those immature boys we were talking about. You see real men don’t interupt ladies chat room conversations about books. real men have lives and jobs. They don’t sit around verbally masturbating on the internet whcih is what you are doing. Now please please respond to my comment and reinforce my belief to everyone who reads this that your just a jackoff.

  240. murdoch 21 permalink
    April 8, 2010 5:15 pm

    Why do you ladies bother responding to these idiots. Let me tell you a quick story. A friend of mines sister was beaten severly after she communicated with a nutjob on the internet. Your posts are not always anonymous. The guy was an administrator and figured out here IP address. He stalked her and jumped her in a parking lot. She was in the hospital for a week and almost lost her sight in one eye. So be careful when dealing with strangers on the internet. They may not be as stable as you give them credit for. Just a word of concern.

  241. candice permalink
    April 8, 2010 5:26 pm

    I am a big fan so far of what I’ve read. i can truly relate to Lola too. My life was empty for sometime and then an amzing man came along and showed me the light. His name is Jesus Christ.

  242. tex mex permalink
    April 8, 2010 5:31 pm

    Oh fuck me not another fucking bible basher! God damn would you folks get a fucking life. Look at what’s currently going on with the church. they have been fucking choir boys for centuries and they are finally getting called out on that shit! Ya know why they fuck little children? Because they are feminine in some aspects like females! No shit huh? Who woulda thunk it but men in dresses who hang out with little boys while cutting themselves off from pussy suddenly start sticking their ole johnsons up the kids arse! Sick bastards. The church is unnatural behavoir! Nature intends procreation between two members of the opposite sex. it’s fucking nature. The church stole all their shit from the pagans anyway. Embrace paganism and orgy all you like with the right gender. Fuck the church.

  243. tex mex permalink
    April 8, 2010 5:34 pm

    Having said that I just wanted to wish everyone a “blessed day”! ha! that’s what some bitch at walmart said to me yesterday through her one tooth. 6.50 an hour job, no benefits, flat broke, barely any teeth and she tells me to have a blessed day. if she’s blessed I’ll eat my fucking shorts.

  244. legalize it now! permalink
    April 8, 2010 5:41 pm

    Man Tex Mex ya hit the nail on the head. They all profess that the church is the answer yet its the church that fucked em all up. One thing I can agree with the writing here about is that it’s about dreaming my friend. If jesus did exist he was a man who was most likely a strong dreamer who had visions. I think there are many like him on earth even today but these religious nutjobs aren’t ready to take responsibility for their own misdeeds. they would rather say that jesus died for “thier” sins. It absolves them of all responsibility. A bit like WMD in Iraq. Blame the other guy. It’s called projection and America is great at it. Project your shit on everybody else and don’t look back. Thats’s what they always say. “we have to look forward. Well how do ya learn from mistakes if you can’t look back. Oh yeah I forgot they look back only when it’s someone else. Never themselves. Hypocrites.

    • danelectro boy permalink
      April 13, 2010 4:07 am

      That’s some whacked philosophy playa. I’m digging ya. Projection. Thats a cool term for what muthafuckas do. Throw their own bullshit back on someone else so they can get away with it. I’m down.

  245. cool kenny permalink
    April 8, 2010 5:47 pm

    I really dig the idea of music in everything. everything is vibrating after all. Even we vibrate at a certain frequency. When ya get right down to it we are just meat and bone constructed of invisible particles(on the subatom level) that are somehow held together because of energy that is oscillating at an extremely high rate. We technically could explode at any time if we became unstable (nice metaphor huh?) Some of us do. That would explain spontaneous human combustion. In the story of Frankenstein Mary Shelly creates an electrified monster held together by stitches. The Modern day Prometheus he is called. man should be very wary of playing god in all aspects of life. better to just respect and learn to understand the universe. All in all though I like your book and I like the music you talk about.

  246. liam octo permalink
    April 10, 2010 2:13 pm

    Looks to me like jack is setting her up for her money. The author goes into the diamond thing and Jack seems so altruistic intintially. Looks like an Oceans 11 type scenario. He is probably just playing her. Freaky book I had a bit of trouble understanding the writing style it takes some getting used to. But I like it.

  247. goat mcgee permalink
    April 10, 2010 2:34 pm

    Most of you ladies here are reading too deeply into this shit. The probem I see for most of you is that your idea of a man is skewed. You like the Jack charcter because he represents what you wish a man to be like. Thats probably why the author calls him self John Wish. A John is a prostitutes customer and you all wish a man to be the way “You” want him to be. Well I hate to bust your bubbles girls but a real man is usually an asshole and thats why you really love us. Because we don’t put up with your shit. Embrace us for what we are and you will be a lot happier. The goat has spoken!

  248. layla permalink
    April 10, 2010 2:40 pm

    The world is your oyster is what I get from this beautiful story. Thank you for writing it.

  249. layla permalink
    April 10, 2010 2:43 pm

    To Goat who posted above I think your missing the other half of the equation. The female half. we are not all pieces of ass for the male species to consume. When you speak of nature it seems it comes in your mind only from a male perspective. we are all part of nature. respect the opposite sex and you’ll probably have more sex!

  250. penelope cruiser permalink
    April 10, 2010 2:48 pm

    Well put Layla. so many men act like pigs. No wonder so many cool and beautiful women enjoy lesbian sex instead of sex with swine. I love sex! I love fucking! I love getting it on! But I hate the way most men don’t have a clue on how to treat a woman in bed. Sex is supposed to be fun and exciting and erotic. Not some mindless chore performed by a clueless ape. My last boyfriend had no idea what a G-spot was let alone where it was. He was terrible at oral sex and a lousy kisser. I wondered if he felt anything at all? Was he just not into me or was he just into his clueless self? I figured it out and now I have been having sex with women for the last two years. It’s so much better.

  251. Layla permalink
    April 10, 2010 2:56 pm

    I hear ya on that one sister! Life is too short to constant deal with an existence with no feeling. I too have had encounters with women and I find it and your right on about mindless men. Boys is more like it. I live in California and most of the men are more into thier own looks thaan the girls. I think the whole state is a touch closet gay. Thats why so many girls like us turn to other girls for our fun. It’s just much easier. I dated a guy in LA when I was in my early twenties and I caught him having a homosexual affair with his swim coach. It changed my perception of men from then forward. Girls are just cooler.

  252. They killed kenny permalink
    April 10, 2010 3:17 pm

    Reading up on half the comments here I would venture to guess that most of these chicks have never had a real good fucking in their life. Otherwise they wouldn’t become a bunch of miserable lesbos kissing each others asses on an internet chat board.

  253. slade permalink
    April 10, 2010 3:21 pm

    Right there with ya on that one Kenny. what they need is a right good seeing to. A Canadian deep dicking is what I call it. A long slow fuck. If they want to lesbosize I can still help em out with that one. I’ll just wait my turn in the corner. Call me when your ready girls. I can be patient. Then when it’s my turn I’ll show you how to fuck. Afterwards you won’t swear off men anymore I promise.

  254. CherryPie permalink
    April 11, 2010 10:33 pm

    Well said, They Killed Kenny! Those so called lesbians are getting on my nerves. They just can’t figure their lives out, and start eating pussy instead. Very fucking smart. Just get yourself a dildo for god’s sakes!! And why are we talking about lesbians in the first place? Lola seems to be having perfectly satisfying sex with a man? Did the videos turn you on?

  255. CherryPie permalink
    April 11, 2010 10:36 pm

    Oh wow! And what is Canadian deep dicking? Sounds interesting ;).

  256. Magnolia_Frog30 permalink
    April 11, 2010 10:47 pm

    Guys, this thread rocks! I absolutely love it! Serious discussion mixed with the dumbest comments I’ve ever heard (or seen) in my life. I also don’t have any idea why everyone’s rambling on about lesbians (I don’t think it was in the book – or did I miss something? In that case please DO fill me in . But I have a funny story about it. My best friend in college got really disappointed in men during her crazy college years, blah blah blah, anyways – one day she just says – I’m tired of men, I’m in love with a woman, I want to marry her and move the Midwest. And grow vegetables. Now, I’m not kidding you or exaggerating. That’s exactly what she said. Anyways, not open for conversation or any discussion, here she goes – moves to the Midwest with her new lover. And 6 months later she comes back FURIOUS and with the restraining order against her ex-lover. I’m not kidding you. She said that her girlfriend was extremely jealous – about men and women- and one day she got so mad that she pulled a knife out and threatened to kill my friend. People, I find it nothing but funny!!

  257. LitGuru permalink
    April 11, 2010 10:49 pm

    This is a wonderful piece of literature and I hope that the writer will succeed and publish it one day. Beautiful. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!

  258. Pink-winged Panther permalink
    April 11, 2010 10:52 pm

    I think she just dreams it all. You remember “Vanilla Sky” with Tom Cruise? I seriously think that Lola’s in the dream state all along. That will explain why she remembers Jack from before and that he all of a sudden appears in her life.

  259. FryerFluck permalink
    April 11, 2010 11:01 pm

    What the fuck is LitGuru? ClitGuru more like.

  260. Grayarea permalink
    April 11, 2010 11:04 pm

    Shit, the lesbo saga posted here by Magnolia_Frog is hilarious! Reminded me of that episode in Sex and the City when Samantha’s gone lesbo. And then her Brazilian lover got a bit too much for her. She said she couldn’t handle a woman. FUNNY!

  261. Forever Young permalink
    April 12, 2010 11:28 pm

    That’s very funny that people are still discussing gays and lesbians. That’s not an issue anymore. Just get over it! In the times when priests molest young boys – come on, give me a break – it’s no time for banging on gays. If everybody could just relax, let go of all crap and enjoy good ole sex (like Lola), we wouldn’t be having so many fucked up people populating our planet.

  262. PenHandle permalink
    April 12, 2010 11:34 pm

    Jeeeeez! I didn’t expect so much sex when I first started readin. Daaaamn! It’s like reading a porn magazine. He was doing her doggy style, right?

  263. Grayarea permalink
    April 12, 2010 11:37 pm

    PenHadle must be FryerFluck’s BFF. I have a great suggestion for you guys. Why don’t you get together some time and suck each other’s dicks? That way

  264. Grayarea permalink
    April 12, 2010 11:38 pm

    PenHadle must be FryerFluck’s BFF. I have a great suggestion for you guys. Why don’t you get together some time and suck each other’s dicks? That way you won’t be hanging around this thread and flooding it with your dumbass remarks?

  265. PenHandle permalink
    April 12, 2010 11:41 pm

    Why don’t you learn to post correctly? Too busy eating pussy?

  266. Cherry_Soda permalink
    April 12, 2010 11:46 pm

    Peeps, I really think he’s gonna screw Lola big time. And not in the sexual way. He was asking her too many questions about her Dad’s business. Don’t you think? Like. I had this boy that was after me once. Invited me for a date a few times. He was older. My Mum and Dad told me to to be more careful. I mean, my Daddy’s like super rich, you never know what those boys could be after. And he was asking a lot of questions, about what my Dad’s doing, if we’re going on vacation often And then I was like – dude, are you after the money, do you want to rob us or what. And then he was like SO mad, and never called me again. Probably for the better – like my Mum said.

  267. Parsley permalink
    April 12, 2010 11:53 pm

    The author doesn’t really go into what happened to Lola’s mother. I think he said she disappeared or something to that effect. And he does talk about women who don’t care about their kids. Horrible! I just had a little baby boy, and I can’t even imagine not caring about this tiny creature more than anything in this world. I think a lot of bad people come from unstable families and unloving mothers.

  268. danelectro boy permalink
    April 13, 2010 4:01 am

    Frankly Scarlett i don’t give a damn! What the fuck is going on in this warped story? people fucking midgets and listening to the ocean? whatever man. Life is like a box of choclates and i ai’nt got no time for this madness! Leroy in the house!

  269. Colonelbleep permalink
    April 13, 2010 7:59 pm

    The woman that posts personal stuff about her marriage – shame on you! Why do you think you’re allowed to share your personal details on the Internet. And what makes you think that we’re interested. Whatever’s going on in your bedroom, just leave it there, pleaseeee!! I’ve read the story, and I think it’s very emotional and deserves some attention, but I don’t understand what caused such a public revolution in you? I’m not interested in whether you bought yourself another sex toy or had oral sex with your husband. For God’s sake, please, spare us the gaury details!!!

  270. Markfox07 permalink
    April 13, 2010 8:00 pm

    Shit man, I don’t mind it at all! Carry on, mam! I think it’s very freaking cool when women are so open-minded about sex. And you, colobelbleep, keep jacking it!

  271. Grasshopper permalink
    April 13, 2010 8:01 pm

    I want to screw like that but my wife just wouldn’t do it! She’s so prissy. She gets upset when I tell’er I wanna experiment. Any ideas? Maybe I should give’er this book to read?

  272. sTreetAngeL permalink
    April 13, 2010 8:07 pm

    It seems like Lola knew Jack before. Like at school or something like that? And all of a sudden he showed up in her life again. Didn’t you find it weird? It’s not like he’s a guy she never met before. She knows him, just didn’t see him for a while. Spooky! Where did he come from? Where has he been? What does he really want from her? Maybe it’s all about diamonds, like some guys’r pointing out. It’s a nice suspense mystery. I like it – I expect a mysterious murder from around the corner.

  273. Odie permalink
    April 13, 2010 8:08 pm

    I really like this guy in my literature class. I want him to notice me, but there’re girls that are much more attractive than me. Sexually… I wonder what I could do to attract him – like Jack’s attracted to Lola….

    • FryerFluck permalink
      April 14, 2010 8:12 pm

      Baby-love, the only way to attract a young guy in college, is to screw the living crap out of him. Give it a try. 😉

  274. FryerFluck permalink
    April 13, 2010 8:09 pm

    Grasshopper, just find somebody else to do man. There’s a lOt of horny bitches out there, all ready to screw you till u’r braindead. Why worry bout your old lady?

  275. Zack permalink
    April 13, 2010 10:28 pm

    An interesting read for sure! Following the inner thoughts of Lola is like living in someone’s dream. I liked the way the writer weaves in an out of one emotional state to the other. It really made me think of how random the thought process in one’s mind can be at times. Nothing solid to hang your hat on so far, but it is leading up to something much bigger I think. Something different and refreshing in this read.

  276. Paula permalink
    April 13, 2010 10:35 pm

    A friend recommended me to John Wish and I find this story quirky and entertaining with all of its’ twists and turns. Jack seems like a strange enigmatic character. His calm and easing demeanor is almost serial killer like as he gently guides Lola through some major life changing events. From where the store ends, it appears that he is setting Lola up for something. I’ll be looking out for the next installment to see where it all goes. Her love for him is truly blind.

  277. Merideth Morse permalink
    April 13, 2010 10:51 pm

    Lola’s mind seems like a fantasy world. Her attraction to Jack seems to be one from earlier years. Kind of like a schoolgirl crush on a teacher. I can’t say if I would ever make such important decisions like the one’s she is making so quickly with little regard to the consequences. Love and emotion seem to guide all of her actions. I know she really likes Jack, but to give away her fathers trade secrets so easily to a relative stranger seems dangerous. Love is great, but love alone doesn’t create trust.

  278. Brooke Petersen permalink
    April 13, 2010 10:55 pm

    I found this story very hard to follow at times. But overall I liked the way that it had me thinking of one thing when in fact something else was really going on. It is good to see someone tackling emotion from this point of view. Young girls often have so much crap in their heads that lead to emotional indifference at times. I hope Lola remains strong and true to herself as she goes through her journey with Jack.

  279. Peter Baker permalink
    April 13, 2010 11:04 pm

    A real departure from the normal romance or fantasy novel out there these days. The subject matter is emotionally twisted and sexy. The writer is spinning us around in so many directions at times it’s hard to keep up. But the more I read the more I continue to look for where the story is taking me next. The author has a weird writing style, but it is fresh and bold. Is it a mystery, love story or a crime story in the making. So far so good, keep it coming.

  280. Zippy42 permalink
    April 14, 2010 6:45 pm

    Freaky! I felt like I was on an acid trip reading this. What’s the deal with secretive “A” in this story? Is it a big mystery? You never know what is in the minds of some people out there. But I guess that’s part of the allure of this story. Somewhere in the world there are probably some people that actually think this way. I pray not too many, but I guess it is worth exploring. For some I guess “love” is the key to everything. If only it was really that simple. Lola’s father seems to be the only really grounded character in the story and yet we find out about him through Jack’s sly inquiry. He’s up to something with all of the questions about the diamond biz. True romance or criminal?

  281. Redieddy permalink
    April 14, 2010 6:52 pm

    Brooke I think you’re way off base about Lola. Not the kind of images I would think any young girl would have about exploring their first sexual encounter. I’m not an avid reader and this story is not going to change me anytime soon. I guess my sense of humor and imagination is too old and rigid. What’s the deal with the naked native guys and the cigars? But losing her virginity in the back seat of a car is classic!

  282. bcjazz permalink
    April 14, 2010 6:53 pm

    I can’t imagine what the author thinks about each day to conjure up a whimsical tale like this one. Somewhat captivating, but way out there! Is this guy Jack a psychologist or a nutcase? Lola reminds me of a girl I dated for a short time. She too was very inexperienced and had a kind of hidden secret crush on me for a while. Her willingness to uproot herself at the drop of a dime and just follow me out west had me baffled. Totally believable if this takes place in the 60’s during the days of free love and acid. This story definitely has you on a thinking of all kinds of stuff.

  283. Lynnwood permalink
    April 14, 2010 6:56 pm

    Great story in the making. A different writing technique that takes a little getting used to. Not a surprising story for a setting in Southern California. Lots of weirdo’s with strange stories to tell I guess! The whole story moves through phase’s way to fast to comprehend in my opinion. Slow down and let the story and characters take a breather and develop more! A 25 year attractive female with an obvious daddy complex that has never had a sexual encounter in So Cal. Yeah right!!!

  284. Helenf98 permalink
    April 14, 2010 6:58 pm

    This is good stuff. Fresh and bold. I’m not too sure about the whole sexual fantasy with native tribesmen and the abuse of good cigars, but it makes you think. Dirty thoughts! I think that the imagery each reader will experience while going through the different gyrations the author takes you on is fascinating in itself. Not your average story of love, betrayal and deceit. Don’t know exactly where it’s going, but it is interesting so far. I can’t wait to see what happens next on the road to Phoenix. Maybe a couple of more stops along the way meeting up with a few more Bob’s would be interesting.

    • Giant SpiderGator permalink
      April 14, 2010 8:22 pm

      Bill Clinton style. With cigars.

  285. ReadsALOT permalink
    April 14, 2010 8:14 pm

    I want to agree with colonelbleep. Why are people posting improper and very personal comments here? It should be a discussion about literature. Well, frankly, there’s nothing about this story that could be perceived as a proper piece of literature. I cannot believe I spent my precious time on reading this story or this blog.

  286. HilmDan permalink
    April 14, 2010 8:47 pm

    I find it absolutely normal that everyone here posts stuff about their lives. Yes, we discuss the book, but everything that we read and watch is reflected through our own perception of life. Like a prism. Or a bit of a distorted mirror. Have you noticed that if you ever reread the book, you typically pay attention to different messages and motives at different times of your own life. Let people discuss what they want to! I’m old and I don’t have much going on in my personal life, and I love to read books like that that spark my imagination, and I love to listen about people’s lives. So Ms. Cellana, please, don’t go away, tell us more!

  287. Catmandu permalink
    April 15, 2010 9:59 pm

    Wow, what an interesting journey into the inner thinking of this young woman. She’s got so much going on inside her head it makes you dizzy. Something is driving her away from her present life into the arms of this guy Jack. Maybe the strength of her love can be the guiding force she is seeking so badly.

  288. Jeffrey permalink
    April 15, 2010 10:01 pm

    All I can say is never underestimate the human mind and the way some people can dream up some really strange realities. Where does Lola get these images from that pop into her head? I do like the way she’s taking charge of her life and is not afraid to challenge her present comfort zone for the unknown. Maybe she’s onto something. We should all be willing to evaluate our current lives and make some hard choices about where we want to be in the future. I’m having my girlfriend read this to see if can identify with any parts of this story.

  289. MerryX permalink
    April 15, 2010 10:03 pm

    I find something really intriguing about this story and the way it’s being told. Definitely different from other online books I’ve read. The writing is a little broken at times, but still manages to keep you in the moment. What an interesting concept and look into the affects that love and emotion can play in the lives of ordinary people. It reminds me of a past relationship just out of High School with a childhood sweetheart. Unfortunately, he was not willing to take the leap of faith and venture into the unknown where we could explore our feeling for each other. Maybe Lola’s journey will be inspiring to many young women trying to find their way in this world.

  290. JulesV permalink
    April 15, 2010 10:05 pm

    I totally agree with Pink-wing Panther. The whole book reads like a dream state. Maybe Lola is really in a coma and is stuck in her own subconscious obsession with Jack! Sounds like she’s on some pretty heavy meds if you ask me.

  291. Duffy31 permalink
    April 15, 2010 10:08 pm

    Reading the many comments posted on this blog is very entertaining. I can’t say if all of the bloggers have actually read the story, but I like the thread. Love, religion, emotions, music, greed, self-respect and sex, who could ask for more! I wish this author and all others luck in pursuing their dream of a career in literature. Not all stories are perfect and everyone has to walk before they can run. Keep the dream alive and don’t stop writing no matter what you might read or hear about your work.

  292. BlackEyePEACE permalink
    April 15, 2010 10:19 pm

    There’s some deep shit in here man. I don’t know what Reads a Lot is talking about. She reads TOO MUCH. Why don’t we change your nick? Diversity peeps, diversity. That’s what I’m talkin bout. Yo.

  293. Amberx5 permalink
    April 15, 2010 10:37 pm

    The vibe of the story is really warm. I can see the light pink aura around it. It’s good. Good warm vibes with positive energy. Some people who visit this page bring negative emotions with them. The book is so magic, you can’t destroy it. They don’t know. Let them be.

    • Boris in the house permalink
      April 16, 2010 8:25 pm

      Oh puhleaseee, no hippies with the aura shit. Take less drugzz woman, you won’t see any aura then. What the f…’s wrong with people? I hate hippies – they think they know it all, and they always use such short phrases that are supposed to be more meaningful than they’re. Load of bullocks, like one of my English buddies says. Bollocks! The story was pretty interesting – I thought – odd, but will do. The thread is a load of shit filled up with hippies.

  294. frendgirrl permalink
    April 15, 2010 10:38 pm

    I like reading detective stories – like Agatha Christie and stuff. All my friends think I’m old-fashioned. LOL They think one day I’ll turn into Ms. Marple myself. LOL Not that they know who Ms. Marple is – I’m just using my own comparisons. And I gotta tell you – this story has elements of cool suspense and mystery in it. There’s something behind the veil for sure! Something I’m not quite sure about. Jack did sound suspicious when he kept popping questions about diamonds, and then, well – he right away just came over and took Lola who he didn’t see for years (???) and had sex with her? She was the one asking for it!!! Weird if you ask me. I really want to know what happens next!! By the way, love this thread. xoxoxox

  295. Dietrich permalink
    April 16, 2010 2:37 pm

    Amberx is spending too much time following the Dali Lama around. Vibes, pink auras! This blog is open to all comments and that’s why I like it. Take the good with the bad girl.

  296. Pauladabala permalink
    April 16, 2010 2:49 pm

    What’s up with FlyerFluck and all the hostility towards women. Maybe some tender lovin’ is what you really need! I really like the story and it has a positive message for everyone if you are willing to look closer and learn. Get in touch with your masculine and feminine inner feelings before you place judgement on how others interpret things.

  297. Mooky777 permalink
    April 16, 2010 2:52 pm

    I applaud this author’s effort to embrace fear of the unknown in the eyes of this young girl. Can’t say that I follow exactly where the story is heading, but I find the characters interesting. I look forward to reading the rest of the story.

  298. Larry permalink
    April 16, 2010 5:25 pm

    This story is way over my head. I don’t know if just me, but I have a hard time concentrating when I read this story. I start getting certain images based on what happening, but then everything suddenly shifts and I’m lost again. I know that a woman’s mind is a complicated thing, but is it really this bad? I’ve known some pretty out-there female personalities, however I can’t say that any of those girls had these type weird horror/fantasy fascinations. Maybe men are incapable of identifying with how women really think. After all, men are from Mars and women are from Venus!

  299. Musicman32 permalink
    April 16, 2010 5:31 pm

    Music is one the universe’s true languages. It makes total sense that this “new music” that evokes virtual emotional responses is great, but it’s nothing new. Scientifically music has been proven to have various effects on human behavior. We use music to set that special romantic mood, a party, or time for personal reflection. Most of us can remember hearing a particular song, then remembering exactly where we were at a given place and time. I’m really curious to see how and if the music theme becomes a more crucial part of the storyline. Hopefully, Bob will resurface somewhere elsewhere in the story.

  300. Violet Petals permalink
    April 16, 2010 8:34 pm

    I just don’t know. The story at first caught my attention. But when I read on and the author got into describing all the private scenes. I just don’t know. It’s too much. For one, I certainly do not believe that any woman should be that easy to have sex with. And what about a period of flirting and courtship? What about kissing under the stars? They go straight to the dirty business. Men would enjoy that, but not women. Women need the prelude. It’s obvious that the story was written by a man who doesn’t understand what we, women, are made of. Women cannot be pleased without tenderness and foreplay. I stopped reading after that. It’s disgusting and not quite believable.

  301. Gingeralist permalink
    April 17, 2010 7:24 pm

    There’s something pretty spooky about this Jack guy. I think he drugged her back in the apartment. Maybe I’m wrong but this story may shape up to be a real suspense thriller. Once I went to a party and had some of the same sensations that Lola had after drinking some mushroom tea. My voice sounded funny and everything seemed like a strange dream. Thank God I was with people who watched out for me and made sure I made it back home safely. Her whole trip started after first drinking the Coke and then the hot tea. After that much of the story reads like a pretty heavy hallucination.

  302. Anna permalink
    April 17, 2010 7:35 pm

    Some of the ultra personal postings on here are disappointing and disgusting. I know that this is an open forum, but it would be nice if everybody stuck somewhat to the subject of the book. Grasshopper!!!

  303. Kickinit permalink
    April 17, 2010 7:38 pm

    Dreamy storyline eh! Part of the story has a sexy feel to it, then again some of it borders on trashy. So much is happening I feel pulled in and compelled to read more. It can be tough to follow along, but I’ll finish what I started. I really like the ‘love can conquer all theme’ it seems to have in it as well as the follow your hearts desire attitude.

  304. secret cindy permalink
    April 17, 2010 7:42 pm

    I find it really interesting to read some of the posting here. It is obvious that we all get something different from reading this story. Most curious though is how the responses vary when tackling the subject of sex. I believe that the images being expressed in the story are right on the edge, and I think that that is one of the most appealing things about the flow of the story. Some have said that a young girl should not be so open and available, whereas others say – “right on girl”. How we all deal with this young girls’ introduction to her innermost sexual desires is dominating the posting on this blog. Keep it up yall’!

  305. Viktor permalink
    April 17, 2010 7:45 pm

    This is a poor excuse for modern literature. If this gets published, anything can get published and that would be a shame. I did read the whole thing, but I was thoroughly confused the whole time. What’s the plot? From start to finish this attempt to tell some story is weak on direction and character development. I won’t be returning to read more of the book or these postings.

  306. Mariya permalink
    April 18, 2010 9:41 pm

    Jack is just the kind of guy I would like to meet. He really seems to know what he wants and how to get it. His calm demeanor and soft approach with Lola is like every girl’s dream. Where can I find a guy like this? I especially like the Zen like quality he displays in any given situation. He seems strong, but gentle, kind and wise. I’ve been dating a guy who unfortunately is just the opposite of Jack. A nice guy, but he’s not the confident and is a bit neurotic. Why can’t more men be like Jack?

  307. Flowerchild permalink
    April 18, 2010 9:43 pm

    I normally don’t get involved in book blogs, but this one I couldn’t resist. This is by no means the best book out there, but it is very compelling. I can tell by some of the comments that there are very mixed feelings about this story’s style and content. Ease up everybody! I believe the author is accomplishing exactly what he or she wanted to achieve, which is a buzz. From the colorful metaphor images to the disjointed writing style, we all read the book and it has us talking. I think that good or bad, that is part of the goal of every writer. To evoke some type of response or emotion that draws the reader further into the story or out if that is how you perceive it!

  308. Littlebit permalink
    April 18, 2010 9:46 pm

    Viktor take a chill pill bro’! If you didn’t like it – move on my man!!!!! What are you, a book publisher or critic?

  309. Siamese permalink
    April 18, 2010 9:49 pm

    I agree with Musicman about the influence of music in the story. Jack seems to use the music whenever he wants to get Lola into a certain mood. It is crucial to whatever game he is playing with her. Hopefully more will be disclosed about this “new” technology. I wish something like this actually existed in today’s world. It would be nice to have a way to escape and experience something real and new through a musical experience.

  310. Natasha permalink
    April 18, 2010 9:51 pm

    This story is fast moving and sexy. I especially like the way it weaves in and out and has you thinking of different images all the time. Very colorful!! Can’t say that I liked the native guys, but I can relate to other aspects of the story line. Lola appears to be a young vibrant girl in search of true love. She has a free spirit and is not afraid to step into the unknown in pursuit of what she wants most.

  311. tila tequila permalink
    April 19, 2010 4:42 am

    Whip me, beat me, call me Irma! That’s a quote an old friend used to use when she felt she’d experienced something very worthwhile for a change. well I feel that way after reading about the beautiful couple in your book. They are on the edge of something beautiful and that’s a very nice thing indeed. I look forward to the next installment. caio.

  312. henry drake permalink
    April 19, 2010 4:46 am

    I’ve been stranded in cahrles de gaulle airport for the last 3 days and the only thing I have going for me is internet access. I stumbled on your story and it has really got me intrigued. If only this bloody volcano that’s delaying all the euro flights would show as much compassion for our measly humans as Jack shows for Lola.

  313. mortimer lane permalink
    April 19, 2010 4:49 am

    Good luck with that one my friend. There are supposedly roughly 20 million people trying to get back from where they are stranded. I hate to rain on the parade but that seems like a long shot to me. Oh mother nature she can be such a bitch sometimes.

  314. Kerry permalink
    April 19, 2010 5:39 pm

    What is this story all about? Is it a love story or crime story with a seedy beginning? Lola reminds me of my little sister who ran off with a guy a couple of years ago to Florida. Without any warning, she just up and moved to go with this guy she knew from high school. She left a good job, her friends and family behind to follow her sweetheart. Unfortunately, like so many young girls who do this she was dumped shortly after she got to Florida and only recently made her way back home. I find this kind of behavior very dangerous and callous. She’s just lucky she made it back at all!!

  315. Mandy permalink
    April 19, 2010 5:42 pm

    This is a really interesting stuff. It’s confusing and revealing all at the same time. Powerful sexual imagery and yet it has a real peacefulness underneath the psychotic visualizations.

  316. Christina permalink
    April 19, 2010 5:43 pm

    What’s all the hype about? Parts of this story are utterly disgusting and other parts looney. Got lost several times before I could get through the first part. Gave up after the naked natives on the attack with cigars, butterfly saviors and a mouse that means nothing. An empty storyline with weak characters on the road to nowhere!

  317. Chiquita permalink
    April 19, 2010 5:45 pm

    Lola’s story is inspiring to us young girls out here trying find true love. Most guys are only into their sports, their cars and non-committal meaningless relationships. I want a guy that treats me like the most important thing in his life. Someone that could inspire me to change non-satisfying aspects of my life because true love is a strong motivator.

  318. Ripley permalink
    April 19, 2010 5:48 pm

    Ladies if you’re listening, Kerry has it right. Never go chasing after a man to another state. Take charge and have them come to you for a change. I’ve had several friends that have chased their men to some place off in the world and each time they were sorely disappointed and left for deadwood. Even a couple of married ones!! I think love is great, but common sense has to stand for something. Know the difference between strong infatuation and true love! Often it seems the same, but if a man really loves you he’s less likely to expect you to run after him.

  319. Yesenia permalink
    April 21, 2010 1:16 am

    OMG!! What a great love story. It is good to see someone still writing original material with a kick. This story has the makings of a movie in the future. I can totally relate to Lola and what she is going through! I too am looking to radically change my life.

  320. Gininna permalink
    April 21, 2010 1:18 am

    I can’t understand the connection with the music. Where is this new technology that makes the listening experience so different? The whole theme of the story seems to undermine the power that a woman has over men. This Lola chick seems to melt at the mere sound of this guy’s voice. Pathetic if you ask me! I’m not a lesbian, but the whole fantasy thing is a bit over the top and most women don’t look at sex this way.

  321. Dallas permalink
    April 21, 2010 1:20 am

    I really enjoyed reading this book. It’s a beautiful love story in the making, like a flower taking bloom. My life has had so much disappointment because I looked forever for love and ended up settling for less than what I wanted. I have always wanted to just runaway and be free to do as the moment demands without all of the constraints of a marriage and parenthood. So much of this story is the absolute opposite of my situation and it is good to read about how my life could have been. An inspiring read!!!

  322. Xena permalink
    April 21, 2010 1:22 am

    Some of you are reading way too much into this whole thing. AmberX is definitely a flower child and needs to get in touch with reality. Everybody’s not walking around with purple, red, and blue color halos over their heads girlfriend!!

  323. Dukester permalink
    April 21, 2010 1:24 am

    Wow!! What a load of crap. This book is just another attempt by a hack writer to tell a sad love story. I can’t believe how many of you are so off base about the underlying meanings. The wild hallucinogenic visions are part of an experience brought about by this “new musical” device Jack and Bob are preparing to unveil. Notice that everything centers around the playing of a song or certain sound track. All of the other ramblings are just “sauce for the goose” as they say. I want to see where the rest of the story goes and if Jack is scammer or really a decent guy.

  324. Vela permalink
    April 21, 2010 3:41 pm

    I have become enthralled with your story. It remarkably parallels a period in my own life where I went through a serious metamorphosis of sorts. I was living in Tallahasse and being free from my parents i got a bit wild on the dirtier side of things. I ended up feeling quite slutty and involved with the wrong people. But then I met a guy and he brought me out the other side of it all. The best part was he showed me how to have real sex. How to fuck and not feel guilty. how to embrace my sexuality. Now I enjoy life so much more. I think I heard this music you write of!

  325. Vela permalink
    April 21, 2010 3:43 pm

    I didn’t mention that I also teach holistic healing now am a swinger of sorts and study wicca. All this from meeting one open minded sweet person. the world is at your fingers everybody. Don’t let the dogmatic society we live in keep you from true bliss. Embrace the ocean.

  326. Bambi permalink
    April 21, 2010 3:47 pm

    Damn Vela where do i sign up! Sounds like a fun lifestyle. I was in a bad relationship for a while too and came out the other side. It’s funny how in life you can’t see things clearly until you’ve experienced them yourself. I always keep my mind open for change to come now. It helps make life more free.

  327. Globally Inspired permalink
    April 21, 2010 7:38 pm

    Oh yes, yes yes!! I can’t agree more!! Until an adult human being experiences real pain from broken relationship, they can’t become a truly altruistic person. Immature people always think only about themselves. And it’s normal – we’re born egocentric. Did you ever watch little kids? All their existence is about themselves, everything is perceived in relation to “before they were born” (what is virtually unimportant unless it’s somehow connected to their birth that follows) and “after they were born” – a sort of BC and AD if you wish. And it’s normal – they’re kids. But then the brain develops, and as it develops, we mature. Maturity level is typically proportional to the level of our care about the outside world and the people in it. Jack is a much more developed and mature person than Lola. He teaches her to love, have sex and just live at a higher level of consciousness.

  328. jorie_14 permalink
    April 21, 2010 7:46 pm

    This story is about connectivity. Like – not the sort of physical, but emotional? I guess? I guess that’s the word I’m looking for. Maybe even spiritual. Lola is connected to Jack, and to her father, and even to savages – and all thru her mind. We forget about connectivity. We only remember about it when things like eruption of the unpronouncible volcano happen. Just think how small the world is, and how powerful is the mother nature. We’re punished by mother nature because we forgot about connectivity.

  329. Frustration00000000 permalink
    April 21, 2010 7:50 pm

    Shit man, I don’t care about the god damn connectivity or whatever. I’m STUCK in Heathrow for I already don’t know how many days. It’s easy to feel the freaking awe for mother freaking nature when you’re chillin home. And I’m stuck on the island with the freakin ash all around it and I have NOTHING to do but read stupid stories like than on the net. SHIIIIIIIIIIIT!!

  330. Candigram permalink
    April 22, 2010 1:15 am

    My sister and I disagree about where this story is going. She seems to think that this is all leading up to a big let down for Lola and I think she is going through a period of discovery. We both left home at an early age, therefore we totally get the “leave it all behind” motivation in the story. I wonder though if going against her father’s wishes is a setup for something bad to happen.

  331. Mitch permalink
    April 22, 2010 1:17 am

    This whole story seems to revolve around a young girls lust for a long time love and her first time sexual experiences. I can’t believe this is the kind of stuff that women like to read! No wonder men turn to sports and other recreation for appeasement.

  332. Maureen permalink
    April 22, 2010 1:28 am

    There is nothing more sexy than a man that knows who he is and what he wants out of life. There are too many guys out there with no direction and even less emotional sensitivity. Most men hardly make an effort to relate to women and at best come off as dead wood when it comes to their emotions. Jorie has it right – when you find the right guy and connect it is even more powerful. Jack is the quintessential male for me!!

  333. Lipcink permalink
    April 22, 2010 1:30 am

    This is an interesting concept for a story. Full of sex, passion and personal spiritual exploration. In my earlier years I looked at life much like Lola, but as I got older I found that responsibility tamed my burning desire to run free as the wind. However, I do feel that it is important for each person to explore the myriad of paths along the way to discover their true self before settling down in life. For me this came at the end of college and ended after I got a great position in an up and coming company. I still have the job, but often think of the good times I had when I traveled freely and loved as I pleased!!

  334. canalxn permalink
    April 22, 2010 1:32 am

    I find the romance in this story a little hard to follow. The whole thing is a tough read in general, but I do like the far out imagery it makes you conjure up!! Dirty, steamy, naked natives dancing around in circles on a dirt floor always gets my juices flowing!! Enthralled like Vela said, huh!!! Frustrationoooooooo I you get out of there soon. I hear the planes are starting fly again, Good Ruck.

  335. Yorky permalink
    April 22, 2010 8:32 pm

    Is this a fantasy book? Sci-fi? Aside from taking place in So Cal nothing else makes any sense to me. Kinda hard to follow, but it has me slightly curious about what gives in Phoenix. Is this guy some kind of Therapist? He definitely talks like one. He’s so calm and under control. It’s always the quiet one’s you need to watch out for!!! He’s gonna rip her off!

  336. Pretty in Pink permalink
    April 22, 2010 8:34 pm

    I really liked this story and agree totally with Lipcink. I met my current husband in high school, but we never dated back then. Paul went in to the Army and we lost touch for a while. When he returned from his tour of duty we hooked up through a mutual friend. Just like Lola I left my whole life behind to join him in another city and we have been happily married ever since. I applaud the author for allowing a young girl to take her journey into the unknown in pursuit of love and passion.

  337. Junkieboy permalink
    April 22, 2010 8:36 pm

    New flash for miss Pretty n Pink, yours is a fairy tale that rarely happens. Nothing good usually comes from chasing another for love. I mean you can go after someone for a date, but up-rooting yourself to go after a man or woman is risky. Lola is blind to her own conscience, she has to know that Jack has to be up to something!! Why else would he be asking all of those questions about her father’s business. She’s thinking it, but not acting on her thoughts!!

  338. Stuart Lil permalink
    April 22, 2010 8:39 pm

    Hey, hey, hey listen to what I say yall! This is some crazy shit’zl y’all got going here. The book is crazy, these comments are crazy and I know that I’m crazy for even writing this!! The girl is a tramp and the guy is just another punk thief using a young girl as his patsy. No mention of drugs, but you gotta believe that somebody is pretty high in this story. The only thing that makes sense is Bob and his girl and the music connection. Everything else is too odd and ludicrous to imagine.

  339. Naomi permalink
    April 22, 2010 8:40 pm

    Junkieboy who made you the authority on women, men or relationships? I have known several girls that have made out pretty well going after their men. There are nice guys out there, not at all like you I’m sure. I think that Lola is going into this with her eyes wide open and knows what she wants. I only hope that Jack is one of the good guys and not your type. His questions about her father’s biz does smell a little sour. He seems to know some things about her and her dad beyond what she has conveyed to him earlier from the way the story reads. We’ll see who is right in the next part of the book.

  340. Where the wind blows permalink
    April 22, 2010 11:17 pm

    I just gave up on guys, period. There’s nothing wrong with turning lesbian. The more you’re hanging out with men, the worse the life gets. Like, my best friend got married and had a kid, she had this big perfect American family dream in her little head. And what do you think? her swine of a husband never even changed a poopy diaper, and the child’s 2nd birthday is next week. What the hell???? I like told her multiple times – if you had a family with a woman, it would have never happened to you!! I think Jack’s gonna screw Lola big time. Like all men – sooner or later.

  341. FryerFluck permalink
    April 22, 2010 11:28 pm

    Honey it sounds to me like you’re after your friend’s pussy. That’s whats going on. Let me guess – hold on! In the past you had a fling with your friend. It was fun, but the only real dyke there was you. After having enough pussy, the friend turned back to dick. And you’re still upset. Get over it hon. Even if she leaves her hubby, she ain’t coming back to you. And what the hell does it have to do with Lola? She loved that dicking. All the symbolics are fallic. Are you fucking nuts?

  342. CannabFree permalink
    April 22, 2010 11:32 pm

    Dude, I cant follow it man. It’s changing places too fast. Jumping from one scene to another. I guess it’s kind of cool man, but I don’t get it. Savages are awesome. Peace!

  343. Confused Monkey xoxoxo permalink
    April 23, 2010 10:57 pm

    OMG! I just found out that I got knocked up. Just 2 days ago I did the test and… OMG I could NOT believe my eyes. I’m not really ready for it, and the guy was just a one-night stand. More than likely he doesn’t even remember my name – I remember his, but that’s about all I can remember. Anyways – ever since the Test Day – it’s been a total haze, I haven’t been myself. I don’t know what to do. I stumbled on this story when surfing the net, and I’m afraid that I’m going to be like the mothers the writer’s talking about. I don’t know anything about children, I’m alone, I want to party. What should I do?

  344. Shrimpgumbo permalink
    April 23, 2010 11:00 pm

    Jez, gal! Judging by your post, I’d say, take the phonebook and find the number for the nearest abortion clinic. If you decide to keep the baby, we’ll have one more fucked up person populate this miserable world. Please, spare us!

  345. Sunbird permalink
    April 23, 2010 11:06 pm

    A wonderful story. Very good read – I’m actually surprised we have stream-of –consciousness writing these days. Very impressive. Confused monkey, don’t listen to anyone (especially to such ASSHOLES as Shrimpgumbo-brain) – listen to your heart. It seems like to me – if you’re already questioning if you’re going to make a good mother, you probably be a wonderful mom. Bad mother don’t question their actions. Believe me – I’ve seen a few. Partying – that will have to wait, but having a nice little pink cuddly warm baby giving you kisses can’t be compared to anything. I’m not pro-life – I just think that this decision has be thought through more thoroughly. Good luck!

  346. Foot Fetisher permalink
    April 24, 2010 12:02 am

    FlyerFluck is all about the camel toe. Dude you rock!! Keep telling it like it is brother.

  347. Carla permalink
    April 24, 2010 12:05 am

    This is a really good start to what reads like a great story. I really love the author’s use of music as a stimulus for initiating the sexy and steamy parts of the story. All of the symbolic images are great too, especially the butterfly and the cigar.

  348. Humpty Dumpty permalink
    April 24, 2010 12:08 am

    None of this makes any sense people. From the very beginning nothing grabs you or connects you to the characters and their story. The fast paced storyline leaves the most important elements crucial to properly setting up the story somewhere else. The character development is weak and gives no real background so you have an idea of who you are trying to identify with!! Keep trying is all I have to say to the writer.

  349. Kickin' A permalink
    April 24, 2010 12:14 am

    I disagree “where the wind blows”!! You are just mad about not getting enough good lovin’ yourself. So much so you’ve become a big man hater isn’t that right!!! Have you ever sat down, looked in the mirror and said “maybe I’m the problem, what’s wrong with me”? If you can’t find a good man then perhaps it’s all on you and not the men honey. Stop munching carpet, clean the fibers from your mouth and get yourself laid!!! Fast!!!!

  350. David permalink
    April 24, 2010 12:16 am

    Right on Kickin’ A!!! I can’t stand women who couldn’t have a good relationship with a man and only blame the men for their issues. Immediately, they read a story like this and assume that the guy is going to screw over the girl. Give the guy a chance! Don’t be so quick to judge people without enough of the facts. What kind of friend are you when you don’t try to help and only point the finger at anything you can find wrong.

  351. Ruffneck permalink
    April 24, 2010 9:46 pm

    What an amazing story!! I think the guy drugs the chick, she hallucinates, he bangs her, then he acts all cool and shit. To top it off he then proceeds to get all of her fathers most important business info from her without breaking a sweat! Talk about making women look absolutely weak and useless. No wonder some the women responding in this comment log are furious. Not just because they are “men haters”, but because of the obvious weak character disposition that the writer has assigned to this girl.

  352. Blimpie permalink
    April 24, 2010 9:48 pm

    Why in the world this story getting so much attention. It’s not written well and is tough to follow. All the freaks saying this is a great story must not be avid readers of anything more than the “Star” newsstand rag in grocery stores.

  353. Scooby permalink
    April 24, 2010 9:51 pm

    I think Where the Wind Blows is a real dyke. She loves pussy people – and men are her competition. ha ha!! I don’t really think she will EVER get laid with a dude – just because she’s not interested!!! The story sounds semi-interesting, but – honestly – the author’s trying too hard to souns surreal. It doesn’t come naturally for him. Sorry, dude!

  354. Karen permalink
    April 24, 2010 9:52 pm

    I love this story! It has all the makings of a beautiful story of love and personal discovery. I just wish I were as strong as Lola to actually make the decision to take a risk and move on with my life. I never acted on my gut to go after the man I loved and I still regret not making the choice based on my heart and not my head!! I never got the chance t discover the true love I longed. True love is so powerful!!!

  355. Alexandra permalink
    April 24, 2010 9:53 pm

    I just came back to the states from Europe and got introduced to John Wish. This whole adventure sounds like my trip to Germany with this guy Reid from Holland. He was so calm and had this special way of turning everything into lesson of life and people. He felt it was his obligation to help others see more than the obvious pain and suffering we all experience. He was big into freedom of expression and love exploration. He always played this cool music and was a terrific lover. Jack reminds me of him and it makes me long to return there for some more good times.

  356. Calvin permalink
    April 24, 2010 9:55 pm

    My girlfriend and Lola must be the same person!! When we are together she seems so enamored with my presence that she says the weirdest stuff. Not quite as bad as the naked natives, but she does have some freaky fantasies that are a real turn on. It’s like being with your soul mate! Nothing is ever wrong and together we make each other feel safe from all of the bad things happening around us. We all need that special person in our lives that makes everything click. A connection is what someone else called it, but I call it a “oneness”. I hope that the rest of the book is as intriguing and captivating as the first two parts. When is the next section due to come out?

  357. Rockies permalink
    April 24, 2010 9:57 pm

    Little knocked-up girl! Don’t keep the baby!!! If you still feel like you wanna party and that’s it, nothing good’s gonna come out of your baby adventure. Just get it over with b4 it’s too late. Think of John Wish’s story as writing on the wall. He does talk about girls who are not ready to become mothers. Just because you carry a being in your belly and give birth to it, doesn’t automatically make you a mother. You HAVE to be mature to be a mother. You have to teach a human being you’re bringing to this world what you have already learned. If you haven’t learned shit, you’re still a baby yourself. Just carry on – enjoy your life. You will have a baby when you’re ready.

  358. GreenWater permalink
    April 24, 2010 10:16 pm

    I believe it is a wonderful story. Has something from Stephen King. The same dark and intense atmosphere. I wouldn’t call it an easy beach read – more like when one picks up a classical book. It doesn’t go very easy, but one can learn a lot from it. Reminded me a bit of “Frankenstein” too. Very descriptive and very intensely deep. Carry on, John Wish! We’d love to hear more!!

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